BadKat is reacquainting herself with 43Things.
I did not want children. Period.
I did not want to be cursed with potentially screwing up someone’s life by birthing and raising them.
And then I turned 38.
No ticking or tocking of the bio clock. It was all gongs and bells and blaring buzzers.
Babies. Everywhere I looked there were cute little giant eyed babies and toddlers. They weren’t doing anything special. They were just being and in just being they were beautiful.
So I said to the guy (ex- 7 years my junior), I said… “You know, if you change your mind about having kids you pretty much have the rest of your life to do so. For me, time is running out. I think I may want to reconsider my position on this.”
And he didn’t answer. Well, not right away and not directly. We were out for dinner. When we got home and before we got busy he deliberately dumped the condom stash in the garbage.
It didn’t take long, in spite of warnings from my doctor that it could take forever at my ‘age’.
And there she was. All wrinkled and squishy and noisy. She threw me for a loop. Here I thought I would be the one in control. I struggled to keep it. It was a losing battle. She won. And when I gave in – well, I don’t think I have words to describe how happy I am that I did give in.
Mommy. I love the sound of it (except when it’s hollered for the nineteen hundred and sixty seventh time in the course of an hour). Who’d of thunk it? Career woman. Just plain old Kat. Anything but being identified as ‘that kid’s mom’.
Being Moppet’s mom is more joyful than I can describe. No, I’m not one of those crazed give-up-your-life-do-nothing-for-yourself-sacrifice-all mommies. I love having a life. I love having a life with H apart from kids. I love doing things for myself. My journey with Moppet is one of discovery and encouragement and sharing and unconditional love and playing and seeing the world through her eyes. My love for her knows no limits and my life and heart are fuller for her.
Do I recommend doing this? Hell, yeah!
I didn’t think I was cut from the mommy cloth. And then I learned that there is no cloth. No mystery. It just is if you will let it be so.
