Sit on it

...that this goal is basically the exact opposite of the next and final one on my list. Hmm.

For the most part I am over my first love (we never FULLY forget these people).

It’s been 4 years. We live 15 miles apart and NEVER see eachother unless it’s an accident (which has happened 4 times in two years). I haven’t seen him since last November.

But for whatever reason I kept getting the urge to contact him tonight. I kept telling myself DON’T DO IT!

We both have online photo albums that are linked to eachothers. So, instead of contacting him, I browsed his album to get my “fix”. And that’s when I saw pics of him with a woman, that truth be told, looked perfect for him. She was everything that he’d always wished I was and that I never wanted to be.

That’s when it hit me: we really are better apart. So…wherever he is, and whatever he’s doing with whomever…I wish him the best of luck.

And I am SOOO glad that I SAT ON the urge to open a book that has been closed for a long, long time.

So…last entry I was sitting on two things:

1.) My flakey “friend”: I didn’t contact him for five days after he flaked. He finally contacted me and when he did I told him that I thought he was a great guy and I enjoyed spending time with him however I was not willing to jump through hoops to see him. That I was tired of his flakey-ness. He apologized and went out of his way to make it convenient for me the next time we saw eachother. It felt really good to respond in my own time. I consider this a victory.
2.) The ambigious email: I finally responded last night and know that the perspective I gained from waiting made that response much better. I was not so emotionally attached when I wrote it. Still in the air whether this was a victory or not.

I am currently “sitting” on two things.

1.) A friend and I made plans to go for drinks…he bailed last minute asking to reschedule. Okay, so, he’s more than a friend…he’s an ex and this was one of the major reasons that he turned into an ex. My initial reaction was to phone or text to call him out on his flakey behavior. But then I made myself not do anything and the next morning when I woke up…I realized it didn’t really bother me all that much. Four days later I still haven’t called and I feel really good about it.
2.) Another friend sent me an odd, ambigious email that I didn’t fully understand. Interpreting it along my lines of thinking made it sound really bad. But I made myself wait a few days in order to think it over. Now, after a discussion with another friend, I realize that my understanding may be completely opposite of what that person meant to write. Either way, I am glad that I didn’t respond right away!

I tend to be highly organized, responsible, and accountable. Mostly good qualities. I am also totally Type A and love to be in control. This means that I handle most things in life quickly, efficiently, and completely. This works in business, school, and usually life. It does not work in interpersonal relationships with friends, family, and significant others. (Okay…how many sentences with three subjects can I make…lol)

I tend to interpret situations in the way as if it were me acting…which is dangerous because people do not act with intentions always similar to mine. Then when I’ve interpreted these situations I react quickly and resolutely.

A lot of relationships could have been saved or not damaged had I learned to just sit on something and let myself get some perspective before acting.

A friend of mine and I have made a pact to react slower to things that upset us or make us feel emotionally charged.

Wish me luck! This is one of my biggest ones and it will not be easy.