get a grip

i get pretty OC sometimes.. uh, that’s obsessive, compulsive..

i dunno, but i get anxious a lot whenever off guard.. i feel jumpy whenever i get SMS and mails.. like REAL jumpy… and so i end up mostly disappointed and irritated..

i HATE it when im ignored..

but the worst part of it is…

i cant seem to move on so easily..
i usually get that “break up remorse” where i constantly find myself just wanting to know how my most recent ex is doing..

and its not even like a month, but i get this tempting feeling that just clings on to me, making me want to pick up the phone and wonder whats up…

its not healthy…

it may not have been much as a relationship, but i get this feeling much, too, even in flings..

sucks, huh..

Why can’t I be satisfied with what I have, what I have achieved, who I am?
I dream of things that can never be, wish for things that can’t come true, strive for things beyond my grasp.
Somebody once said hope makes a good breakfast but a poor supper. Well, it’s getting close to suppertime.

I need to get ahold of myself.
I have a good life.
And I can see it spiraling down…
I wanna be anorexic,
party,
drink,
smoke,
have sex….
Aghh. I know i should just suck up the fact that I need “live above the influence” and what not.
But have you ever felt like..
F@&* it. Where I’m at isn’t good enough,
So the grass must be greener over there.

Why bother getting tested and being so careful, if you choose gross partners? BE SELECTIVE, YOU DESERVE IT.

At least, for a solid 6 months.

I need to start “Getting a hold of myself” as it were. I get so upset over the tiniest things. I focus way too much on the bad things that happen, and not enough on the good things. I can be having an absolutely perfect day, everything going so wonderful, and then one bad thing will happen at the end of the day, and that’s it. I’m done, I forget all about the good things that happened all day. The worst part is, being able to recognize that this is happening, and not being able to change it. But I will…I WILL!!