love and be loved

I internet chatted with M a little bit the other night. It’s so strange that all the feelings I had for him before just are not there anymore. I miss him for how things used to be. I don’t like the feeling of him being a stranger. He said it was good to talk and I think it was, the air is cleared a bit despite nothing being mentioned and only chitchat really. But I’m glad he is not lost. Perhaps I can draw him now.

I think know I have completed these goals already but I just like to keep them there. it’s not just a one time thing, it’s a way of life!

It seems as if this is never going to happen to me. i dont know how to love so how can someone love me ?

I could easily mark this goal as done because of all the love around me, the love I give and receive, the love I share with so many people. But this is something I want to keep on my list forever, because Love really is one of the most important things in my life. I cherish it and I want to be reminded of it, how blessed I really am to have such a wonderful, loving family, such great friends and such an extraordinary boyfriend. They’re my circle, they’re my safety net, they’re my light, they’re my everything. ♥ ♥ ♥

And a special note about my darling Juho.
We’ve been together for a bit over four months now, we got to celebrate our four month anniversary in France and it was fabulous. (Photo from our swimming trip by the Mediterranean Sea, on June 1st.) There are no real words for how I feel about him, he’s just so special and perfect. I could try to describe this, him, everything, but this can’t be explained, not fully. It’s just love, the utmost greatest and purest love I’ve ever felt for a man before. He truly is the greatest guy I’ve ever known, I really mean it. He just keeps making me so happy and excited about him, there really are no “flaws” in him. He keeps doing everything right. I realize that he must be flawed, because he is after all only a human, but that doesn’t bother me. We are all flawed and I’m certain that when his possible flaws will surface, I will come to love them just as much as I love him.
I’ve stumbled across some old entries of mine, from times when I dated other guys and those entries have really made me understand just how precious Juho is. I’ve said that those other guys had made me happy before, that I had liked them a lot, that they had been good to me. But I can see how “wrong” I was – those feelings were nothing compared to this. I was not always very well treated, I could say that all of my ex’s have hurt me (perhaps unintentionally), but Juho has not done even one thing wrong. He always makes me feel good, he’s always there for me, he does such cute things for me. He’s the best, honestly. ♥ I couldn’t be happier and I couldn’t have asked for anyone greater than him.

People are actually placing bets about what our first fight will be about! LMAO!

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Everyone, to have love for everyone.

Well i got a guy finally after waiting a year..!...And now comes more waiting and commitment and honesty and loyalty but I’m ready for that… I just don’t know if he is..?

On May 23 we will celebrate with my boyfriend our one year and five months together. Happy and excited even if lots of problem we been encounter we will stay stronger. Some of saying that we are not compatible because of the age gap he is 24 and I’m 23 for me is not really barrier, most important we show them love and happiness we have.

I really love him because he show and feel me what is really love is, he was guiding me all the time, and converted to my religion. I feel admiring. “For you mahal, All I can say is I LOVE YOU so much, no matter what I always here for you, whatever comes to us be strong and include our Almighty God for his guidance”

I thank to those connection friends why were happy and in love. My best friend and brother in law (to be).

My oh My.
Next friday two months together with my boyfriend.
Still in love. Also still afraid, but it gets better.
We’re having good times together, and our bond slowly
grows stronger.

The longer we’re together, the more we can
laugh together, be ourselves, have good conversations.
Showing our feelings is still a lil’ problem I think.
I’m really afraid to show my negative emotions, cause of
what I’ve witnessed in the past. Think he is sometimes afraid
to hurt me, and therefor also doesn’t show everything. But it’s
getting better.

Home situation is less positive. Lots of conflicts with my mother.
Don’t feel comfortable at home, and certainly not loved. And about being taken out of my homesituation.. I’ve got no idea what’s going to happen. There’s still no decision made. All I can do is wait.

I called him on Friday as a last ditch attempt at communication, after my letter and texts have gone unanswered. He didn’t pick up so I left a message saying I was calling to see how he is and that I was doing great and hoped to talk to him soon. He texted me at 3am saying he doesn’t have international calling on his phone anymore so he’ll call me from work on Monday. I wonder if he will.