I used to be such an upbeat happy person until I got married — 1 year ago
I got married the first time when I was 18. Still only a baby. My first marriage wasn’t what I expected since he was quite a bit older than I was and in no way shape or form did he have the same personality. We fought a lot because we were so different. I expected him to be enthusiastic about everything and I do have to say, he worked long hours and looking back on it now, I can understand why he wasn’t all bubbly like I was but it taught me to contain my happiness.
We divorced in 1996 and I remarried in 1997. Looking back on that first marriage, I realize he was a hell of a lot better for me than my current husband.
The man (if you can call him that) I am married to now verbally and emotionally abuses me whenever he thinks that behavior is justified just to get his own way. So many times, I look back on the person I was when I was 17…just before I got married and I wonder if my confidence problems and lack of self esteem would be as bad if I hadn’t ever gotten married. I had such confidence and such a rosy outlook on life. Yeah ok, almost all 17 year olds feel that way but I just miss that optimism so much. A lot of what’s happened to me in life has taken away that spark but mostly it’s been from being married to an angry person. I think I’d been better off if I’d stayed single.
Now what I have to do is find a way to get a divorce and never get married again and then work on becoming the happy person I was meant to be. Recreate those memories of younger days then bring them back to life. Recapture the passion I used to have and without someone around to tell me I’m stupid, I just might succeed.
