Fall in real love: ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't live without each other love.

I just broke up with my boyfriend. It was for the best and we’re going to try being friends, but it still hurts.

I don’t think this goal is possible for me. There are too many issues standing between me and anyone else to make it happen. I’m certainly not going to actively seek another relationship. If something comes along, maybe I’ll try it.

But right now I don’t want anything to do with dating, sex, love or anything. Stay away from me. I almost gave up right before I met this past guy and now I have all the more reason to.

I’m nineteen. I love my friends, family, and myself. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I date occasionally. It would be awesome to find someone I actually like. I think it’s might happen soon, but I wish it would so I could believe in it.

I met a guy while volunteering at an orphanage and a homeless shelter. A few days later, he messaged me to ask if I’d go to dinner with him sometime.

So we went out on Saturday night. It was really nice. We went to a palace, a traditional Korean restaurant, a cute tea house, and finally for a walk along the city stream. I wasn’t nervous at all and he was just incredible.

Then I saw him again last night when we both helped the homeless again. We were split into different teams, but afterward he took me out for ice cream. He emailed me later that night once I got home. Unfortunately, we have completely opposite schedules, so we’ll only be able to see each other on the weekends.

Anyway, tonight I can’t stop thinking about him. We haven’t kissed yet. I hope that will happen next time…and maybe more. ;)

I kinda feel like he’s out of my league, but I really hope this will work out for at least a few months.

Is it Friday yet? Haha.

I want someone to always be there, someone that i wont get tired of within a few months… the first, and only, person i loved i was with for what i considered a reasonable amount of time. then because of some circumstances we werent able to be together anymore..it was terribly hard for me not to just give in and go back to him like i had so many times before..but eventually i realized that although i did love him an incredible amount that i wasnt IN love with him as i was before.. i merely loved the idea behind the whole thing,,u know having someone to share your thoughts with, someone to hold u, someone to listen to your life, which is what he did..i didnt tell him this philosophy at first bc i thought i still loved him but faced the realization in time after having denied it to myself for so long,,,,i didnt want to lose the only friend and person i trusted to confide myself in so much whom i still had so many feelings for.. more often than not i found myself discussing things w/him that i didnt even tell my parents about… but i have to have strength, i know that there is someone out there for me..i always had the feeling that something else was still waiting..and i cant wait to find him.

I want someone to make me weak in the knees! I want someone who I just know how to work with, despite everything awkward and fearful within me. I want to love and be loved by someone so intensely I feel mind-throttlingly present both in my body and outside of it, simultaneously (if that makes sense). I want to learn how to show ridiculous love to someone. I want things to not have to make sense, and I want to be all wrapped up in it and not afraid. I want to not doubt. I want to feel ridiculously, incomprehensibly loved. I want to be an expert on someone, and I want to love someone despite everything I know about them. I want to feel an awed and giddy twist in my stomach when I see them, and I want to feel the electric zing from just realizing that you’re in the person’s presence.

I’ve definitely got time on my side but I’m afraid that I’ll let my fears get the best of me so I never get to learn how to love someone well. It’s hard to know how to throw yourself into the pool, and for the longest time I didn’t think that was my style. I guess I assumed someone would land in my lap. It’s sort of worked, but it’s kind of a cop out. It’s a way to tell yourself you don’t even have to try. I’ll never be the kind of girl who chases men with her tongue hanging out, but if someone strikes me I’m going to have to keep myself from running every time I get scared. Give it a chance. Just learn, laugh, and roll with it.

I used to think Prince Charming just rides along and swoops you up on his horse, but lately I’ve been thinking that maybe you need life experiences along the way so you know how to hop on when Prince Charming extends his arm. I’m still debating whether or not this guy exists, but like Santa Claus, it’s just kind of nice to believe that he does.

I don’t know if I’d say inconvenient, but the work it took to get to the unconditional love was definitely hard. We broke each others hearts alot and finally realized there’s no one out there better for us than each other… we’re having to deal with 1400 miles distance between us because I had to move but we’ll move to be back together, we’ve been together for more than 2 years and here’s hoping for forever.

“One’s first love is always perfect until one meets one’s second love”

still waiting
still hoping

seems like love gives me a promising smile some of the days
and some of the days it’s just hiding around the corner

i know it’s close
i can sense it
i’m getting there
let it be soon
i need it

...he asked me to be his bride
And always be right by his side.
I felt so happy I almost cried
And then he kissed me
And then he kissed me
And then he kissed me.

I get told a lot that no one ever knows what I am thinking. I usually hold my cards real close to my chest and make everyone guess what is going on with me. Well over the last year I have found, and lost (due to my lack of sharing feelings), someone I am enamored with. Last week I called him and explained to him exactly how I feel: That I see forever when I look at him, hear music when he enters a room so loudly that it causes me to think I’m going crazy, and all those other emotions one swears only exists in trashy romance novels. He is the only person I have ever met who honestly makes me weak in the knees just by looking at me. Because of what he is he is a vital part of my happiness and if he doesn’t return my affection I will have to settle living as just his friend because I can’t stand to not have him in my life.

i think i might be on the right track…