Maintain healthy relationships with myself and others

It’s the basis of all of it for me. Respect for others, self-respect and mutual respect. If any one of them weren’t there I would have to walk away, no matter how hard it was.

To “maintain” i’d have to keep this on here forever, so I guess I’m kind of promising myself that I’ll keep doing this. i’ve done good so far, I don’t think I’ll slip up too much, if at all. I’m a lot calmer now than I used to be.

I added this goal to my list because I believe this to be the most important thhing in my life. Especially, it’s essential to mantain such relationships with your relatives and friends…

One of my biggest issues is setting boundaries with people. I’m not very good at it. This week has been enlightening and has shown me that this would be a good time to refocus on this goal. I had guests staying with me for the last four nights, and while I love them dearly, I am exhausted. I have cramped three to four people in my smaller place, and feel like I’ve had my house completely invaded. Invaded by people who do not always treat my home the way I do (although, I do tend to be a bit anal about keeping things in perfect condition). I have not had a chance to have any privacy, and I am starting to realize how important that is for me. Time to be able to get work done (I work from home alot), time to go for a run, time to pick up the place so it doesn’t feel like there has been a suitcase explosion. But most important I need to learn how to tell people I need these things without feeling guilty about it.

Now the very positive parts of having people stay with me, is good chats late into the night, having people around and not feeling so lonely during this period I have been going through of major transition. Having a baby around to hold and play with, and breaking myself of my normal routine, which I’ve seemed to latch onto quite strongly lately, probably due to other parts of my life feeling so unstable.

I guess the bottome line is, I’m glad I’ve had this week, but I am also very excited for tonight, when they’ve left, and I can have a little ‘me’ time….and maybe I’ll think more in the future on how to set the boundaries, so I don’t feel so tired by the end of it all. Being a single person as you get older is strange, while so many people are used to being around others constantly (married, kids, etc.), you get used to being alone and loving it. Maybe to our detriment, but then again, maybe not.

I never seem able to keep friends when they get too close i push them away

I feel as if I’m less stressed about my daughter’s life (probably helps that she has an apartment of her own, now), but I’m wondering whether “healthy” and “disengaged” are really the same. It’s not that I’m disinterested, or don’t care. It’s just that it’s easier to resign myself to knowing there are things in her life that I can’t do anything about … and that THAT is the way it’s supposed to be. Again, much easier when the person isn’t living in my house. Much easier to send loving good wishes for her life, without continuously judging that it’s being done “wrong” because it’s not being done “my way.”

Its hard to get along with my mom when she’s fucking crazy. I’m about to kick her in the face.

Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s the most important thing I’ve ever done. It’s the thing that has helped me learn the most about myself, the world, and what’s possible and impossible. It has brought me the highest highs and the lowest lows (mostly from my own obsessive worrying!), the proudest prouds and the deepest loves. Parenting adult children, especially those still in their “teens,” has been an increased challenge. My latest lesson is to figure out how to express unconditional love and support, even when I disagree with my child’s path or decisions. All I can do is hope my message is getting through … no matter what, I love you!

I had long-overdue, open, and honest conversation with my aunt yesterday, on a topic that has been too touchy to broach for more years than I care to remember. We understand each other better now. And I am so grateful for the opportunity and the love that continues to flow to me from her and my all-time favorite uncle. Hugs to both of them!

Zac and I broke up and I’ve gone through 2 boys already, both were worthless. Maybe I am just a man hater? All of my friends hate me because of the way Zac and I broke up, they took his side. I don’t really think I care though, they’re all losers. Making new friends is pretttty neat.

::edit::

and * is a fat slut, and I will always view her as that. Forever.