stop being co-dependent

I am a co-dependent not because I have been involved with drug-addicts/alcoholics I have been trying to rescue. I am a codependent because I get affected by the moods of people close to me to an extreme, and I can beat myself up because of this. That could be close friends, boyfriends and family.

For example… If a friend I am close to does not call me for a week, I drive myself crazy, thinking he or she has forgotten me or does not want to be my friend. (Obsession is part of codependency).

So, I am currently reading “Codependent No More” and doing therapy. Because of the situation with my insurance, I am doing this twice a week until next year. I am also reading “Codependent No More” by Melodie Beattie. I am considering going to a 12 step group just to see if that works for me. The first meeting is tomorrow.

I just read this book after getting out of a relationship with someone with a strong alcohol dependency who used and used me. I have to say I’ve cried a lot reading this and realising that I put other people’s feelings before my own then later feel used and abused. The most important thing I’ve learned is that “you cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person’s feelings”. This above all things is enabling me to stay free from my ex. Though everytime I receive a text or an email from him and don’t respond I feel almost evil and it really upsets me. I need to do a lot of work on boundaries and learning that I’m not responsible for how other people feel. I have to do some Family of Origin work, which scares the hell out of me. I’ve been looking at CoDA meetings online but I’m not sure if I’ve got it in me to go to one yet. Above all I am scared.

that I let the negative moods of other people affect my mood! I did know that I do this, but I am now in a place where I can really see how badly I do this! When I do this, I give away my power and peace! :(

Hi all..
came across this webpage by accident.
i’m so freaking codependent on my ex. I broke up with him a year ago because i wanted to do my own thing, but eventually wanted to continue dating after 6 months that we had been broken up. now, he doesnt want to be in a relationship and i want to so bad. i get an upset stomach everytime i see him, and everytime i’m hoping that he will change his mind about being together… i think about it all the time. i’ve look through his phone, i’ve looked through his emails.. i am so fucked up right now. i know it isnt doing me anything but harm and i really want to stop. but everytime i try to hang out with other people or just keep busy, i’m still thinking about if he’ll text me today, or call… or something…
help

I’ve realized recently that a lot of my past relationships (ok, most all of them) have been characterized by codependent behavior patterns. They’ve all hurt quite a lot and have taken so much out of me emotionally, physically, and psychologically, and I’m now realizing that part of that pain is caused by my own behavior patterns.

I want to stop seeking out the same kind of people and situations- the ones where I always feel like I have to give 115% and get nothing back. I want to learn not to shepherd others at my own expense and to learn to place more value on myself (that sounds horrible to say!)

I suspect that I fall into codependent patterns, but at the same time I’m doubting myself- what if that isn’t it? It just seems too easy that there is a word for my relationships, with support groups and what-have-you. I’m looking into going to a local CoDA meeting (I’m fortunate, there are several), and I suppose I’ll take it from there…

Being co-dependent makes life so hard! I want to stop!

Someone I love needs help. They are setting their life onto a crash course for disaster. I just ache inside so badly to reach out and help and do anything I can to make it better. I don’t know at all where the line is between offering hep in a healthy way and bad way. Do I offer to help or do I sit back and wait to be asked for help? I don’t know! I want to do what is healthiest for me because I know I ultimately can not save someone else.

It’s a real catch 22 when the person you love who is perfect for you and admits you are perfect for each other can’t be with you because they don’t think they deserve happiness and being with you would make them happy! Ugh!!! It sure fits into this wanting to help someone and save someone thing. WHY would I even want to be a part of this craziness??

So, now life seems to be soo much better at being dealt with. I still feel the need to get words out far too much, but I am MUCH better.

Blindness is the only word I can come up with to describe why I stuck around in this 1 year long committed relationship with a girl that wasn’t even “there.” She wasn’t there mentally, or emotionally…not even physically. In a sense, I was alone. I have felt so empty inside for a long time. I’m trying to tell myself it isn’t worth it. But I’m beginning to feel like I’m addicted to my own pain. Like the only way for me to happy is to be with someone that makes me miserable. Why do I have this mindset? How do I overcome this? I’m so lost…I feel like I have no one.