choose action over sloth

One thing I sometimes struggle with on 43T is where to draw the line between accepting myself as I am and pushing myself to be better. Being part of a community that’s so goal-driven and action-oriented can make it feel that if I’m not pushing myself as hard as anyone else I’m not doing enough, and since self-acceptance is important to me and I refuse to be made feel not-enough, it’s easy to swing too far in the opposite direction and let myself get away with not pushing myself at all.

Acceptance comes easily to me. I don’t beat myself up over what I’ve done or not done, I don’t often wish people or situations were other than they are, I’m usually perfectly ok with what is rather than what “should be”. The last few weeks, having abandoned my goals, I’ve allowed myself to do and be pretty much whatever I wanted without worrying that I should be accomplishing more, should be eating better (bit of a write-off over the holidays anyway, that one!), should be exercising, should be keeping a closer eye on my mental and emotional wellbeing. And it’s been lovely and relaxing and comfortable – but my waistline is suffering, my flat is a mess and my life is in general disarray, and I’m starting to feel vaguely guilty for not making more effort. This is a clear sign that I’ve let healthy acceptance slide into laziness and it’s time to give myself a virtual prod in the posterior and get moving again.

I’m starting to see that this is a cycle I’ve been round repeatedly and will undoubtedly go round again. Ideally, now that I’m aware of it I’ll be able to find the right balance between action and downtime without slumping into sloth.

If I’d only take the necessary five minutes to do my filing every day, I wouldn’t have to spend a mind-numbingly boring hour sorting out and filing two weeks’ worth of paperwork.

is lazing in the late-afternoon sunshine, in the park with my book, on this first sunny day we’ve had since last week.

What I am doing is staying late at work in an effort to get a head-start on the catching-up (if that’s not too much of a contradiction :-p ) I need to be on top of everything by Tuesday, as I’ll be taking a few days off while my friend is here.

Whose idea was this damn choosing-action lark, anyway?!

Sigh. Back to the paperwork.

I did absolutely nothing yesterday evening, except clean out my email (having finally got set up with Little Bro’s computer) and eat far too much chocolate. Thanks to that, I woke up this morning feeling almost hung-over – lethargic, irritable, unable to muster the motivation to go to the gym as I had planned, totally unproductive at work. Unless I want to continue getting nothing done all day and have another slothful evening, I need to do something to pick myself up; so I’m going to go home at lunch, put some laundry on, open all the windows in my flat, do some tidying, and play with the cats. The walk and fresh air will re-energise me, the laundry will be ready to hang up when I get home this evening, the open windows and tidying will make it pleasant to come home, and playing with the kitties is good for the soul :o)

but having no computer at home is definitely helping with this. The last two evenings I’ve got so much done that I wouldn’t have if I’d come home and switched on the computer as I usually do. I haven’t even really missed it that much, although I suspect I will if it goes on much longer!

i didnt chose to buy a wood, but i did chose to get off my butt and join a slimming club,

but i would also like to chose to do more exercise, so will chalk this goal up as done but want to do again

and i will then put down entries each time i chose action over sloth

ya to me

and i am excited and a little scared
i want something very much and it makes flangie aged 6 jump up and down with child like glee

i want my own patch of earth, i want my own little wood, and i may have it

oooooooh, i will find it hard to sleep tonight

mmmmm, may hibernate just this moment, and try and get up to speed for spring

It was gloriously bright and sunny here at lunchtime and I wanted to get out in it, so instead of walking in the park, I walked home and put some laundry on. By the time I get home after work it’ll be finished and ready to hang up to dry, and it felt like much less effort than having to do it in the evening. I got to have a nice relaxed lunch at home with the kitties, too :o)

I knew I was doing it, too, and couldn’t muster the motivation to do anything about it. It made me feel icky.

Fresh start this week. There will be action and productivity and usefulness and general getting-my-act-together.