improve my relationship with family

Actually managed to send my mom a card and have it arrive on time! I even wrote an actual message on the inside. Called and chatted a bit. Basically asked for her blessing to go visit home for a week or two. Permission granted! I’ve come to realize that I like talking to my mom/parents in general. We share similar neuroses so they understand why I get strung out about certain things/ruminate over seemingly insignificant nothings for half an hour. I’m also becoming less afraid to call them and ask for help. I always felt that I had to do everything on my own or else I would be a huge failure and cause them undue stress, disappointment. Not true. On a side note, I’m beginning to believe there’s an inverse correlation between the frequency of my calls home and parental lectures; interesting.

Mom’s birthday on tuesday. Mailed the card in advance (miracle!), arrived on saturday. Called her tuesday, briefly exchanged niceties. Texted my brother on easter and spoke to him again on tuesday. Nothing new going on really. I feel like we (my immediate family) don’t keep in touch frequently because we have nothing too positive, exciting to really share with each other. We never speak to each other about our problems and our lives are full of problems… I think that’s one reason why I don’t want to visit them. I do genuinely miss them but it’s so much easier to dodge uncomfortable questions/lie on the phone then in person. I’ve thought about writing them… once you send a letter there’s no reclaiming it but I don’t know if I’m really brave enough. I don’t know how much of my life I would want to share with them. I don’t know if they would even want to know.

I actually called my parents wed night and spoke to them for an hour and a half. It was really surprising. Just talked about work, wtf my plan is for life right now. I mostly talked to my dad- he likes to ramble, i like to ramble. He also doesn’t take things to seriously, he figures as long as I’m alive and doing something I’ll be okay. Spoke to my mom for like 20 mins- she usually makes me irritated- just constantly critical or totally blase. I blame my interest in women’s studies on her. My lack of strong female role models in my formative years made me embrace women’s studies in college. Anyway I told them both I probably wouldn’t visit again until June- I don’t think they were too surprised.

my brother called me last night and wished me a happy birthday which was so nice of him. i love him i just need to get to know him better i will have to figure out how and do it.

my sister called me and sang happy birthday to me i was really happy to here from her. I dont like that she is far away though. i haven’t called my brother in a while i will do so tonight i have to spend time with him also. Lord please make this happen.

i spoke to my mom last night it has been a while since i have been able to talk to her for the time that i did, one thing i realize is that i wish i was close to my family i really love them and want to be close and my mom is wanting to be close also i feel bad for her for she deserves to have the best in life especially for the sacrifices she did for us. i pray lord that you bring my family close to gether again please i know that is in your will for you say in your words for sake not the assembling of your brethern or something like that. Lord you know what i mean i hope this is apart of you soon up coming plan.

i miss my mom bro and sis i want to be close to them but i am in calgary right now and there are either hour and a half or in jamaica i feel so lonely with out them near and now my husband is wanting us to move to Seattle. i dont want to go for i have never been there before and i would rather stay close to my family.

i spoke to my mom yesterday and the day before and so far i feel connected and look for ward to talking with her more i am also keeping more in touch with my sister but it is really expensive with her in Jamaica.