give up control

I almost have panic attacks when I am not in control of something in my life. I feel like a complete failure, and I feel like I can’t stop trying until I have that control. I think this has affected me in many ways, my relationships, my work and my homelife. And then, when I am an otherwise very organized person, it seems like everything just explodes. I can’t distinguish between what I can and cannot control, and then I am so overwhelmed, I just give up altogether. I need to focus on striking a balance between what I can control, and what is out of my control.

If I don’t have control over something, it invades my mind with an insane amount of force and I won’t feel better until I feel I have some sort of control. When I feel out of control in a situation, I literally get sick. My stomach is in knots for days and I can’t sleep. Now is one of those times, and it’s interfering with my life. It’s time to let go…

I have been learning about how I protect myself in relationships so that I don’t lose control…I never tell people that they have hurt me…I go away and reconcile within myself…finding out why and how did there action or comment hurt me. I have so many triggers that I just brimming with open wounds that don’t take very much to flare up. I never even thought about telling someone they hurt me…I would feel very vunerable…I would be letting myself open for an attack…I need to trust…Let go and trust people. People will hurt me and I can forgive them, learn more about myself and grow…