get help for my depression

sometimes my depression really scares me to the point of suicidal thoughts. i really hate it, too and im too scared to tell anyone. im already screwed up as it is.

Talked it over with my mother, she basically is saying I’m taking the pussy way out, and that she got over her own depression by just taking it one day at a time, or something to that effect.. So, forget it. I’ll treat it like she treated it: Straight up, one day at a time, living life like I want to, et cetera et cetera.

So I’m back in my old psych office at home. It’s better than the one up at school if only because the people here know my history and are familiar with things I talk about. That’s nice. I hate having to explain ties and connections. Anyway…So yesterday I started on some pills, and I’m not really sure what to think at this point. Granted, it’s only been two days, but…yeah. They make me shake all day long, and I can hardly keep food down. I talked to my doctor about it, and she said that that’s normal and should go away in a few days. (!?) But for now, I’m shaking like a leaf and am running on a glass of juice and a piece of pita and hummus. For the last two days. Bleh…

After spending weeks trying to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist through my school, I finally got fed up and went to see a doctor at Kaiser because I still get health insurance through my parents. After filling out an inventory and discussing my symptoms, she diagnosed me with major depression and wrote me a prescription for Prozac. I wasn’t expecting to get treatment so fast, after the many delays I encountered with Student Health and Counseling. I start taking it tomorrow morning. I’ll also begin therapy in about a week. I’m nervous, but hopeful.

So today I went to the resident counsellor, and told her what was going on with me and…feeling completely isolated from the world. She referred me to long-term counselling with a therapist for the rest of the semester. And I found a bottle of my anti-depressants from before, so I’m starting myself on those again. Hopefully things will start looking up.

I need some serious help for my depression. it seems like all i want to do all the time is cry. i try to stop crying but the tears keep coming. i cry over stupid stuff.