increase my self esteem

tonight I went for a job interview with some flat mates, and their finished earlier so they left without waiting for me, BUT instead of feeling very bad about this, and feeling bad about myself, I dismissed it as something bad on their behalf (if anything) and generally didn’t dwell on it, and when I saw them back at the flat I was nice and didnt hold a grudge. and breathe out

my self-esteem is really lacking lately.
I dont know what to do, really. I live in a university flat with 7 other people, half of whome are quite cold and judgemental, and the other half of which I barely see. Their attitudes are bringing me down, and coupled with the fact that I dont know anyone here makes my self-esteem plumet. Maybe I should change uni, or wait it out (only one year with these girls) or move out, or quit altogether. OR find a reason to be here, like studying. Which brings out the next issue; I dont feel like I’m smart enought to participate in the seminars, I feel paranoid that I’m accidentally going to plagiarise work (as they are constantly telling us about this), yet I dont see a clear way round this whole experience. No one seems very friendly here, but what’s worse is that when I do meet someone friendly, my self-esteem is so low that I feel I dont deserve to be around nice people. I can see the fault here, but my sense of worthlessness has become so engrained that i cant get past it.
Well I’m trying, by reaching out to people I believe are nice. For some reason (low self-esteem maybe?) everytime I here someone talking about someone behind their back, I get paranoid, and assume that they do the same behind my back, or that they secretly dont like me even if they hang out with me.
I dont always feel so low, but that’s because I dont always think about making new friends. When i do, it’s always the same. I basically feel like I dont DESERVE nice friends.

-the traumatic effects of high school
-my mother’s over-emphasis on both my “good” and “bad” qualities while growing up
-my friend’s tendency to think having a positive opinion about yourself is tantamount to being arrogant (and this affecting me)
-my lack of strength to see myself through my own eyes/in a positive way

It is of utmost importance to have a high self esteem. The lack of a high self esteem causes one to be viewed as a weakling, a loser, a negative person. In the long run no one wants to be around such a person and if such a person does not take the necessary actions to correct these flaws, they will in time be unbearable to others, you might even be shunned by others. As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.

When one has a high self esteem he/she is comfortable with themselves and you longer compete with others, but that person knows that because he/she is different, he/she is unique and that uniqueness makes them special. There is absolutely now one else like you on the planet, and that is huge.

Love yourself for who you are and for what you can become. Love yourself because your deserve to be loved, if you do not love yourself you cannot love another. Love yourself because you are a part of humanity and humanity is special.

As you increase your self esteem, your peers will see the difference in you and gravitate to you, because you are a light that brightens their world.

Dean Wong.

http://wongied.freehostia.com/sbav_splash.html

I signed up for a bunch of different Meetups on Meetup.com. Types of groups that I gravitated toward were women’s 30’s-40’s, working moms, art and hiking/walking groups. Someone emailed me already to see if I’d like to go on a hike this Sunday with the Issaquah Trails club. I figured, why not? So I’m off to REI tomorrow for some shoes and water bottle. :-)

This is going to be good for me.

“Finding an alternative activity (like exercising) to respond to feeling insecure is one approach. But your statement that “I do not want to become needy of others, but feel that I cannot build myself up enough to get through this,” is confusing – it seems that finding others to build relationships with is the direction you need to go in – you need to try to expose yourself to others, but in a way that is not too overwhelming for them.”
Stanton Peele
http://www.peele.net/faq/secure.html

I have noce photos of myself all over my bedroom, to remind myself I can look good.

My constant shopping is out of control.
Its mainly cosmetics and clothes, I can’t get enough.

I feel I have not achieved in my life because of lack of belief in myself..
Where to start?

I’m learning to love me for me. I know that I do everything I can to be the best person I can be so there isn’t any reason not to be totally proud of myself and love myself with my whole heart. :D

I just want to be happy with myself for the person that I am. I don’t want to keep being my own worst critic. I am a very positive person, I just want to put that positivity to my thoughts on myself. ;)