live independently

in spain…
because i am staying in someones house which is very nice because she makes me meals =)
however, i walk around by myself alot and make my own plans
i find it hard doing alot of things by myself
i always feel like someone is judging me
i thought i felt it bad at home, i feel it twice as much here

this is altogether a little strange

This seems to be my biggest problem at the moment. Going thru a divorce is not easy & living along is terrible. I can’t seem to make myself go out & do thing just by myself

It seems everytime I wanted to go to London something came inbetween… So it’s been put on hold for the time being… (at least until I’ve had my PT & fully improved my back:))

Things are still very much ‘in the air’... I’d love to move out on my out, but currently just not sure how… (financially etc.)
/So, what else is ‘new’? lol/

So Lenny says London is terrible now, but she’ll go back in May… (& I already know London is GREAT in Summer!! At least it was last time I was there…!!)

What to do in April, though?? hmm..

PS I packed my bag & the freebie option (just-one-bag) with Ryanair is doable!! That’s how L. does it too – & she buys lots of stuff there in charity shops.. Very cheap!! AND environmentally friendly! (re-use..)

I got to thinking… I started some positive affirmations today, on how ‘getting $$$$is easy, fun & great to do!!’ (K. & her man inspired me!!)

& today a funky cool job is advertised in the local newspaper.. So that’s an interesting option too.. Though the dread of having to be here in April or for the summer.. I would just prefer to leave.. At least for a vacation…

& true, K is bored of USA, but she lived there for years now.. & it was fun discovering it all…

So I actually reserved a ticket to London… Or at least tried to… I still don’t know if it was processed or not, cause I hadn’t gotten the confirmation mail yet… Luckily it’s just for 10 EUR..

I wasn’t sure if my card would ‘work’... (&still don’t!)

Slightly distressed, but realized how much I was looking to go to London when I thought the cheapie tickets were sold out already!!

I found I am a HSS/HSP

So I like having a safe haven of a home (quiet, peaceful) with cool & interesting fascinating locations & things to do in the neighbourhood (museums, partying, concerts, open mic’s…)

That is a step forward… I hope I can structure things around this somehow… ;)

I really really want to do this – it just turned out my Mom can’t be trusted either, & it’s just stressful for all of us.. yuckh…

Minimize possessions, keep doing the back exercises, pack the rest.. (temporarily pack at least, so I can get it if I get home..) Figure out what I need & take it…

Donate the rest…

I have no idea how this could be accomplished right now… My back is better… still not allright.. But at least the Xrays have shown nothing is broken or such, just some minimal bad stuff.. The Doc said exercises (yoga etc) should help..

I have no idea if I could live on my own in 3 months..
I do try to do more stuff by myself… & experiment with ways of doing things to have less impact on my back…

Financially, if all else fails, I’ll just nip into the savings.. I’m not sure what kind of job I could do well with the back as it is…

But Dad was intolerable again this week (just his silly insensitive ways, he thinks he’s being motivational, when he isn’t! & his co-worker died this week, the one with Celiac disease, so this must have added to the frenzy.. me not eating wheat but a lot of rice ‘n’ all.. (I did eat some wheat yesterday but I’m avoiding it now, though there’s a yummy burek in the kitchen downstairs!!)

Today I had a row with Dad & wanted to just up & leave… I figured I could get a room in the capitol & have my stuff moved there… (Although the thought of the capital is slightly depressing…)

But then Dad got supernice & offered to vacuum my room (cause I couldn’t, due to my back!) & disarmed me with his gentlemanly ways! OoO

Anyway, it would be best to get my back Xrayed first, to see what this is about.. Happens in 2 weeks.. Then we’ll see!!