stop self harming

I would love to stop it, but i just cant, My friends are twats and they walk all over me. I feel like shit all the time and i hate myself for having scars all over my arms and legs.

Im under a mental health hospital but i doesn’t help one bit.

i have been self harming from when i first got into highschool and it has become a habbit. when i first started all i wanted to do was fit in with the group cause everyone else was doing it. then everyone else stopped except me and my best friend we were addicted. three months later she tried to kill herself and i havent heard from her in more than a year. then i got worse and i couldnt go 2 days without hurting my self.

I thought i’d stopped but my moods have gotten worse lately, and it’s just a natural thing that i resort to when i’m struggling

I gave up on this and to be honest I was doing quite well, but after todays events I think I need to really work on this one.

So last night I cut while drunk, I made a mess of my arm. This morning I really did regret it after seeing the state of my arm. I got dressed and headed into work but about an hour into my shift my arm began to really hurt, I went to the toilet to find the inside of my jacket and tshirt sleeve covered in blood.

I debated biting my lip and getting on with my shift or confiding in my old team leader, at first I just asked her for some bandages but she asked why (even though I think she knew)

A long story short and the first aider had to get involved, they had to help me get my jacket off at this point, this is when I saw the look of shock and sadness on my old team leaders face… my face probably looked ashamed as thats how I felt.

Afterwards, the team leader just logged me out of my systems and told me to go home without even giving me a choice, not in an “angry go home now” way but in a “I can see you shouldn’t be in work today” way.

Not only does this reiterate that I shouldn’t get drunk alone (this isn’t the first time something like this happened) but also I really need to stop this, it’s the first time work have become involved and it really was shameful.

I want to stop self harming
it is hard and i did stop for about 2 months
bt i have started agen, and is upsetting me more

I want to prove to my friends and my self that i can stop for life

I want to try and prove my self esteem a bit better and not to cry nearly everyday with things on my mind.
And to stop cutting the rest of my life so no more scars on me.

I swear I’m getting worse, usually I only need to do every other month but I didn’t i twice last week. Then last night I got so bored I scratched a hash sign into my thigh and played naughts and crosses on myself for half an hour.

I want to beat it. I’m wearing a costume for something in May and it shows a LOT of skin, I don’t want to have scars everywhere.

Okay, changed my mind. Really, really want to stop now.
I don’t have any ‘game plans’ or tactics on how to deal with my emotions, just hoping that I’m strong enough to restrain. I’ve never really wanted to stop as much as this before.

In 3 months time I hope to have:
-Not cut
-Have made a decent attempt to fade old scars with vitamin C cream (does that help?)

Please please please work. I want to stop scaring the people that care about me.

I want to put this goal aside and keep it safe for when I’m really ready to get help.

I don’t want to hurt anyone else and I want them to trust me again and leave me alone.

I thought I could do this but I can’t.