see where love takes me

I just HAD to add this goal…
Thank you Annache – I also have copied the following, which I find very touching:

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.

Up, down, right, left, North, East, West, Northwest, up and up, to space and beyond, to heaven, to hell and every realm between, from godlike bliss to fallen angel remorse, from sainthood to oblivion, redeemer and redeemed, love, if you allow it, would make a hell of your life, and a heaven too, love will take you to places you only dreamt before you were born, and sometimes would make you wish you’ll never came out of that place, love, because of it you realize your loneliness, when as a kid you discover there’s a link between your parents you’ll never share, as a full grown man or woman, would take you pride and independence and forever bound it to someone else whims. Love is love is love as a rose is a rose is a rose, the first God according to the greeks, the gravity that ties us together, that bound us and free us, make a fool of us and give us wisdom, love doesn’t respect limits or choices, would take you to places you dislike but you won’t notice, love is blinding, rewrites reality to suit its desires, love is an eye opener, love is a kiss, love is a smile, love is love is love.

A day or so ago, I realized that A is usually always excited about life. It seems that while at work, teacher training, cooking, wherever… he finds a way to focus on how great it’s going and he gets excited. He loves his job, sharing what he knows and it shows. That energy is uplifting and contagious~

I surprised my love by showing up at yoga without calling to say I’d be there. He was laying with his eyes closed when I walked in, so I stood beside him, unrolled my mat and watched him smile as he opened his eyes. He didn’t think I was coming because I hadn’t called… Class was both challenging and freeing. I sweat my buns off in Vinyasa. The sub that came in is harder than the regular teacher. I love both of them, they have such loving energy. After class we went back to his place and he made me breakfast. Turkey sausage from Westborn Market (the tastiest I’ve had), scrambled eggs, fresh pastries from a bakery and juiced honeydew melon. We had a great morning~

It made me stop and think. There are some things I feel I need to work on. It was written by Dan Millman, author of The Way of the Peaceful Warrior and a number of other books I have come to love.

On Relationships
Thursday July 05th 2007, 5:33 pm
Filed under: Dan’s Posts
I don’t claim to be a relationships expert (so few of us are). Sometimes I think the extent of my knowledge can be summed up as: Men are from Sears, Women are from Nordstroms. Still, I’ve been around the track — married young, divorced after eight years; then married to Joy, the love of my life for over thirty years and it’s getting better all the time. Point is, I’ve seen the lows and the highs, the difficulties and delights of relationship, and I have a few perspectives to share.

Relationships prove that God has a sense of humor. After all, it’s difficult enough for any two egos to get along — but add to the mix some differing world-views and communication styles and voila! — we have the human drama. As the saying goes, “Women need a reason, men only need a place. Men use love to get sex; women use sex to get love.” Generalities, of course, but with grains of truth.

The demands of relationship — for compromise, sacrifice, openness, vulnerability — all provide a primary arena of personal growth. Committing to a relationship means losing face, feeling frustrated and downright incompetent at times. Committed relationships are a form of shadow work, seeing ourselves as we are — clearly and realistically. (How many of us, in the face of a relationship difficulty, have seen parts of ourselves we’re not too proud of?)

Mating is easy; intimacy is more difficult. The work of relationship is both humbling and humanizing — a demand to mature (or flee). Relationship calls us to let go of exclusive self-interest and move from “me” to “we” (at least some of the time). Relationship teaches us to forgive ourselves and one another.

Those who have difficulties with intimacy may favor disposable relationships — enjoying the initial fun and excitement, then leaving after the first big fight. Or “falling out of love” and moving on to the next wonderful person who, in a few weeks or months, no longer seems so wonderful after all. And serial relationships grow old after the fifth or sixth or twelfth time we get to know someone and tell your life story and run the usual numbers.

Our new love-interest may end up having the same flaws as the last one (especially if we’re seeking someone like Mom, or Dad, without realizing it). Or the new person may be blissfully free of the last partner’s problems, only to reveal a whole new set of issues. (All travelers carry some baggage.)

Some of us jump into a commitment with blinders on, basking in a romantic glow (love being blind and all). We discover that we love the same song or movie, but forget to explore fundamental compatibility questions about religion, children, aspirations, sex, values, politics.

Most of us are ready to mate long before we really know ourselves. We project onto our prospective mate our hopes and dreams and images, expecting them to fulfill our fantasies and change to suit us. Maybe you’ve heard the saying: “She hopes that he’ll change, but he doesn’t. He hopes she won’t change but she does.”

The years have taught me that the most important quality in sustaining a long-term relationship (whether male-female or same gender) is FRIENDSHIP. Over the long term, friendship is more important than sex; more important than ease of communication. (Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. Sex and communication are certainly important at first, but won’t take you the distance.)

Friendship means you have each other’s back; you are in each other’s corner; you can be YOU with that person; you can go beyond role-playing or trying to live up to someone else’s expectations; you can speak your truth; you can listen as well as talk; you are elevated by that special person and you also lift their spirits in times of need.

True friends are collaborators, not competitors. They aren’t constantly comparing work-loads or weighing how much one brings to the relationship in terms of money, energy, work. (But if one of you is the driver and the other total hitch-hiker, it’s not going to last for long.) In a true friendship, you WANT to help, to give, to contribute, to support one another. That person’s happiness is as important to you as your own. Sometimes, even more so.

I once attended a traditional, religious wedding ceremony that began with a ritual: She carried her candle, the flame burning brightly, and he did the same. They came together, joined their flames and together lit a third candle, representing the joining of their separate flames. Quite beautiful.

But then they blew out their own candles. DON’T EVER BLOW OUT YOUR OWN CANDLE! You are both an “I” AND a “we.” You each bring your own resources, destiny, process and treasures into a relationship. This is the paradox of relationship. Two become one, but the stronger each one, the better the two are together.

Enrich one another’s life by keeping your own center, values, and interests. Continue to play a leading role in your life; don’t just become an extra in someone else’s. You come together to form a whole that is greater than the sum of your individual parts. So remain equals and respect one another’s individuality. Rather than total dependence or independence, strive for interdependence.

Our choice of life-partner is one of the most important we ever make. This doesn’t mean that we have to find “the perfect match” or “one true soul-mate.” Even the best relationships take work. So when a difficulty arises, you WORK THROUGH IT TOGETHER.

Some couples, however, are “working through it” nearly all the time — fighting and making up — one slams the door and walks out; the other goes ballistic. Or one walk on tip-toes to avoid making the other angry or moody. For such difficult relationships, you may need a third party to help you to stay together (or to go your separate ways, because commitment is not the same as masochism).

In choosing a mate, apply the Goldilocks Principle: Avoid someone too similar to you (no friction or growth) or too different (constant friction) in favor of someone who is different (and challenging) enough to keep things interesting.

Also, consider your partner’s relationship with his or her parents: If it is relatively open and close and friendly, that’s a good sign. If your partner never speaks with one or another parent (even with good reason) it’s a possible red flag. Bear in mind that (if you choose to marry) you are not just marrying your partner; you are joining that partner’s family (mother, father, close relations) as well. If that is nice news, you’re good to go. But if you have a serious problem with your partner’s family, you’ll have to deal with it now or later.

For most of us, relationship is a work in progress, always under construction, like a house or a life. Over time, you’ll build deeper levels of communication and intimacy, and freshly discover who you are, together, at each new phase of your lives — even as you make mistakes, learn from them, mature and evolve.

When you’ve formed a relationship you intend to build for many years into the future, nourish it as you would any growing thing: Remember to say “Thank you” and “I’m sorry” often — you’ll have cause to do both. Appreciate your partner out loud; acknowledge his or her skills and any small acts of service and kindness.

In this creative and sometimes challenging arena of intimacy, I have found both growth and Joy. I wish the same for you.

First we went to church, then we had a great brunch at Seldom Blues, It was sweltering hot outside, so we came to my place for a bit ;) Later on that evening we went to see Transformers. Afterward, we went dancing with his sister and brother-in-law. One of the best parts of the day was when he told me how much he’d enjoyed spending the day with me- and he wouldn’t have had it any other way~

candid honesty. I never have to wonder what’s on his mind. It always comes right out~

Aaron came by with a circular saw to work on the playscape. Afterward we went to meditation and had great exchanges with people from our church. Later on, we went to pick up some items for dinner and ended up having crab cakes, shrimp skewers and fries for dinner. He made up an alfredo sauce from items he found in my fridge-it was unbelievably good! My daughter ate with us… though she’d already eaten dinner. He also sliced up a mango and we had Moscato D’Asti (my favorite). We hung out and fell asleep on the couch, woke up and did our prayer work. It was a very soothing day, lots of extra affection~

he bought me a fairy :)

When I let go of the outcome and decided to be open and free, no worries, we meshed back together. We’re moving along better than ever, not rushing… just easing along.

Teasingly, one of his friends told him to be sure and send her an invitation to the wedding, she could see it in his eyes… I dreamed that we were getting married and my students were giving me gifts. I didn’t share it until after he told me what Emily said. Again, there’s no rush, just an acknowledgement of energy~