do the master cleanse

OK so far it’s only been less than 24 hours. The drink is nice, I’m using calamansi not lemon because it’s cheaper and fresher where I live (and I like them more than lemons!).

Not feeling hungry yet. I did the salt flush this morning. It tasted so wrong. Like drinking sea water. And I was worried my body might absorb the salt. But it’s tollerable, and works like it’s supposed to.

Maple syrup is soo nice :) I wish I had someone to do it with though. My bf won’t even though he needs to more than me because he used to be a meat eater.

it’s the afternoon of day ten and i did the only cheating i’ve done all this time. i licked the spoon while making potato leek soup. and my fingers after crumbling blue cheese.
why am i cooking while on the cleanse you ask? well because i won’t have time tomorrow or the next day, they’re my long days at work, and i’m sure not going to work 13 hours with only orange juice. i did it with the lemonade but that has some calories at least. so i made some vegetable broth, naturally, and a vegan tomato soup from allrecipes.com (it’s called tomato soup iii) that smells delicious. i was tempted to put in some anchovies and make it more ratatoullie-like but i resisted. i also made potato leek soup to eat on wednesday it has some cream in it, and blue cheese dressing to replace the oil and vinegar i’ll be putting on my salads. i also have a whole chicken defrosting in the fridge, destined to be put in salads and soups this week, but i’m holding off cooking that as i want some of the crispy skin (oh that’s the first thing that’s really made my mouth water in days) and i won’t be eating it until wednesday if not later.
i started taking probiotics today, i’ve taken one with each glass of lemonade except the first. i couldn’t find any official-sounding guidelines for how much to take but everyone seems to take quite a few the day before going off the cleanse and the first day off, continuing them for a couple of weeks. seems sensible to me. i looked for daily-dophilus but my health food store was out, so i went with kyo-dophilus which a few people online recommended. guess we’ll find out if they’re right. i was bewildered by the options for probiotics. i thought it would be straightforward but it’s nothing of the kind. there are dozens of kinds of probiotics, not just different brands but different kinds that work for different maladies, but the labels don’t tell you which ones! thank god for internet research.
no more salt water cleanses for me, hurray! i got up late today because i was just laying in bed thinking about how as soon as i got up i’d have to drink that stuff. laid there for an hour. but no more salt water now!
my period seems to be a real period now, a whole week early, i’m curious to see if it’ll be on a new schedule now or if i won’t have one for five weeks instead of four this next month.
i guess i’ll go strain that broth now. whoopee. i’m looking forward to trying a grilled cheese with that tomato soup… i made a huge batch to make sure there’s some left for when i can eat cheese. and coffee tuesday sounds good too. and being able to socialize normally, that’s what i most look forward to.

just took the salt water, only one to go now. i feel like it would be to my benefit if i took it one last time in the morning of the last day after the cleanse, but i’m not sure i can convince myself to. it’s so horrible. i have been taking it with cold water the last few days, though, and while it’s still horrible i don’t feel like throwing up while i drink it. it’s recommended that i use lukewarm water, i assume so i don’t shock my system so much, but better a little shock of cold than throwing it all up and making the whole exercise pointless.
i’m feeling better about finishing the cleanse today, i think because the end is really in sight. i’m going to go to the farmers’ market after all this salt water gets out of me to buy some vegetables for the soups i’m going to make; i’ve been researching recipes for days. it’s funny, i was vegan for years and i remember making some dank soups without recipes. all the time actually. but i’ve gone and forgotten how to make good vegan food on demand, at least without using grains. i do know a lot of raw food recipes though, that should be useful in a couple of days.
after a couple of hours on the internet i still can’t find real advice on when to reintegrate cigarettes, alcohol and coffee. so i’m going to make it up. cigarettes as soon as i’m off the regular cleanse (though i don’t think i’m going to be too tempted to smoke until i have a cup of coffee or a beer in my hand), coffee the morning of the day after, once i’m eating a little bit of solid food, and alcohol that night, just a small drink to start with, again because i’ll have solid food in my stomach.
i almost forgot: something weird. i’m on birth control, using the ring (it’s a ring that secretes low doses of hormones inserted into the vagina for three weeks out of four). i’m scheduled to take it out on monday, the day after tomorrow, and normally, actually always, i start my period in the late evening of the thursday following the monday that i take it out. but the other night, last thursday, i started getting spotting and i still am, heavier now. not a full-on period, but like the end of it. it’s very weird. i thought when one starves oneself one’s period is postponed, not early. there’s some info on how the cleanse can make one’s period unpredictable, but i’m still confused because my birth control normally regulates it so well no matter what my diet or stress level. eh. i’m sure i’m in no danger. at least i didn’t miss it instead and have to worry about accidental pregnancy.
today and tomorrow, then orange juice and BROTH! hurray!

i regret not writing about this daily, at the very least so i can look back on it later if i ever consider doing this fast again. i’ve been reading that many people do it annually and at this point (not even done with my first) that seems like something i’d like to do. it’s not difficult for me and i feel very satisfied with myself and, though it may be placebo, healthier and more… awake. glad i’m doing this in the spring, i think it’ll be a nice straightforward transition. i must admit, though, i’m very tempted to give up. not because of hunger or anything like that, but just because i’m kind of bored with it. i’ve noted that boredom is a factor because i don’t have my usual hobbies, but at least for the first few days the fast was new and fresh and occupied a lot of my thoughts. now it’s just routine and annoying. i have an old friend in town and money in my pocket but i can’t buy him a drink at the bar or a cup of coffee at the cafe. i can’t make him dinner even. pretty annoying, like i said. and i have a three day weekend for the rest of this fast, the first day of it being today, and i’m out of things to do except clean the bathroom and kitchen, and hell if i’m going to clean the kitchen if i haven’t used it in a week and the bathroom, well, i just don’t want to.
i’m going to stick it out though. i can hardly give up on day eight.
i also wonder if i’ve lost weight. i don’t own a scale and i’m fat enough that ten pounds can come or go without much notice. i feel like i’ve lost weight, i must have anyway. guess i’ll never know.
only two more salt water rinses to go! thank god!

i just drank my salt water for the seventh time and i’m elated that there are only three to go. i thought the boredom was the worst part, but actually i’m beginning to think it’s the salt water. the first day of it was fine but it turns out i was using the wrong measuring spoon and since then the whole tablespoon of salt in the liter of water is almost too much. i haven’t vomited it up (yet) but it’s not getting any easier.
the not eating, on the other hand, is at least simple. i just don’t eat. normally when i shop i look at the back of the package to make sure i’m not getting any partially hydrogenated this or high fructose that, and definitely no ingredients that i don’t know what they are. then, once the groceries are home, i have to make sure i get protein in the morning, don’t eat after eight pm, eat fruit every day as i am wont to forget, and always be thinking about something new to eat so i don’t keep going round with variations on baked chicken (i love chicken). the lemonade, while not even on the same plane of deliciousness as baked chicken, is very straightforward.
i’ve been keeping myself motivated by reading blogs, i found an entertaining on yesterday at http://themastercleanseblog.blogspot.com/. it is the first thing i’ve read that addresses drinking alcohol after the cleanse any more than saying my tolerance will be low, though still not satisfactorily (how soon can i reintegrate alcohol? how low will my tolerance be? for how long? i still have these questions). i’m also motivated by a surprising group—my friends. while i didn’t expect any of them to actively discourage me i’ve been surprised to hear a few of them praise my perseverance and tell me they wish that they had the determination to do the cleanse. so i can hardly quit and destroy their new admiration, can i.
but speaking of getting alcohol back into my diet, i also want to know about bringing coffee and cigarettes back. i’m not too worried about the cigarettes as they don’t directly affect my digestive system. i’ll probably wait ‘til the night of the first day after the cleanse or maybe the second. coffee, though, i’m surprised i haven’t seen anything about it. lots of people drink it, many of them have no desire to quit drinking it, and it’s no doubt hard on the stomach. so i’ll be looking into that a little more intentionally these next couple days.
as far as actual detox progress goes my tongue turned white on the second day and was back to healthy pink by the end of the fourth day. that surprised me at first, that i detoxed so quickly, but really, while i have an unhealthy lifestyle by fda standards i’m actually more active than many americans and i eat whole, mostly organic foods, very few pre-prepared things pumped with chemicals. maybe i’m flattering myself but i think i probably had less chemical shit floating around in me than a lot of people who try this cleanse. so, having done that so quickly, i was considering using that as an excuse to quit, when i found out that some people get their mucous rope out of their colon. if you don’t know what that is, google images. and not while you’re eating. so i’m going to go the full ten days or until i get the mucous rope out, whichever comes first. probably i won’t get it out and i’ll be disappointed, but my birthday’s on the 18th and i’ve gotta be in shape to eat and drink for that, i refuse to fast on my birthday.
one of my roommates just got up and went to the bathroom, and i feel the first salt water… expulsion… coming on. he better hurry up!

i started the master cleanse yesterday morning. i woke up late and didn’t get home until 1:30pm, after going to the grocery store for the necessary ingredients. first thing i drank a liter of water with a teaspoon and a half of salt—and it wasn’t enough. after three hours of waiting i decided that the rinse wouldn’t work (worked this morning using a tablespoon of salt. eww) and went ahead and made some of the lemonade. it tasted all right for the first half glass, and now i hate it. i only drank three glasses instead of six yesterday ‘cause every time i got hungry i thought about the stuff and i felt fine again. today i’ve been up for seven hours so far and i’ve had three glasses so i’m on track to drink the right amount, and i’m going to try to.
i got started on this master cleanse sincerely after i decided to make some limoncello and was wondering what i’d do with all the lemons after i took their rinds, and yesterday i spent quite a bit of time peeling lemons and now have twenty white lemons in the fridge. a friend who’s done the cleanse before who i was complaining to suggested that i try what she did, say to myself “i have to complete the cleanse. what the hell else am i going to do with fifty lemons and a liter of maple syrup?” which is just more effective for peeled lemons, they won’t last five days in the fridge. i’m also pretty excited about the promise of squeaky clean insides, or at least insides with less impacted rotten meat and potatoes. already daydreaming about vegetable broth soup though…
it’s worth noting i’m a smoker (pack a day) drinker (average five a day) and coffee drinker (pot a day). as well as a gourmand. cooking is my only real hobby, unless you count drinking, which in my case one should. more than eating, drinking, coffee, or even smoking, i actually think my biggest obstacle is going to be boredom. i spend hours a day planning, shopping for and cooking my meals, and that’s all unavailable. i could possibly be cooking things that can be frozen, like tamales, but that’s just too tempting for me to try. i watched more television yesterday than i have in the last month just because i couldn’t think of anything to do. i found a sheet i’m going to make into curtains tonight, hopefully that will distract me for one day…

On the second of April I’ll be eating light, and on the third… there I’ll go!

My sister in law and I are just sitting around looking at pictures of food. You would think it gets easier, but the last days seem to be the hardest with the cravings. I really want to give up, but with one day of the lemonade left I have to stick with it.

I WANT TO EAT NOW!

Oh man, am I ever ready to eat some food! Two and a half more days of this, and then I can have some orange juice! My tongue looked really pink this morning, so thats a good sign.

I read three books so far. I think I can finish one more by Monday and maybe another by the last phase out day.

I’m at the end of day five. It feels good to be sort of half way through. Today is probably the worst day so far. I was okay at work and most of the day, but tonight I’ve been a little shaky. It could be from walking home in the rain/snow, too. If this is the worst I feel through the whole thing though, I really can’t complain.

It’s probably good the my drawing class was cancelled tonight anyway. I’m enjoying the down time this cleanse is allowing me. I’ve been reading like crazy. I finished two of the Sookie Stackhouse books since Sunday. I’m about to start the fourth.

I still don’t feel hungry. Its weird the way I think of food while I do this. I think about it A LOT, but it doesn’t make me hungry. I miss food, but I don’t necessarily have the desire to eat. I like to just enjoy the way food smells. I don’t mind that I can’t eat it. I’m really looking forward to being able to cook and bake (at home for fun, cause I do it for a living and thats not really the same.) Anyway, I am really looking forward my first day of eating whatever I want. I’m not going to go crazy, but I’m going to this awesome vegetarian restaurant with my brother and my sister in law to celebrate that we survived.

I’m totally babbling and probably writing in run-ons. If anyone read this far, I’m sorry for that.

Bring on day six.