eat clean

I admit this is a goal that I do not have traction on yet. Hopefully I can gradually start this by eating fruit and vegetables everyday.

I had my October no-candy no-bread goal that was helpful.

I had my ups and downs in October (illness, stress, some loss of motivation).

I’m ready for this month to be utterly spectacular!

I’ve been doing very well lately. Yay!

I’ve been bulimic for a few years, with disordered eating most of my life before that started.

I don’t know what I want. I don’t know if I want to recover, or if it’s even possible for me to recover. I’m trying to gain more control over myself, and by doing that maybe I’ll find a system that doesn’t freak me out and is marginally healthy.

The past two afternoons I fell off the wagon of clean eating; I bought candy and cookies from the vending machine.

The best part about this was finding out that they didn’t taste that great, nor were they as satisfying as my memory led me to believe.

So now I know that my clean eating snacks are actually what I prefer. Excellent lesson!

I’ve been doing this for about a year, at a pretty impressive level for a suburbanite in the USA.

However, there is room for improvement. I’m a big fan of Tosca Reno and have all of her books about eating clean.

I’ll add more entries about this in the coming weeks.

I have done really well since winter break. I’ve been sober for a week with purging and for some reason, I feel like I’ve gained a little more self-control since admitting I have a problem. While I’m still not totally normal, normal as in the head, I am seeing a dietitian in a week or two. Ironic, isn’t it, that I have to see a nutritionist when I’m majoring in that? First step is admitting. That’s all that matters. Everybody needs help sometimes.

Did pretty good..I feel myself gaining control again.
Wheaties w/skim milk and a handful of blueberries. Sometimes if I milk left in the bowl, I’ll finish it up with a different cereal. I did today w/grape nuts trail mix crunch. I also had an apple w/PB. Before my run I had a Chewy brand chocolate chip granola bar. And I just got done eating 1 1/2 PB sandwiches w/a cup of 1% choc. milk. Later I’ll probably have an apple or orange.

I ate pretty good today!

I had Wheaties w/skim milk and a banana with PB this morning, pretty in control as well. Early evening I had no sugar added Mott’s applesauce and then did my long run. A little bit ago I had an Amy’s burrito and stir fry vegetables. I did have a craving and ate two chocolate chip cookies, but at least I stopped and didn’t keep eating.

Peace.

Ate like absolute shit STILL! Cookies, funfetti cake, just NON STOP. I hate it. This is terrbile for my body, for my running, for my self-esteem. Nothing but a viscious cycle. I really can’t wait to go back to school and start w/classes, and go to yoga, and have to train on a set time. I’ve been doing nothing but praying, too. Please pray for me to get this under control.