Change my personality

I could have marked this goal as ‘complete’ but I’ll just keep writing down my progress just because I don’t feel like I’ve changed that much to say that I’ve changed my personality rather than different aspects of it, and just because I like to.

So… What else?

I’m not self-conscious when it comes to approaching people and asking them something. Sometimes I just force myself, and then it’s a lot easier the next time I do it.

I’ve started to realize and appreciate things that ‘aren’t hip’ among my peers, but that are actually beautiful and have huge artistic value.

I’ve stopped caring about my appearance that much. It’s not what you are. It’s who you are. I think I might even have to just go to a restaurant and order a big pizza – not because I like pizza [actually, I don’t really like pizza – but, on the other hand, I haven’t eaten pizza for ages], but just for the sake of SHUTTING THAT THIN GIRL THE FUCK UP. Seriously. Right now it’s not my figure, weight or the clothes I wear what matters. Right now it’s practice. It’s jazz. It’s music theory. It’s slapping. It’s rhythm. It’s groove that matters.

I stopped caring that much. I’m not afraid to experiment and make my own daring choices. That’s invaluable.

ALL THIS is invaluable.

Having understood that the people I thought were ‘like-minded’ seem to be morons, I decided to get a new favorite band.

...and a new favorite genre.
...and new like-minded people.

...and just… spend more time practicing until I will work in the jazz music industry, get a job in a music shop [one of my dreams xDDDD] and overall spend time around people that are safe to be with. Now that I seem to have got my actual personality back, I have to take care of it.

Yes, you read it right. I’m ditching heavy music. Fuck it all. I’ve already ditched mainstream pop [when I was… 6?], nu-metal [10], metal [12], gothic and industrial [13], visual-kei [15] and now I’m ditching everything and totally getting into ‘boring snob music’ like jazz, classical, avant-garde and post-rock [<- that one’s kinda offtopic xD]. I used to love punk and hardcore, but it somehow lost its charm. I still love the Sex Pistols, tho xD

I think this goal is complete, but I’ll wait a month or two and observe myself. If it’s true, then YAYY ME!

Okay, so… now I’m doing the ultimate thing ever. I wrote a letter to a friend I really wanted to apologize to for a long time. It might just be the stupidest thing I’ll ever do, but at least I’ll know that I did all I could.

I don’t know her address, so I’m just going to carry it straight to her house. I really hope I’ll find it. Somehow. I don’t know.

I REALLY HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA IF THIS WILL WORK, I’M REALLY SORRY FOR THE DIRTY LANGUAGE AND THE CAPS.

There’s gotta be something real magnetic about me… both stores said that they don’t do that stuff, but are willing to give it a shot. They were nice to me and all, asked for my number and said that they’ll contact me. Wow. WOW.

Let’s see if I’ll manage to sell my amp. I didn’t ask about the amp. Forgot… But it’s cool, and I’ll give them the modelling processor, too.

Well, let’s just see how it will work out.

Tomorrow I’ll have a true confidence test. I’ll have to go to a music store and totally offer them to exchange my amp to a different one. I mean… my amp is real awesome, and I’ll even include the modeling processor… thing is, this is an AWKWARD thing to do, since they usually don’t do this kind of stuff. However, when I made a phone call, they said they’ll seriously think about it. Unlike the phone calls my mom made, all of which got negative answers.

Dunno, there’s gotta be something special about me, then xDDDD anyways… it’s still challenging. I’ll trust my pretty eyes xDDD or whatever.

• more confident
• happy, hyper and random [already kinda am xD]
• more social [stress this]
• to be able to stand up for myself, not just ‘ignore them’
• not so paranoid [nobody is going to beat me up just because I’ll accidentally say something stupid on the phone, ‘kay]
• more motivation, please!
• not be afraid to screw up

BUT MOST OF ALL – hyperfunnysocialgoofyEPICAWESOME

i used to hate myself, now i adore myself. Went from a weak, pessimitic self-pitying desperate clingy mess to the complete opposite, so much happier now. cant even recognise the girl i was playing before. it aint changing your personality, its finding it

i am very sensitive and i have no experience in life i really want to be strong,logical,confident and knowing every thing about the life

I’m socially retarded and have no idea how to change. Any help?