stop wasting valuable time assed out in front of the tv.

of life. all you gotta do is get out there and do it! instead of assing out, i went to the coffee shop and read one day.
instead of assing out, you could work out. you could clean. you could meditate. you could play a game with someone.

currently my mind is in a warmer climate, breezy, sunny. there is a window open, a white curtain hung that is blowing in the breeze. i’m on a king size bed with overstuffed everything. the linens are white, as well. the walls are light blue, the floor is wooden. this place is fantastic. i cannot believe that i have my own house. i cannot believe i have become the woman i have dreamed…i have just completed a workout and feel accomplished. i have a date tonight and am going to get ready soon. my orange tabby is laying on my pillow next to me, my dog at my feet. there is something in the air, something that tells me life will be okay. earlier today, i went to breakfast with my friends. we went to a meeting that normally is dull and lifeless; today we were inspired. our combined enthusiasm perhaps helped another alcoholic – we don’t know for sure. perhaps our carefree attitude showed someone that even though life might suck for them right now, it won’t suck forever. i get a call from my date. she confirms the time. my stomach gets in knots and it’s hard for me to breathe everytime i talk to her. when i see her i feel both ackwardly shy but open and loving. how can you feel loving about someone you don’t know well yet? anyways, my definition for love hasn’t gotten me in good places. since i’ve gotten sober, i’ve slowly changed the definition of love. i was once living with someone, had been with them for a year and a half… we never uttered the word. i closed my soul off, figured i was a destined cat-lady. but lately there has been so much warmth around me that i cannot help but feel loved. not the romantic, sweep you off your feet love, but the “you matter to the world” love. that, is intense. my date tonight doesn’t believe in love. i think she needs to think that. i don’t know what i believe in, but i know that i like to matter to someone else. my dog and cat need me… they depend on me. but i want to know what it’s like to be able to be there for someone, but not be their everything. i’ve been someone’s everything. i’ve been my everything. i’d like to just be there. to be a comforting hug at the end of the day. to be a passionate kiss when reunited. to be a trusting ear in hard times. mostly, to know how to give and receive equally. and to be okay with that. time has passed quickly today. it must be nerves. the little things i am concerned with… my hair, my perfume, my clothes. i wonder if she’ll care, if she’ll notice? oh god…. my stomach! even if this person turns out not to be my long lost soulmate (does it exist?) i hope that we can enjoy each others company. i hope that my life will turn out to not be a bunch of random, meaningless events jumbled together. how do you know you will fail if you haven’t tried? how do you know it will lead to bad things if you haven’t given it a positive thought? i need to shower now. i wonder what she’s doing, if she’s thinking about what i’m doing. heh… life’s crazy sometimes. crazy, beautiful, and amazing.

time spent in front of tv = could be working out!

ok so i like to watch tv. a lot.
i dropped the tv on accident yesterday and freaked out cuz i didn’t think it would have survived.
thusly, my tv time needs to go bye bye.

=)

(hey. maybe i’ll get more sleep! 4 hours a night SUCKS!)