make my life exactly what I want it to be

i want my life to be full of amazing.

I dreamed of falling in love, getting married, having babies and living in a nice house. As I grew up other dreams arose in my mind, a fulfilling job, being a stay home mom, havng enough money to not worry how to put food on the table. Then others grew, travel, go to England and Venice, eat in nice restaurants, have a nice wardrobe, entertain often, be in great shape, go to college, get my degree. Still more dreams arrived, do well in school, have great kids, enjoy life with them, be happy, leave my husband, make ends meet, find courage to move 1000 miles. Then onto finding another job and apartment, encourage and inspire my teenagers, learn to love again.

I realize that my life is exactly how I wanted it to be even when it has been 180 degrees from where I started. I have made dreams come true. I am still making dreams come true. I will always have dreams and my life will always “eventually” be exactly what I want it to be, because that is what I do.

if it is “what I want it to be”?

I guess I would be 40 pounds lighter, more self-confident, in better shape, financial better off (and that is just having the ability to pay my bills, save more than I do, prepare for my retirement, and have a safety net) as far as relationships go, would like to have a special someone, not necessarily a husband just someone to love, respect and understand and who reciprocates. Be woring in a job I love that is challenging and fulfilling and have a good smattering of freinds.

I don’t need great wealth, model man, perfect job, big house, and flaw free body. My “exact” life makes me happy and that is it.

where to write this entry. I am applying for two new jobs today. I am very capable for either one of them. Again it was my friend pat who sent me the links to the jobs. Both pay well enough thatI would not need to a work a second job. It is just a shot but if I dont throw my hat in the ring it is a guarantee that I would not get the job. Working one job would be the beginning of making my life exactly like I want it to be. Let’s see.

it just has to be what I want it to be at the moment. I don’t want everythign to go exactly like I plan it, that would be boring. I don’t need all my goals to be accomplished for things to be exactly like I want them to be. Goals should be constantly changing, you should be constantly growing an learning.

I guess this goal is here to help me and remind me of what and where I want to be and go.