stop being co-dependent

not for me. I do recognized I have some elements of being co-dependent. Such as hard to ask my need to other and I put my need to the end of a list. Do more for others than do for myself, hard to accept compliment… Fow now I put this goal to the end because it was enough to know that I have that tendency. I will be more careful not to do too much for other people.

I wish I understood co-dependency more. I don’t have a good grasp on what it is all about. All of the books I find on the subject focus on addictive relationships which do not apply to my circumstances.

wow. my issues around co-dependency have jumped up and slapped me in the face over the past couple of weeks and all of a sudden i’ve been provided with the opportunity to look back on my history of relationships – including platonic – and can conclude the a majority of them have been centered around my co-dependent habits. this has been a bit of a ground-shaker – it’s quite scary to realise there are aspects of your personality that you denied so blindly that you didn’t even feel they existed. but of course learning and growing are totally positive and i’m glad i’ve discovered this part of myself and even more so that i’ve chose to address the issue. anyway, i found a co-dependency anon. group and had my first meeting last night. i’m not really one for communal self-help settings but hey, there’s a challenge in itself.

i have only just realised that i suffer serious co-dependency issues. i’ve always heard the term and disasociated myself from it because i am a very outwardly confident and outgoing person. i have a great career, make good money, own my own house and have always considered myself very independant. however my dark secret is that i am a total ‘rescuer’. i’ve had a long term relationship just end with someone who i have consistently bailed out, supported (financially and emotionally), fed, housed, cared for. i really thought i was just being a nice person, a total saint. it was only when this person and another friend both brought up the notion of co-dependency in response to my behaviour that i took a book out from the library on the issue. it has never even crossed my mind before that i was any part of the problem. i just thought my partner was letting me down, taking advantage of my kindness. rather, i have mastered situations where someone needs me so that i feel valued and important, in the process making them totally dependent on me so that i can control them. it’s a blessing that this has been pointed out to me and i am going to consciously work on this pattern of behaviour to ensure that my next relationship, and all relationships within my life, are balanced, equal and totally non codependent.

Some guy called the other day and wanted to know if I would go with him to a music festival the next evening. It conflicted with a class I’m taking that I really love. I almost said yes and thought I would skip my class but then I said no. I decided I AM NOT going to give up something I love that is so important to me just to make some guy happy. I figure if he really wants to hang out with me he will respect the fact that I have something else important going on in my life and invite me to hang out some other time. I was proud of myself for not giving up my life for some guy.

I am working hard to find some activities to participate in just for myself. My goal is to make these activities just about me and to try NOT to give them up for anyone no matter who calls and wants something from me at the same time. So far it has been easy but I’m afriad it will get harder….especially if some guy comes in the picture.

I’ve just started reading abou it last Friday. And it seems to me that it would be beneficial for me to do this. We’ll see.

I don’t have to keep other people’s dirty secrets or make excuses for them!

I have come to realize that I am nice to people and do things for people many times as a way to control them or a situation. It’s not a conscious thing but after I do somthing for someone else I realize that I’m so giving because I think if I do something nice for them then they will “owe” me. They will have to be nice to me, or be my friend, or spend time with me or whatever. But, I do like doing nice things for people too. I feel like this having to be nice all the time is something that is so deeply ingrained in me. I can hardly imagine saying no to someone who asks me to do a favor for them. Especially if it’s someone I really care about. I am JUST now figuring all of this out. I am going to have to somehow figure out where the line is between doing nice things for the right reasons and the wrong reasons.

hello