There are loads of things I am grateful for in my life. My cat is getting healthier. I am getting healthier. Work is going well. I am taking better care of my possessions. My family is doing well. It’s spring and the flowers are blooming. The birds are nesting. The weather is nice.

I had a few tough weeks when things got out of hand and I had a difficult time staying focused on the good things in my life. that is behind me now and life is wonderful. :)

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 5 days ago

Every night we are going to list two things for which we are grateful.

Today I am grateful for big yellow sun in the sky. The other one is my son sitting next to me. He was able to stop himself from doing the wrong thing, and turned it into doing the right thing. I am very, very, very proud of him!!!!! 1 month ago

Because I had guests for dinner last night, the living room, dining room, and kitchen are relatively clean and tidy today. There are fresh flowers on both the dining room table and the coffee table in the living room.

Because the weather was nice today, I got a lot of gardening done. So I weeded the backyard, spaded up the veg garden and mixed in the worm box compost, cleaned the driveway drain, planted grass where I fixed the sink hole, and watered all the container plants.

I got errands done, too.

I’m feeling satisfied with home and garden. Feels good. 1 month ago

This is becoming habit and I like it. Saturday morning I had to get up really early. I set up my coffee maker the night before so there would be coffee when I woke up. And when I went into the kitchen Saturday morning, the pot was half way full. I drank one cup of coffee, and noticed that steam was coming out where the water gets poured in. That’s not how it works…

Sad to say the coffeemaker is broken. The good news is that it made 2 cups of coffee before breaking – just enough to get me going that morning!! I was grateful for the coffee because it would have been difficult to get moving without it.

Even when things don’t go as planned, there are still things to be grateful for. 2 months ago

A few weeks ago I finally got myself in for one of the Friday morning information sessions Mental Health has down at the hospital. With my routine of not sleeping during the night, then sleeping late morning, I had missed two weeks in a row.

Honestly, I think I was giving myself a out, avoiding going to the sessions by telling myself that I needed the rest to be functional. When what I really need to be functional is to get healthy, mentally.

One day a friend came into town and we met for coffee. I had told her about what had happened between myself and the room mate and she was shocked. Also, she was worried about me and my mental state (she actually has been for quite some time now).

This was on a Thursday and she knew about the information session the next morning. Knowing that I had let myself down twice, she made me promise her that I would go. I really don’t know if I would have made it that next morning on my own or not, but the bottom line is that I did go, and it was helpful that I did not want to have to tell my friend that I had broken my promise.

That also was the start of a new pattern. Since that Friday, I have been getting up and out in the morning, most often by ten and usually earlier than that. I stay out all day and keep myself busy. Then when I get back in anywhere between nine and eleven, I have no problem falling asleep at a decent time. How long I actually sleep for is another matter. At least now, I am more on a ‘regular world’ routine and that is one step closer to living a normal life. 2 months ago

I am sitting at the local library, working on some research for one of the community groups I volunteer with, while glancing at the stack of job postings I have gathered from the work search centre.

Things being what they are with my living situation I attempt to get out of the apartment and stay out all day if conceivably possible.

So as it happens I had just sent out some of my research and was about to spend what is left of the time before the meeting working on cover letters. And just then an email came in from a man I love like a brother. We have known each other since the 8th grade and have been through a lot of good times and some really lousy times together. We even made it through a stint of living together (it took some time for us to get really close after that).

Anyway, I had sent a letter to he and his wife a week or two ago, and was pretty open and honest about how things are going for me about now, with my mental health issues, work, family, living situation. Part of what I talked about was trying to force myself back into my old line of work which he very succinctly put as “violent babysitting”. Now I know that is not the most PC way to describe residential work with individuals with special needs, and those with “extreme behavioural issues” but the bottom line is that is often what it is. The last client I had tried to beat up myself or my vehicle every couple of hours on average. Maybe it is because I am getting older, maybe I just am burnt out on that kind of work, but I just don’t enjoy it anymore. Unfortunately, on paper it is what I am most qualified to do.

So, as I read his letter he spoke about that, and about how he thinks it is the worst idea for me to go back into that. (A sentiment which has been expressed by a number of others who also know me well.) He encouraged me to work more on my writing, something which I truly love doing, and no, I have no idea how to make any money with it… yet.

So, as I have just enough time to finish up this entry before getting to another meeting, my stack of job postings sits. Waiting to be organized, sorted and acted upon. Perhaps when I get to them later (or tomorrow, as some of them close tomorrow) the ones which are more minimum wage “get by” sort of jobs may attract more of my attention than those which are ‘in my field’.

I don’t often hear from my chosen brother, but when I do, it seems he has wonderful timing. 2 months ago

For good food, for friends, for my health, for my house, for life. I love this goal! 2 months ago

I received an email this morning from my mom inviting me up for supper. This morning was not a particularly good morning, with my mindset and the approximately two hours of sleep I had last night, so I was tempted to put them off until later in the weekend. As it turns out I am glad that I didn’t because when I arrived mid afternoon I found out that my grandmother passed on yesterday. My mom is feeling a lot of mixed emotions about it and I am glad I was there to offer some words and some hugs.

Looking back, I am now particularly grateful that I took the time to go see Grandma when I did. Even though her passing was expected it is still difficult as it represents a closing to many things. 2 months ago

I already posted about what a wonderful weight training session I had today, but I wanted to add a note here attesting to how grateful I am to still have the physical ability to do such a workout. With my back issues and surgery a few year ago, each and every day I am in the gym I am well aware of what a privilege it is. I am also well aware that one day, for whatever reason, I will no longer be able to work out. But as long as I can, I want to be in there pushing it, and pushing myself. 3 months ago

And a room mate who made said breakfast. I don’t recall tasting much of it, but I must have been hungry enough since it didn’t last long.

It’s nice to be living with a friend who makes a nice supper when I am not feeling well. 3 months ago

• the support and love of my family
• caring friends
• blessings in disguise
• challenges that provide opportunities for growth 3 months ago

On the weekend I received an email from an old friend. Actually, the person I have considered my best friend since 2003 (the year I moved to attend university). It was a very welcome letter as we haven’t spoken for awhile now and in recent weeks I have sent some embarrassingly long emails to him just letting him know what is up with me, where I am at with life and my current issues.

Not only was it great to hear from him, to hear how his daughter is, his career, life in the big city, etc. But he also complimented me on some of the projects I am involved with here. It was nice to hear that, and quite honestly, kind of funny since part of why I have involved myself with some volunteer work is to help keep my head above water and be a part of something.

I have to admit too, that it was nice to have a heart felt response since our lives are in quite different places right now and I have been afraid that maybe the expanse has gotten too wide. Not only geographically, but in terms of ‘life’ in general.

We have known each other since 2003, which is relatively recent compared to the other people I have in my life whom I consider chosen family. I am very grateful to have such friends, and this one in particular. To have someone who has known me through a number of intense ups and downs over the last decade. To know that regardless of time or almost a whole continent between us, that that friendship still exists. Very special. 3 months ago

We all have so much to be thankful for once we can look beyond our emotions. Being human, this can be a difficult task because we have been trained to look at things from the perspective of our thoughts and feelings. Even if things are not exactly the way you want them to be, be thankful for what you have.

I am thankful that I have a job that pays well and allows me to work with nice people. I am thankful that my job also allows me to be creative in finding solutions to problems. And it provides me an opportunity to learn new skills which can be applied to other areas of my life.

I am thankful that I live in a great city and have wonderful neighbors. We started a neighborhood watch type organization years ago and that has helped to bring people together. It is nice to know my neighbors, and have fun get events several times a year. I feel so much safer knowing that my neighbors are looking out for my house when I am at work. :)

It is another nice day with the sun shining, even if it is cold outside. Coats and scarves are the order of the day. I’ll take sunshine and cold over cloudy and cold any day. 3 months ago

I haven’t seen my grandmother in over five years. I realized that when I responded to my mom’s email. She had forwarded me the message sent to her by her estranged sister saying that Grandma was not doing well and would soon be dying. I had emailed my mom back to ask her if she was interested in going to see Grandma. She said she preferred to remember her the way she was; back in the days before the huge falling out, the lawyers, and the rift that permanently severed our connection to the rest of the family.

So this afternoon I went by myself. Thinking back to the Christmas card I had received this last year which included a picture of Grandma at the birthday party the seniors residence had thrown for her. That birthday was almost a year ago and somehow I knew that was probably the last Christmas card I was going to be receiving from her.

My anxiety was starting to get to me as I made my way up the hill; to the point where I made a couple of wrong turns getting to an area of town I have been to hundreds of times before. Walking up to the front doors I realized that I didn’t even know which wing she was in now, whether any of my other relatives would be there, etc. Announcing myself at the front desk the receptionist told me where Grandma’s room was and what codes I needed to get back out. Since I had been to see her last she had moved out of the independent living wing and was now behind the security doors of those less able to care for themselves.

I was just about to go through the last set of doors when I saw my aunt (the one who had emailed my mom) on the other side. She didn’t recognize me at first, which didn’t surprise me as it has been a number of years since she has seen me and I have considerably less hair than I did then. We hugged and exchanged greetings while she brought me up to speed on Grandma’s condition. Apparently her condition has significantly declined the last few days and as of this morning she wasn’t able to speak. She had shown signs of being aware of her surroundings but I was told not to be surprised if she didn’t recognize me at first.

Another of my aunt’s was there too. She had flown in just this morning. After greeting her I went to say hello to Grandma who was lying in bed and awake. I was pleasantly surprised that not only was she able to speak but that she smiled and recognized me right away. After leaning over to give her a kiss I just stood next to the bed and we smiled at each other as I held her hand. Her hand was warm and her grip was weak so I was careful to cradle her hand gently.

She has lost a lot of weight since I saw her last and her fingers seemed like bones lightly wrapped in thin flesh. Her face too was much thinner and it wasn’t hard to tell that she has not been eating for quite some time now. But thinking back to my time with her this afternoon, it is her eyes I remember. Even as I made my way to a chair and caught up with my aunts Grandma and I would catch each others gaze and it was warm, comfortable. It was like I could feel the connection between us and it felt good.

Even as I cry as I write this I can’t help but smile. My Grandma is dying, and there is a very good chance that today was my last visit with her. I am so grateful for having had a last visit that I thought for the last number of years I would never have. I am grateful for the email my aunt sent my mom, for my mom forwarding it on to me, and I am grateful that I made the decision to go and see her. I am grateful for the peace and the love I saw, that I felt, in my Grandma’s eyes. 3 months ago

They are not a fancy pair of boots. Actually they are more like high-ankled, winter runners. Anyway, they have been falling apart for awhile now and with money being as tight as it is I have been determined to get through one more winter with them. As it is, they have already paid for themselves as they were gifted to me by a friend a few years ago.

With winter being as warm as it has this year, I have been walking more in slush than in snow. It was in these conditions that I found out just how worn these boots are getting. I can easily poke my finger through what is left of the lining, feel the rubber sole and the hole therein. At the beginning of snow season I found my feet getting wet fairly easily and this was the reason why.

So for five dollars I bought a pair of liners. Along with applying a liberal amount of glue to the areas where the boots are literally falling apart I glued the liners in also. After getting all the glue off my fingers, and then getting some more off, I went to bed and hoped the boot fairy would smile upon me.

Now I walk around with a tighter fitting, much warmer and much drier set of winter footwear. As I walked around town today contemplating what things I felt gratitude toward I could not help but thing of how comfortable my feet were. So today, my patched up winter boots, I salute you. 3 months ago

Feeling extraordinarily optimistic about the ability to foster change, increase understanding, solve problems, and create stronger community on the microlevel of our neighborhood.

Fiscal cliff and sequester – I know this sort of thing means something, but what if we didn’t pay attention, tended our own garden, and had it flourish? 3 months ago

Last night I found a small card with a prayer on it that I received at the funeral of a very wonderful woman who passed away in 2008. I read the prayer, and realized how closely it described how she lived. She was one of the most accepting people I have known, and we still talk about how much we miss her. As I read the prayer, it was almost like it brought her back – because it captured what we admired about her.

In her honor I will read this prayer every night before going to bed until her birthday. I owe it to myself to incorporate her best qualities into my life. She gave us this gift, and I want to pass it on.

We still miss you Lynn, and are thankful for the time we had with you. You were truly an angel on earth. 3 months ago

thankful that our troubles, like storms, eventually pass and the sun does shine again 3 months ago

I know a lot of different forms of spirituality emphasize expressing gratitude. It is definitely a strong theme in the sweat lodge I have been a part of for a couple of years now.

Just recently I was able to reconnect with someone I used to be very intimately involved with. The nature of our connection had some very strong, and some very unhealthy components to it and when we parted it was also unhealthy. Over the course of our time together we both engaged in abusive behaviour toward each other. There was a lot of hurt and damage done on both sides.

We had broken bread together a few months ago and spoke about some of the issues we had had, talked about where life had taken each of us since, etc. It was good, but it wasn’t until this most recent meeting that I felt like a lot of things were cleared. When I came back to my place, I actually broke down and was uncontrollably emotional for about an hour. It was a combination of freeing all the emotions I had kept locked in for so long, of feeling the pain I had caused another (as well as much of my own), and there was a lot of relief too. It was like a lot of what I had feared, thought, suspected without ever saying anything out loud, was finally being validated. And it all poured out of me uncontrolled.

Then it stopped. I felt calm. I felt more complete.

So when I was asked recently what I was grateful for, I spoke about forgiveness. The wonderfully healing power the giving and accepting of true, sincere forgiveness can provide. It is extremely powerful. It can change what you think the world used to be, and more importantly, can change what you see it as now. 3 months ago

This was yesterday – over the water in the bottom behind our house while looking out of a duck blind – we saw lots of ducks and and other wildlife – plus we heard about a million frogs – a sign that spring can’t be too far away :) 3 months ago

A great way to start the day. 3 months ago

There are always things to be thankful for. :) 3 months ago