This is for all of the teenage girls everywhere..
I’m only 14 years old and i’m a freshman in highschool..
I know how your(and my) hormones are..
When you’re dating a really nice guy;football/basketball player,nice body,etc. Your hormones are out of control! [I know, so there’s no need to look at the screen and say “I’m not like that”.]
So, as I was saying, I decided to take things with my boyfriend to the next level..
So, I met up with him at his friends house, and we had sex..
But it wasn’t more than 5 minutes because he only had half on his “stuff” in and it was hurting.. So I asked him to stop because I wasn’t ready.. He was upset, I could see it in his eyes, but he said,” Ok, I’m going to respect your decision and wait.” [NO ADDED IN WORDS! THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HE SAID.]
So a couple of weeks go by and I was on the road to go to ATL for thanksgiving.. I started my period the day before we got there.. Two days later, which was yesterday, I went to take a shower.. I was taking off my underwear, and I don’t know what it was but something caught my attention. I was looking at my pad because I saw something that looked like a thick kind of bent circular object.. I thought it was just blood.. But it didn’t spread when i picked it up.. I wrapped it in a piece of toilet paper and ran to the computer.. I typed in things about misscarriage and it said that it seems like it’s a period and the heart comes out.. When I woke up this morning, my “period” was over.. After the first week I had sex, I was joking around saying I was pregnant to a couple of friends.. When I finished reading the passage, I broke out in tears.. I was actually carrying a human being, one of the most precious things that any woman in the world wants to do.. And I lost it.. I haven’t talked to anyone since yesterday.. People have been calling and texting me like crazy, but I haven’t responded.. They tried getting me on myspace and facebook, but I’ve just ignored it all.. I still haven’t told my boyfriend about it.. I know that when I call or text someone back, they’re going to ask what’s wrong.. But I don’t know how to explain.. I’ve isolated myself from the world, and I don’t know how to come back in..
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Entries
The name is true. I am an almost 12, a week from it, and am very contained. All my friends love me, and I’m the same, I am trying to be who I want to be. But it is very hard, there are many challenges.
My dad stands in the way of my life, my mom and him divorced, he married and had twins. Now there are ten people in the house, some of the time. I live with my mom but I want to get away from him. My dad is awful. Getting me in trouble for everything. He doesn’t buy me anything. I’m lucky to get two candy bars from him in a year, wait just one. Two would be a miracle.
My mom is an exact copy of me. We step in the same rythym. We have the same interests. I’m just her twin, except different eye and hair color to keep me my own individual. Also no one ever in my family has creativity. I got that. I am a gifted and talented student at my school. One day they grabbed me out of my class and put me there. I was immediatly in, smarter than everyone. Except for one person, Caleb. We were just about equal. I loved to sing and dance. I loved to play basketball. And though I didn’t know I did at the time, I was connected to running. If running were taken out of me. I wouldn’t be here. It’s just like a person without a heart. We have to go together.
Also, I am a mixture of my mom and my own person. Not like anyone in my family. So many different interests and talents. Such a different smile, shockingly stunning, as my friends say.
But that is Brielle. I am Alex.
Alex, she is just like her mom, own individual, but she is quiet and thoughtful. She is strong and wise. As fast as a cheetah. Even when sick. But Alex wants one thing most in the world. She wants to move, where there are oceans and mountains.
I have two sides. Only one teacher knows that and I just found out she knew that, she lives on my dad’s block, out of school I am not the good and quiet girl. I am just the oppisite.
So at school I am Alex. I live a quiet life. I am smart and talented, sometimes Brielle slips, just not around teachers.
But out, I run. Usually, it’s my transfortation. I am very outgoing, I don’t care if I get hurt. I don’t feel it. I do see the tears and scars but they ware off. I run along with my step brother, Connor 13, sometimes. One time we were running under full moon. Beautiful night. I felt a urge to run more and more, a kind of electricity runs through me, forcing me to go faster it used to hurt, really bad. Back to what I was saying.
Brielle is the bad side of me, preffering night. No need for day. But that is both sides, I hate the sun, it blinds my eyes, that’s why my room is dark. All the time. I can see. When I am Brielle I am very flexible and secretive. No one knows when I’m by them until they turn around and I flash a dazzling smile. Then turn with speed and launch out of the room. Brielle likes to run barefoot on the road, the cold brushing through her hair. Hitting her diamond blue eyes.
Alex is just there. Another part of me.
Now for my story.
Since I started 6th grade.
I hated my dad. He had quit coaching for Misty. Who I hated more. Very much.
I found happiness in my friends, but wasn’t me. I was just quiet and still. I found lots of me near Ian.
Ian and I were the best of friends. Laughing and talking. Smiling and teasing. Everyone liked me in science, because I was myself.
Ian was a clarinet and so was I. Our birthdays land exactly 4 months apart. Except he was a year older. Not much.
But then he moved to saxaphone. Our lives changed, he asked me to be his girlfriend and of course I agreed. But after Christmas break everything changed, I wouldn’t move or talk to him. Something pulled me away, I went to go get my eyes checked and then ended up with contacts. I could see perfectly at night though, so when my contacts were out, I preferred dark. Then came new friends and notes from a Church in a different state. I changed slowly into a better christian and gathered many more friends. I was turned popular. But I rarely said “hi” to Ian.
So he broke up with me and then a week later came begging for me back. I gave him a second chance and talked more often. But not enough. So finally I heard he was saying rumors about us to his friends. I told him he was walking a thin line, and then he fell off. I was angry at him for his lies and dumped him.
It went like this:
I smiled to the second clarinet, Angela. I was first, she blinked at my gaze and then looked away, I stopped smiling and she turned back, “I’m going to get rid of him.” I said, anger in my perfect eyes, “I can say it.” I shrugged, “Well, maybe.” Ian walked over and Angela stood up protectively in front of me, Mr. Rountree told him to sit. We all knew what he was going to say, the rumor was going around about I was thinking about getting rid of him. He sighed and pulled his clarinet to his face, he sat down and started playing.
“Ok. But do it now, don’t let him come after me.” She told him. I smiled. I could feel the sadness in him but that was what he deserved, after two months he is still begging for my apology, but I refuse. I can’t help it I get better by the day. More cheerful and smart more open and beautiful. I was trying to impress somebody. And this time it was a crush I had since 4th grade.
So my life is complicated, getting easier. I can’t say who I like, but he is wonderful. We are alike. He’s smart, handsome, nice, has a good group of friends. He’s in g.t.’s to and he’s my age.
I would like to say more but I can't.So I am saying, I am like no other of my families. Oh and I forgot, my 2nd cousin was in the olypics for running, but I feel I have more interest in it. She died in a car crash :C I plan to fill her place one day though.More laterI’m delighted to find this website , I saw many native english speaker’s messages here , which will benefit me and helpful for me to improve english . I really wish speak fluent english , and express myself in right words and express , and reach to write out beautiful essay . I　started to write diary from last month , by this way I can recode my thoughts and practise english in some degree , but I also clearly recognized that I have been making many mistakes when writing diary , I don’t know how to correct and what are the good express way if don’t publish them . I sincerely people here can help me point out my mistakes and tell me the right expressions . I would like to make friends with guys and girls here
everybody wants to be successful, earn money become a star a rockstar probably but deep down the way to do so is rather too thin to enter in then we think . there is a lot to be done to so that others try to be like you .
if m unsuccessful so what i m ??
there is lot to find or i will just wait for the right time , hope is all that i have, ihave a lot to say cause i m unsuccessful and it’s all like that .
want to cure my disease , get rid of it my life .
it kills when you r deprived, never felt that before because you are reading not just my words but my life and fortunately am dead and you are alive ..
I am young but i feel like everything is bottled up inside and i wanna scream it out and i really dont have anyone to scream it too, im looking for a place where i can send my thoughts and writing to people who will understand and i dont have to worry about looking them in the face knowing they know my weakness, so i hope this website can help
I am young and bold and beautiful. The stars dont ever can compare on my realationship qualities.I am a queen in my husband eyes and a dimond glowing at my children. I soar above anyone that tease me and scold me. I am higher than that. I work to satisfy my life, my household, and my auntsetors. I am a sector of greatness and nothing eles can compare to a bloomin fruit tree. Thats why I PUT ANY THING LAST. But what i put before any one, thing, place . Is the almighty GOD!
i think the one should try to be erfect bcoz no one is perfect .
even computers didnt help me to solve my proplem so i joined this great site to ask u ho to be perfect? , i can ask why do u want to be perfekt i would tell u that when i was young i was abad one and i think i still bad and i want to help myself .if been perfect is so hard so i must try to be agood one not even more than that .in my opninan i think
i have always wanted to, but when ever i do in school or what not, i get in trouble, then have a talk with the guidance consular. it’s nothing unnormal to me, but the people around me can’t stand to see me cry…? i’ll write about it one of these days… idk… yeah i think i will… maybe tonight! who knows, but yeah… Expressing myself threw writing is something that just makes teachers and principals think i’m crazy or something… w/e read about what happened later in life, idk, possible tonight.
