Do one thing each day that's new or scary

so i managed to try some new food by buying a ready meal of something ive never tried before and stick it in the mircowave for dinner. I know, huge achievement, but its still something new.

a few new AND scary things have happened recently. First i got a new job at work on the front desk so now not only do i have to answer phones i also have to deal with the public, kept stuttering loads on my first day and sometimes i’d pick up the phone say good morning then go quiet thinking “what the fuck comes next?” but i done ok or i got through it at least.

Then today i actually returned trousers. I used my card to buy them which is why i had to do it myself cause normally i’d just get my mum to do it. Saying all this sounds really sad but i think i got a really independence problem in that im scared to do anything new, even things i want to do because i dont really know what to expect so its kinda like being scared of the unknow. Its sounds pathetic but this is where i need to get my act together.
Still those were both new expericence which to some or most people are no big deal whatsoever but to me they were and now that ive done them once the second time wont be a big deal me either.

today me and a couple of others went down to a running club in our local area and it was really really good, hard work but loved it. I was really scared about talking to people and i really didnt want to be the worse there. But i wasnt and i was able to talk, i was lucky though becasue we were doing sprit training and there was not more than i minute to chat in between running so really happpy about that, it felt like it was a good icebreaker too. Think i will go back too :D

But also today my sister left to america for the summer and my friend left to switzerland for the year! so im hoping this summer i can do some new things and overcome some fears (particurly shyness)and then brag about that when she gets back :P

I done a scary thing, i emailed the councelling and advisory place at uni to get an appointment to talk about things. I think i really need to speak to someone to talk about my feelings casue for whatever reason i can seem to get my point across to my mum and so just end up even more fusrtrated than before.

Started evening classes for autoCAD.

i was covering for a guy at work but his roles were completely new to me and it also ment i had to answer the phone! Well as it turns out it was no where near as bad as i thought it would be, infact i actually quite enjoyed doing something different.

i just emailed my tutor about arranging a meeting and i need to go in on tuesday. This was the frist time i contacted him since i failed to show for our last meeting, before christmas. I no how important it is and everything but that doesnt make it any easier. He really didnt like me for not showing up and i dont blame him but i jsut couldnt go and see him with fuck all work done and now im getting nervous that i still wont meet his standards. I went to see someone else abot it and he was really nice and helpful about it and he said i was very nearly there which is encourraging but that doenst make me feel any better now.

I just need to bit the bullet and go but im not the type of person who finds it easy to talk to anyone. Shit.

you wont think its that scary but today i tried Oasis for the first time. And while i know to some people tryind a new drink or food isnt a big deal it is to me casue well im so fucking fussy. But anyway now i can say i like to drink oasis. I’m thinking i could drink this instead of drinking so much diet coke but we’ll see how things go.

i managed to get the bottle to go to see my advicer of studies to get some help with my coursework. I was really nervos aboutsee him, like about what he was gonna say abotu my work so far, but actualyl everything turned out really well and said i was right on track. So if things arent as big a deal as i manage to hype them up to be then why do i never learn.

Accepting that where I am right now is where I should be is scary as all hell. And enjoying it is even harder. Slowly, I’m accepting and allowing myself to enjoy my life as it is, not as it should be. The “should be’s” are really the hopes and demands from outside of me. They’re not what’s genuinely inside my being: they don’t speak to me. When I try to live up to the “should’s” I get despondant, but radiating my true self awakens me. I will keep doing this one scary thing until it no longer scares me.