accept that people are doing the best they can

I am again reminding myself that I too can only do my best. And when I’ve made a mistake admit it and work on not making that mistake again.

It now occurs to me that I should also realize that sometimes I’m only doing the best that I can at that moment.
I have a tendency to be really tough on myself and I’d like to stop that.

I realize that I’ll have to work on this goal for the rest of my life. I don’t mind that – some goals are long term goals.

I’m also accepting that if a relationship isn’t working for me, and I’ve tried to be a good friend etc, then at some point I have to move along. It isn’t easy if you really care about the person, but I just got tired of her best being ALL about her, ALL the time.

I am accepting that this is the best she can do. I’m also accepting that the best I can do is to walk away as I’ve done.

I wish I could say that after all this time I have completely accepted this idea. But I’d be telling a big, fat lie.
The good news, at least in my mind, is that I am aware of this and keep it in mind.
The past week my co-worker/former friend was ugly again. [Why does this continue to surprise me?] She was very ugly and I have decided that it is best (for me) to be professional and keep her out of my life. We’ve had numerous disagreements and each time I stay on the issue rather than bringing up other things in the heat of the moment. Well, she does not do the same thing – she says the most horrible things in order to cause pain, and she succeeds. It is a struggle not to do the same – I am not saint. It is HARD.
But I don’t do it because I don’t want to be THAT person.

So, I accept that the best she can do is exactly what she is doing. I accept that I can work with her every day without being her friend. I don’t wish anything bad for her. I just don’t want her in my life and it feels liberating to know that I’ve finally achieving that goal.

I think this goal is hard for me because there are times when I know that I’m not doing the best that I can – which bothers me until I do better.

My office mate got some new perfume and it bothers me – a lot.

Rather than saying anything (because it becomes drama) I’ve decided to just open my window. It is a bit chilly here today and she’s now being quite rude for me to close the window. I’ve nicely said (for 3-4 days now) that the perfume is bothering me and the having the window open helps.
This morning she’s tried to bully me several times into closing the window – she can be so rude some times. I restated that the smell bothered me and no, I’m not closing the window.
Quit wearing that stinky oil! (I’m not going to say that, because I don’t want to be rude because she’s been rude.)

I don’t think I’m better than her – that oil she just started wearing hurts my sinuses and sometimes gives me a headache. I want to accept that she’s doing her best – we are all not so pleasant at different stages in our lives.

And that some times, just some times they are giving all that they know to give.

When I lost my aunt I was amazed at how many people kept a safe distance from me, as if death was contagious. When I began to heal I kept a safe distance from those people, those who couldn’t offer the simply words, “I’m sorry.” Because there are no magic words when someone you love leaves this earth, but five simple letters can pack a powerful punch in helping you heal and letting you know others care.
When I lost my cousin almost two years ago (at way too young an age) again, there were people who kept a safe distance. And again I removed those people from my life as I started to heal.
Later a friends sister died unexpectantly, again much too young, and another friend contacted me saying that people were avoiding the other friend. She’d asked for my advice on what to say and how to handle those who avoided her. We talked and she told me I’d helped her.
Now here I am again, faced with death and healing and I am watching others back away, away, away. And this time I am working on healing from the pain and accepting that some people really are doing the best they can…even when just hearing the words, “I’m sorry” would go a very, very long way.

I realize this goal might make me sound a bit high maintenance, but I don’t believe that I am. One of the things my friends and family say about me is that I try to be aware of how my actions (or non-action) impacts others. (This takes less time than you might think.)
So I’m asking myself again if I can work on accepting that people are doing the best that they can, even if that best is very, very little.
I have a friend in particular that I struggle with accepting that she is doing the best she can – of course I know better because I’ve seen her be cruel to others needlessly.

Maybe this goal haunts me because I have to decide if I want to remain friends with her or dissolve this relationship. At this moment in time I think I want to just be civil and walk away from the “friendship”....and accept that she is doing what she knows – the best that she can.

Coming back again and again no matter how many times I think I’ve thrown it away for good. Sigh

I know that from this I’m going to grow, I just wish “growing” didn’t require so much energy.
I’m struggling with someone who I love and care about, but I don’t she is really a friend. She can be caring and sweet, but insecure to the point of saying the nastiest things.
I want to distance myself from her yet still love her.

Oh, this growing hurts sometimes.

I’ve realized that I can’t expect someone to have reached a point in their life just because I want that for them.
I put this on my list to deal with a “hipster” friend and the truth is it isn’t up to me to decide that she should “grow up”. She and I are on two different paths, maybe she’s doing the best she can do?
I’m going to remove this from my list – I’ve accepted that people don’t have to respond or react how I would in situations. I also don’t have to count on them to behave in a certain way either.