stop feeling like i have to lie

’ oh sorry i can’t, i’m going to a gig with some faye and other people. you coudl coem as well though i guess. do you want to?’
‘oh no thats ok. doesn’t matter. sorry’

other than that phone call. i hvnt really spoken today.

its funny. im happier today than i have been for ages. but i didn’t half tell a good bunch of lies.

‘so how was your christmas?’
‘yeh it was great actually.’

‘why do you have a problem talkig abotu suicide?’
’ i don’t know.’

‘are you crying?’
‘hah! no!! look its onyl in one eye, that proves there just soemthing in it.’

‘dont worry i’m only going to lose the weight i gained at christmas.’

‘yeh i’m alwasy cold, dont know why.’

‘are you gonna have somethign for dinner’
‘no its ok i ate when i was out.

‘went to a restaurant for lunch and i just ahd loads of popcorn at the cinema, so i think i’ll pass’ (i hadn’t eaten anythign)

and theres probably loads more i’ve just forgotton.

i hardly lied at all today, but then i hardly talked. i can only have said about three sentences in the whole day. it’s easiest if i just don’t sy anything at all.

i didn’t lie so much today, but then i saw less people.

‘have you already eaten?’
‘ye, i ate in burger king.’ (like i’d eat anything from burger king)

‘you could tell me anything couldn’t you.’
‘yeh.’

‘you lookign forard to christmas?’
yeh, it’s gonna be good.’

i lied a lot today.
‘how are you?
fine thanx’

‘are you ok?
ye just tired. i’m cold.’

‘do you want a bacon sandwhich?
ye i’d love one.’

‘i’ve gained weight you know.’

‘today was good.’

‘do you want something to eat? are you hungry?
no im fien thanx. maybe i’ll ahve somethign later.’