make 2007 my year of victory!

In many ways I suceeded in 2007.
I did way better at school then even I could have imagined.
I planned my exchange trip overseas to Australia.
I travelled in the summer.
I supported my mum.
In other ways, though, I feel I did not achieve some goals.
2008 will be the year that I do that!

Although I didn’t put anywhere near as much effort as I intended. 2008, though, that will be my year of victory.

*My divorce was finalized!!!!!
*X’s stuff out of my garage!! I spoke up and set a deadline and it happened!
*Applied for new jobs even though I Love the one I have. I’m working toward relocating and having a house chosen to meet my needs and wants. I know where I want to be and I’m working toward that goal.
*Sang in a real concert! One of six people on stage singing accapella. Very positive response.
*I let my daughter move away from home, even though I believe it wasn’t a good idea, and I am supporting her with love and encouragement-not money.

my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him, which totally freaked me out.

believe me, it’s a pretty cool life just as it is. but to share that cool life with someone else feels pretty victorious at the moment.

but don’t think I accomplished as much as I set out to do. 2007 was one of the worst/best years of my life. Apart from what I set out to do myself I was actually able to help my 17-year-old apply to University programmes in Vermont and in the UK. She was accepted with conditions to the Universities of Nottingham and Leicester and was officially offered a place in the Modern Languages Programme at the University of Sheffield and the University of Vermont. She will accept the Sheffield offer. I’m immensely proud of her. I couldn’t ask for a daughter more dedicated to her studies than her. Her 2007 victory is my victory as well.

but i’ve had one of the worst months in years and i’m feeling sucky and sore and frustrated and broke and full up with self pity. i hate pain. it hurts. and living on pain killers that only work for 2 hours is not my idea of living.

ignore me, i’ll get out of this eventually.

some ups and downs, but always a good goal

I can reflect as to whether 2007 has been my year of victory or not. I gave up this goal a while back but it was my friends here that gently nudged me back into the fold. In the grand scheme of things no 2007 hasn’t been a year of victory but if I let myself focus on those little things this year that have pushed me forwards, the people who have helped and supported me and the plans and hopes I now face 2008 with then yes 2007 hasn’t been so bad after all.

my last entry on this goal was 5 weeks ago and i suddenly recalled it this morning. i was so positive, so recently. what happened to swing my attitude in those few weeks? how fast things can change.

i am feeling very low today. largely this change is due to a surge of anxiety and health problems that are not new but that have been dormant for much of this year, or at least 6 months of it. i have fibromyalgia which had also all but gone and in the past couple weeks the pains and tiredness and many other symptoms have flared up again making me feel really miserable.

this has impacted on my personal peace and happiness and in turn my relationship with the x-x has been dealt a heavy blow from which at this point i don’t know if we can recover.

so instead of feeling like this has been a victorious year i’m feeling back to square one, and really pretty damn depressed.

not a good way to end an otherwise largely good year. i don’t know if i have the energy to work through all this shit again if in the end i’m back to where i started.

regardless how 2007 was for us let’s make like a mountain climber and strive for the next summit after we reach this one – the new goal : make 2008 MY year of victory