fall in love with the right guy

I want to fall in love with the right guy for me

Hm. Yes, boys confuse me. A lot. And it really annoys me.

I can’t understand their mentality. Talk about craziness. Its depressing.

I think I should give up.

I’ll give it another day … or two … or five.

Haha.

Hm. I’m starting to think this isn’t such a good idea. Boys are annoying. They give out the wrong messages.

Gr.

Let’s start with the past. I mean, i guess that’s the best place to start is it not?

Here we go:

When I was about 12, I met this person I shall call G. He was, at that time, about 15 and going out with my “sister”; a really good friend of mine at that time.

He used to call me Rat. I’d glare at him. We were friends/enemies. A strange like-hate relationship; loike the one we have now.

Anyways, time went on. We became pretty close in the period when i had problems with my self-esteem. He stuck by me and supported me. We made up weird words together and emoticon conversations, haha. I mean, we even ‘mreowed’ at each other, lol.

Then the first fight. I can’t remember clearly but i think it was when he broke up with my friend. I took his side cause she broke off with him via msn/text. As i said, my memory is a bit fuzzy. This was 3 years ago. She got pretty pissy at me but after a while, she just accepted it. G was pretty heartbroken. I felt so sorry for him at that time but that sorta brought us closer together.

Then we had a massive argument. I mean, we always have little ones always and forever but they were friendly arguments. Someone spread rumours about me that I said something nasty to his skating partner. I didn’t. But I do have a big mouth. It wasn’t nasty about her. It was about her costume, it was so… bright. Haha. Anyways, he snarled at me and we didn’t talk for about 3 weeks.

But after massive arguments, we usually talk it out. That weeked consisted of constant swearing and evil emoticons, haha. Pretty damn fun. And we realised it too.
At X-mas, he even got me a x-mas pressie. A pooping reindeer, haha. Random but cool i guess. That was nice of him. That was one of the 2 times i’ve hugged him and i can tell you, he gives pretty damn good hugs, haha.

This was 2004.

2005: G’s ex had quit skating. Me and him were on neutral terms. At a beach party, I threw a shell at him. And in his stupidity or somethin, he didn’t move or duck or anything. He got hit on the chin and now he has a little scar from where i threw it. oops. My boo? Anyways, his fault. I mean, he lifted me bodily and threw me into the water. And it was COLD. And he knows i have quite the temper, haha.

Anyways, it really scared me. I was like SHIIIIT. And he’s like laughing and bleeding on the chin. I felt so guilty, haha. Anyways, after that, he wouldn’t let me live that down. Now, its more or less the past is the past and now is now.

2005 was more or less on neutral terms. Then came 2006.

2006 seemed pretty alright to me. Nothing spesh. Went to the movies once and he sat next to me … unintentionally i’d think. Stupid me putting him and his skating partner together only to find that i was at the end of the row, between him and a fat lady. I was like crap. Oh, did i mention i had a pearl drink? And when my mouth slipped on the straw, the pearl JUST had to fall into my bra. How embaressing. I had to turn away to fish it out and he turned to me and goes,”What are you doing?”
Talk about embaressment much?
Anyways, this year at x-mas, we were more or less enemies. I drew him a card, ‘gothic-cised’ and fully mocked him. He retaliated by saying,”What, and you were bothered to do this for me?”
Then at the banquet, he drew a picture of me on the program (i was dressed gothic -lolita, haha) and I retaliated with his very own quote, haha.

2007: Morgan died. Fuken ferry accident over their boat. I was pretty damn depressed over a time and i guess that’s what also brought me and G back together as more as friends than enemies. That was the 2nd time he hugged me. I hadn’t even wanted to. I saw him walking towards me and i was edging away, my eyes hurt cause we had just listened to a radio coverage on what Morgan’s dad had to say. Then suddenly, he pretty much came over and hugged me and said, take it easy. I had started doing things i had once done in distress but i dunno, i was more or less in shock for a while. But its not like that friendship lasted long, haha. I’m 15. He’s 19. The ages have gone up so much since then and so have the attitudes.

By Easter show, we were complete enemies again. Someone AGAIN had spread damn rumours that i had seen him and his skating partner snogging. I got into so much shit. I mean, i didn’t even see them doing it even if they did do it. Its depressing don’t you think?

Anyways, we come to now. I’ve just completed my SC (which was last week) and well, a few months before, we just got back to talking terms. Nothing like the ol’ bosom buddies but its something right?

Last Fri, 16, was the banquet. We actually danced together, in a group of course, haha. He and my friend B breakdanced and well, i was surprised he actually turned up cause he said he didn’t really wanna go. But i don’t think he liked me in that way. Nor in the friend way. I just don’t think we mix and match. I think we’re more or less like water and detergent; we repel. He talks easier to my friends and when we usually talk on msn, its stuttered conversation not like the smooth-ness that we once had. Old days are gone, now is now.

I’ve got my mind on other guys now but i dunno. Damn hormones are out of date i guess. Anyways, i think i’ve written quite enough for today. I mean, i’ve had enough of reliving those lost memories.

xxx

Yes.

My goal is to fall in love with the right guy by my birthday.

Haha. Currenly, i’m in a bit of a fix.

I like this dude, but yeh do dot dot

Look at ‘THE PACT’ for reference.

My dream boy looks emo, is deep, trustworthy and affectionate.

He’d be like my best friend more than a boyfriend. And well, quite frankly, I hope I’d be his. Like, his bestfriend. Not his boyfriend … _” haha

Wish me luck in this wide, wide world, haha.

xxx

my friend suggests that to do this i simply need to date guys who aren’t assholes. great idea. wish i’d thought of that. :)