Daily: build motivation, release negativity, express sorrow, contemplate gratitude, embrace creativity, uncover strength

every day i will work on this, again and again… 22 months ago

Norma was found dead in her home tonight. I am so sorry for her lonely death and I am so sorry I didn’t act on thoughts I have been having to reach out to her and express my feelings. I was no longer legally part of her family, and there had been no direct contact for years, but I never got around to sending her a note or making a phone call to tell her the kindness I felt toward her and that I had no hard feelings toward her and cared for her and appreciated the past we shared and wished her well and wanted peace for all of us. I can’t seem to stop crying and there is such pain in my heart. I am so sorry, Norma. 3 years ago

i wish i could. i’ve been in such a numb fog the last few weeks, it would be good if i could cry and rage and release it. Various problems of no work, money, my weight, college degree, and events of the past year have left me stuck feeling in quite a powerless state. I barely leave the house lately…

if only i could grieve, if only i could Feel all that is smiting me down, making me crawl back under the covers each day….

alittle “embracing creativity”: i keep making little collages in my notebooks. It’s the only thing i want to do besides surf the net… 3 years ago

And today is as good a day as any.

Build motivation. Well, things are starting to look up. My son has started school and seems to enjoy it. It has only been a week and a half but he’s chattering up a storm. I think he’s really coming along well. My daughter is apparently still developing well, despite the seizures. My husband and I are both working now. We CAN get past our problems, solve them, and put the pieces of our lives back together. We CAN do this – and we can do it together.

Release negativity. After the day I had at work today, I REALLY need to do this. I’m working as a temporary worker in human resources. Let’s just say that a situation developed today that was irritating but seemed relatively harmless – it exploded this afternoon and turned out to involve every bit of management in HR as well as some upper management. I was called into the office of the SR VP’s office to explain what my part was in the situation. Anyway…turns out I work with a major … attitude-challenged person. He took his first opportunity to deal with me as a chance to stab me in the back and drag me into an amazingly large situation with all sorts of bigwigs that have the power to…well, NOT hire me permanently. I’m not explaining this well, but I’m still angry. I think I got dragged into a pissing contest between two departments and it may cost me any chance to get a permanent job with this company. I have to let go of that and move on. If he wants to act like a two-year-old or worse, he can – but I need to let the negative feelings, the anger, the hurt, the resentment…I have to let it go.

Express sorrow. Wow. This is a big one. My grandmother died recently and due to various issues, I really haven’t grieved much. I cannot begin to express my sorrow, my hurt, my loss. She meant the world to me. As for 9/11, I cannot express what I feel about the people lost that day. Or in the many days since. I still dream about what I saw on TV that day, though thankfully less often.

Contemplate gratitude. I am truly grateful for my PILs; they have given us shelter from the storms shaking our lives to the foundation. I am so grateful for the job I’ve had (and hope to continue to work), and the job my husband is currently enjoying (in the same company). I have plenty to be grateful for these days. I need to remember that in my whiny moments.

Embrace creativity. I have really gotten away from this – creativity – and I have to get back to it. It is unnatural for me to be … uncreative, not creating. I have to find ways to work it back into my life. It would be great if I could do this at work as well.

Discover strength. I continue to find that there is a well of strength in me – in fact, in everyone, I think. It is truly amazing what you can do, what you can endure, what you can manage when you have to do so. 3 years ago

Build motivation. – Well, I received my first paycheck today. With that, we are back on a path toward getting our own place and getting our lives back on track. The ability to do things our way, to return to normal sleep and life patterns is all the motivation I need.

Release negativity – Right now, I’m really not feeling negative. That’s the first time in a long time that I can actually say that!

Contemplate gratitude – See my gratitude list for today, but I’m finding that trying to do a daily gratitude list is really, really helpful. It is also a wonderful mood-lifter to read others’ lists. I’ve found that that reminds me that I tend to take some things for granted – and I shouldn’t. So…I’m grateful for gratitude lists and the reminders that they give me.

Embrace creativity – now that I am feeling better, I’m really working at getting back to creating. I’m working on a baby blanket for Project Linus and I’m also working on several articles for a blog that I started earlier this year. It really feels great to create … anything… again. 3 years ago

Motivation:
I deserve to treat myself well and be treated well by others. I’ve gotten myself so far and will not back down. I’m gona keep pushing in my recovery and keep moving forward.

express sorrow:
I relapsed the past week.. disappointed! ughhh.. my strong recovery went down the drain (it feels like!)

release negativity:
But I’m gona keep gettin back up. It’s all a part of the fight. There are going to be up’s and down’s.. just end it with an UP! Keep fighting and pushing forward! I’m gona DO IT.

Embrace creativity:
I’m starting my Pilates program AND dance dvd program tomorrow morning :D New and exciting stuff!!

Uncover strength:
I know I have it in me. I’ve been hiding it, but it’s time to let it shine :) I’m excited! 3 years ago

Build motivation – ok. It is time to get back to work, to rejoin the workforce. This wouldn’t be my first choice, but you know, life sometimes doesn’t allow much of a choice. I need to do what needs to be done. I’ll have another chance later. I can do this – and I can do it WELL.

Release negativity – I’ve got to let go of the doubts, the irritations, the negative feelings I’ve got about the job situation. I’ve got to let go of the irritations of my family of late. None of these things accomplish anything. In fact, they hold me down and back.

Express sorrow – I’m sorry that I made certain decisions as I came along, but hindsight is perfect. I’m NOT going to beat myself up anymore; I’m just going to pick myself up and dust myself off. Time to move on.

Contemplate gratitude – I am so grateful for the help we’ve received and continue to receive. I’m grateful for the comfort of my sister- and brother-in-law. I’m grateful for life, despite the struggles of the last four years. I am grateful for my goal of daily gratitude; I truly believe that it is helping me shift my focus and return to a more normal attitude.

Embrace creativity – I am going to return to a more creative life now, I hope. I’ve really let my crafts go and that isn’t good for me. It isn’t natural. I’m going to hope, too, that I have a job that inspires creativity in me rather than draining it from me, as my previous jobs did.

Uncover strength – I continue to discover my strength. 3 years ago

I realized again today that this remains an area that I need to work on. I’ve been dreading going back to being an administrative assistant – so much so that it has made me nauseous reading the classifieds. I have been focusing on all the bad experiences I had in the past. I’ve got to let go of all that and focus on what I enjoyed and on the good experiences. It is necessary for me to do this and making myself dread it is MOST unhelpful.

• The variety of work I found in the good jobs
• The recognition when I improved processes
• The fact that I could frequently improve things
• Learning about new (to me) industries as I moved from one to another
• Training – I love to learn
• I met some warm, wonderful people over the years 3 years ago

Build motivation – God is right here w/ me. He knows everything and its all in His hands.

Express sorrow – I hate that I’m still feeling too fat to see lots of people. I just wana go out and chill w/ whoever and see my T!

Release negativity – It’ll all come in time. Just one more week. I’m comfortable w/ myself and respect myself no matter what others think.

Contemplate gratitude – I’m so thankful for my new house plans for June! So thankful that the guy I like is in town and wants to hangout :) And I’ll temporarily be workin for my aunt = some cash! And recovery has been AWESOME and still is!

Embrace creativity – Cut my own bangs this morning :)

Uncover strength – I’m gona face my fear and speak up to her today. Nothin to hide or worry about. 3 years ago

Build motivation – I have God on my side and on my team. He’s rooting for me in my recovery and is so proud of the steps I’ve recently made. I can keep going because I have the strength, tools and the power to succeed.

Express sorrow – Sad that I’m still not fully comfortable yet. It sucks not being able to do the simple things I wana do right now. I feel so restricted by myself and angry that its like this. SUCKS

Release negativity – Thats why I’m doing the 2 week plan though. It’ll be good for me. This period will be a character building time and a time to spend gettin closer to my family.

Contemplate gratitude – So thankful for my family, this time, my job, my recovery steps and progress, cousin, and for God.

Embrace creativity – Designing my journal today :)

Uncover strength – Doing my bible verses, and I know I’ll receive strength, faith and endurance from that. 3 years ago

Build motivation – I am hardworking, intelligent, and a quick learner. I am an asset that any company should welcome. I know that I am a capable, qualified person – so I should go into interviews confident and self-assured.

Release negativity – I’ve been focusing on so many negatives lately. I need to let it go – the situation with my daughter’s health is what it is and I am doing everything I can to help her right now. My son is doing fairly well and seems to be improving and we are in a situation now where he should continue to develop quickly.

Express sorrow – I miss my house, my neighborhood, my friends. I miss the familiar.

Contemplate gratitude – I have family who are supportive and helpful. They love me and are doing their best to encourage us and help where they can. I have somewhere to go, now that so many things in our lives are changing. I have a roof over my head and food for me and my family.

Embrace creativity – well, this is on hold for now. I haven’t got the energy, honestly.

Uncover strength – I’m pulling myself up by my bootstraps and moving on. I’ve felt the grief, the anger, the hurt, the irritation – now, I’m dusting myself off and doing what I have to do to get back on track. This is my life and I’m going to live it on my terms – even if it takes me a little while to get back to where I need and want to be. 3 years ago

Build motivation. Well, we’ve made a decision. We are moving. We’ve got to sell our townhouse and move back to where our families are. We can do this. It will turn out for the best. We will have child care – grandmas who really love our children.

Express sorrow. – I like the area we live in. I like the paths in the neighborhood. I’m sorry that things haven’t worked out the way we intended. I grieve for the loss of the neighborhood, for what has become familiar.

Contemplate gratitude. I am grateful for family that loves me. I am grateful for everyone who is trying to help us. I am just grateful to keep my head above water.

Embrace creativity. I can make anywhere we live a home. That is my job – primary, thank you very much. Whatever I do that earns a paycheck will be my secondary job. It is my job to make sure we all settle in.

Uncover strength. – I am so much stronger than I appear. I have my faults, and my weaknessess, but I am a very strong person. I CAN do this. I will do this. 3 years ago

My life is completely upside down right now. I’m trying to motivate myself, to encourage myself, to stay strong, but it has been such a long fight. I’m tired.

My husband lost his job a year and a half ago. We’re both looking for work. We’ve got two young children. I know that this isn’t life-threatening, that there are bigger and worse problems. But this is scary and it gets worse the longer it goes on.

The sorrow I’m expressing is that my life is changing. There is no doubt about that. Change doesn’t normally bother me; I mean, life is full of change, you kind of need to go with the flow. But this is change throughout my entire life. I guess I’m overwhelmed by it now. I need to grieve for what I’m losing, recognize what I’ve gained, and look with hope to see what’s around the corner. Good CAN come out of this – I need to let go of the fear and the sorrow and hold on to hope. 4 years ago

Build motivation – I had a good interview today – whether it is successful or not, is another issue. I CAN do this. I’ve just got to keep “practicing”.

Release negativity – I’m afraid of getting a job. I’m afraid of continuing in college – what if I’m on the wrong path – again? I’m afraid of my young cousin dying of cancer. I’m afraid, but I’m letting it go.

Express sorrow – I love my cousin even though we’ve not been particularly close. She’s my family and I love her and I grieve that she’s lost her mother and is facing a fight for her life.

Contemplate gratitude – I’m grateful for two sweet, loveable, adorable (my UNBIASED opinion, really!) children and so many other things.

Embrace creativity – I may really get to embrace this as a full-time job, if I get the job I interviewed for today!

Uncover strength – I am far stronger than I realized. 4 years ago

I have discovered that between this goal and another I have (of listing 5 things that I am grateful for daily), it is becoming easier and easier to find things to be grateful for. I am sure that it is my awareness changing, not the number of things that I HAVE to be grateful for. I’m glad that I am becoming more aware of how much I do have; it is easy when you are struggling to lose sight of what is really important and of what wonderful things/people/etc. really surround you. 4 years ago

my dear Embergirl came by today with her mom, visiting at my request because i’d been home sick for the last 2 days. I was showing off the re-organizing i’d been able to do in the few weeks, including a complete overhaul of my “creative desk”:
Ember, who is quite a talented artist already at 9 1/2yrs, promptly moved over to the desk, pulled up the chair, and began exploring / playing with my collection of stamps, paints & assorted collage emphemera…

What is so wonderful about watching her work is there’s no hesitation, no censuring herself while creating…just free expression, playing with colours and tools, and creating 2 assemblage pieces for me in about 20-30mins

I was so tempted to take her picture while her created her art,,,,,but i didnt want to interupt – distract or disturb such freedom of process…

After they’d left, and i was straightening up a few things on the desk, i found myself drawn into creating some of things of my own, tho i hadnt sat down at my own “Wonderfully Organized Creative Desk” in months. And i thoroughly enjoyed myself, experimenting with a few new techniques with gesso and embossing powders…

It’s again one of those things of “Control” vs “Flow”. We always think we have to some huge scheduled time set aside to be create, e.g. ‘I’m Going Be Creative Now’. Or think we have produce some perfected piece of art. I’ve broken thru that kind of walled thinking in my writing; my poetry has strengthened because i am no longer so “careful” about the process before i ever get a word on the page. And i scrawl lines on notepads and in my journals whenever they occur to me…i dont limit myself to set times of “creative writing”. Yes, i go back and polish or develop the ideas / images / structure of those seeds of poetry,,,but i dont shut out those spurts of creatiness with my writing…

I’m still learning how to do this with my collage / altered art pursuits, as i’ve only been actively working with this for the past 3 yrs (as opposed to some 30+ years of writing). And in the Collage / ATC /Assemblage Art group that i organize, it’s been difficult to find those techniques to help others break out of their own “frozen perfectionism”, and just get into some sloppy, free-style Creating—and relish the process, not obsess about results.

How to break thru to that sense of freedom, and how to stay in touch with it? Its both going beyond one’s self-imposed limitations, and returning to Child-Like exploration and freshness…

I may ask Ember to be the Co-Organizer of my collage group. I’m sure she could teach my members a few things about creativity…

:) 4 years ago

Its been a tough month: lost another job, lost my dear friend of 10 years, intense run-ins with 2 ex-boyfriends, big snarling fight with my brother on Xmas eve, Mom’s health continues to decline, my aunt was just diagnosed with liver cancer,,,,all stressful to deal with…then had the frustration of my car breaking down 2 days before Xmas, and kept me from taking care of all those “last minute” details…

Generally, i just try to keep it together, keep it to myself. My parents have enough stress to deal with, without hearing of my little problems. But today, in talking with a friend, i let myself go and have big full-blown crying jag. The kind where it feels as if youre coughing up your insides, and your head pounds in pain….

But later i (again) realize what it costs to keep stuffing such feelings down. I was emotionally wrung-out and drained immediately after big jag; just came home and crawled into bed. But later in the evening, i felt tremendously better, lighter, more calm and centered. Also felt more productive and motivated, rather than wanting to hole up in bed as i have done for the past week…

...So i ask myself why i fight just feeling my emotions, when i know it makes matters worse. Old habits die hard i guess; it was my defense mechanism growing up to deflect overwhelming emotions by burying them.

“The only way out is Through…”4 years ago

Build motivation. I have a lot to do in a few days, but I’m an organized person, and I have a caring spouse. Together we can get it all done and still enjoy ourselves and our children. I don’t want to teach my children that the holidays are about rushing, cleaning, worrying, and stress!

Release negativity. This has been a difficult year for my relationship with my mother and stepfather. I’m going to let that go for the sake of a peaceful and happy holiday (and new year). I am working on boundaries so we don’t have a repeat of issues that arose this year, but that isn’t holding on to the negativity – that is helping me move on.

Express sorrow. I am still having trouble coming to terms with my cousin’s diagnosis. I know that she could still have years – but to know that she is, in essence, dying at 26 is horrifying me. I’m so sorry. I love her and I’m now being as supportive and encouraging and “cheer-leading” (ironic, as she’s the cheerleading coach at my old high school) as I know how to be. For her, I’m trying to be “peppy” – and that’s really saying something. I grieve, but I want to let it out here and with my friends, so that I can continue to be encouraging and supportive of her, without adding to her burden, and that of her family.

Contemplate gratitude. I love my daily 5 – that is really helping take my focus off all of the negatives in my life right now. I’m grateful for that goal and for seeing it so many other places around 43T.

Embrace creativity. I’m really trying to get back into being creative. It is really a part of me and not working on anything feels…wrong. I need to ensure that there is a creative bit to every day for my own well-being.

Uncover strength. I thought I had reached the end of my strength several months ago – well about 7 (before the birth of my daughter). I have since found that I can bear more than I thought. It is amazing how much you can go beyond your normal boundaries, what you can do when you must. I’m tired but I now think that I can keep going – if I can just manage the occasional rest break with friends now and then. 4 years ago

My 26-year-old cousin was recently diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma. It is all over her body. I am beside myself. Really, I haven’t stayed close to her in recent years – she’s a fair bit younger than I am. But still, she’s family and we were close growing up. I’m just shocked. She’s undergoing two rounds of treatment/rest, then the doctors will reevaluate where things stand. She has a 3-year-old. The whole thing just is just so sad. 4 years ago

Build motivation. I can get a job. There is a company out there that needs my organizational skills and my intelligence. I just need to dust off my resume and refresh my “sell yourself” skills. I can do this.

Release negativity. The people that are pestering me about our financial situation right now are doing it out of love. They love us a lot and are concerned. I’ve got to let go of the hurt that they aren’t listening to me and recognize the intentions; they don’t intend to hurt me.

Express sorrow. I’m feeling sorry for myself. I am sorry that this situation is what it is, but it is time to let go of the sorrow and frustration and move on.

Contemplate gratitude. I am grateful for the family that has been supportive. It is nice to know that people do love us and are looking out for us.

Embrace creativity. Well, you have to be creative to make the best of our current situation. On the bright side, our children are getting the attention (mostly) of both parents at an early stage in their lives!

Uncover strength. All I can say is, “Whatever doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.” 4 years ago

Build motivation – I’m slowly getting accustomed to the idea of going back to work. I’m not happy, particularly, about it but I am getting used to the idea. I’m going to do fine. I’m going to get a good job that pays well.

Release negativity – I’m not going to resent the fact that I need to go back to work so soon after my daughter’s birth. I’m simply going to do what I need to do and that is it. It is what it is.

Contemplate gratitude – I am so grateful for the opportunities I’ve had to be with children. I’m so grateful to have seen so much already. I’m grateful that my husband’s been able to help me after both births. I’m grateful that I found a loving husband.

Embrace creativity – this is harder these days with so much less “free” time but I’m branching out. I’m actually writing miscellaneous little things: reactions to articles, thoughts on various subjects, how-to articles and the like, and posting on a blog that I created for that purpose. I can’t say it is great but I think that the practice is helping. And I’m enjoying it a lot!

Uncover strength. It is amazing what you can do if you have to. 4 years ago

Release negativity. My relationship with my stepfather has changed and I don’t think I can “unchange” it. Therefore, I’m going to accept that it was NEVER what I thought it was and accept it as it is – civil. We can be civil to each other for the sake of my mother. I’m letting go of the hurt/rejected/letdown feeling and I’m going to take the high road.

Embrace creativity. I am going to find new and creative ways to fit nice things (like reading, crafting) into my day now that I have a newborn. It is going to TAKE some creativity to do that, but I am very creative. I can do this, and I can find ways to do things I enjoy.

Build motivation. I can accomplish things each and every day, if I set my mind to it. I can be a good mother and still take care of myself; in fact, I’ll be a better mother if I take care of myself. That should motivate me right there!

Contemplate gratitude. I am grateful for my life, for my home, for my dear husband and my lovely and healthy children. I am grateful for the chance to make myself a better person and grow.

Uncover strength. I am a much stronger person than I ever thought possible. I am doing a terrific job under very stressful circumstances. I’ve got to hold on to that idea and repeat it to myself, as necessary. 4 years ago

To work on this in a more “structured” way. I hope that this will help me work on this more consistently. 4 years ago

I don’t know how to do this on this particular issue, so I guess this is like venting – in the hopes that it helps me let go and not worry about what I cannot change.

I took a glucose tolerance test in connection with my pregnancy on 3/26. I just found out the results require that I take the 3-hour version next week. If I fail that test too, they will probably put me on a restrictive diet (i.e., if it tastes good, spit it out). I did go through this with my first pregnancy and the second test came out fine, so I am really trying not to worry or to start thinking about gestational diabetes, but I cannot help it.

Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen. My diet is not horrible, but it could probably be better. All I can do is make some voluntary changes for the better and let this go. Worrying about it will do nothing – except raise my blood pressure. Why is it so hard to do what I know I need to – and just let go of the worry? 4 years ago

I’m really building motiviation: not an easy thing toward the end of a semester of college. I am setting aside time each day specifically for school work and rewarding myself if I actually see more progress.

I’m letting go of relationships and situations that are no longer good. I’m not ending them necessarily – just letting them drift slowly. I’m not fighting anymore what seems to be a natural process and this is making room in my life for happier, more productive and supportive things…yay!

I’ve expressed my grief over the change in the above relationship(s) and I’ve let it go. I’m still working on letting go of past family hurts; I suppose that takes longer because it has deeper roots. Still, I think I’m making progress with that as well.

I am trying to express my gratitude better. I am really trying to make sure that I express my gratitude to those who are helping me and my husband through a challenging lack-of-employment period. I’ll pass on the support when people I know need it – kind of like “paying it forward”.

As for creativity, I’m trying to find ways to work in creativity to my day. I do so much better when I do something creative: writing, crochet, work on my websites, make cards, ....anything – each day. It really is a part of me. Surely I can find 1/2 an hour a day for this!

As for strength, it is truly amazing what humans can do when they put their mind through it. I am finding that I am a much stronger person than I think I am (usually). Some days I do have to repeat to myself, “I am a strong person. I can do this.” but hey, everybody has days like that! 4 years ago

But I’ve found myself stuck lately in a rut of “the blues” for lack of a better thing to call it. I don’t know that it is really depression, but it certainly isn’t fun and I’m having a hard time shaking it. Sigh. 4 years ago

I always wanted to try something like this but im not sure how, any ideas? 5 years ago

I don’t know why memories of my past keep popping up. I mean specific, unpleastant times in my past. I know they happened, but they are years in the past. I’m a different, stronger person now. I’ve accepted what happened and how it has shaped me. I really wouldn’t change much about the person I am, so I’ve accepted the events. The person who injured me has apparently changed. Why do I have periods of time when this pops back up again? I’m sorry for the little girl I was. I’m sorry that family didn’t protect me they way they should have. I’m sorry that the person involved had as rough a life as he did afterward. I am letting this go. I am who I am. He is who he is now. I forgive him. I forgive my family. I’m letting it go. 5 years ago

I am grateful that I found this goal. I feel so much better since I adopted this. I’m not sure if it is that I am focusing on things that I need to be, that I’m releasing negativity and expressing sorrow that I’ve had bottled up, or if it is a combination of other things that I’m changing as well, but I am grateful because I am sure that it is contributing to my improving overall wellbeing! 5 years ago