emmi I broke out of my inner prison and now im alive
Be truely happy
7 months ago
I really want to be happy beyond words feel it in my bones and my face and my hands and my feet
one day it will come to me hopefully soon
How to be truely happy
It made me
truely happy 
"Well. I was truely happy!"
How I did it: How didI do it? I hardly had anything to do with it. It was the experience I had, practically depending soley on the people and events around me.
My first college party, a 9 hour house crawl. Let me set the scene: Games, dancing, spin the bottle, meeting new people, those people's phone numbers, stupid conversations, hips, your favorite song, too much base, more dancing, smiles, stumbles, conversations, late night jimmy john's, new friends, blushing, smiling, laughing, dancing! A beautiful, beautiful time =]
The next day, I went to a Matt and Kim concert. Inhibitions the whole time, reluctant to dance or put my hands up. The last song plays and it's my favorite, and this surge of energy comes over me and my smile widens and the next thing I know, I've decided to crowd surf. =D Freeing!
Best weekend ever, so far. The high from it almost carried me straight through the week from hell that I'm currently in. And even though I have a newly bitter outlook (thanks a lot you darn classes) I still feel really good when I think about crowd surfing or that kiss on the cheek goodbye.
Lessons & tips: Don't set your standards for happiness too high. I think the reason this took me so long to feel was that I was waiting to be happy for an extended period of time. It's not about that. It's not about being happy no matter the crap that happens, it's not about life being perfect, or all the pieces falling right into place. It's about getting lost in the moment, just getting completely, sickeningly happy being caught up in the damn moment.
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Smile ear to ear
14 months ago
I can’t remember the last time I was happy beyond words. I want to smile til my cheeks hurt for no reason, and I want to be completely and utter happy and be at peace with the world and myself.
What does This Entry Mean?
2 years ago
If I complete the other ten goals will I finally reach this goal…don’t know…or do I have to reach this to finally get to the others? I want to wake up in the morning and really look forward to my day. I have everything a reasonable person can want: a car I own (no payments), a lovely house, a good job, a college education, a FANTASTIC child who excels at everything he does and is very sweet and good natured about everything, a cool dog, a nice husband, and most people think I am pretty. Yet, I want a advanced degree, a bigger house, more money of my own and a nicer body. Why can’t I be happy with the gifts I have? I suspect the problem is emotional. It is strange I have had a very tramatic life and my relationship with my mother was very complex. She passed away 2 months ago and I had to travel back to CA to make arrangements. And for the first time in I don’t know how long I felt some peace….and the world looked so bright and beautiful. I was morning my mother but some how also relieved and for a few short days I felt weightless. The sky was bright and trees were sooooo green and the ocean was amazing I want to feel that way about the world always…or most of the time.
