So my parents went to visit my Grandmother and had to bring up that she intends to travel to Florida for my 2nd cousins’ bat mitvahs in November. I almost lost it.

This woman, who is 96, who 11 years ago refused to come to my wedding because travel was too much for her. This woman, who continually refused to take a simple car ride or train to visit me 2 hours away because she just can’t travel anymore – can somehow manage to fly from New York to Florida for her great grandchildren’s bat mitzvahs.

F her!!!! I wish I could increase the font size to 48 pt. I am so mad. I told my mother I will not go if she goes. It would not be fair to the birthday girls for me to rip into her.

And you know, I nearly felt guilty when she made a lame attempt to call me for my birthday. No f-ing way. 5 years ago

Dad says Grandma is not doing well. Her aid believes she won’t make it another 6 months. As soon as hubby heard that, he urged me to call her. I won’t. She does not get a last minute forgiveness. I do not feel sorry for her. She will have lived to the bitter age of 95 or 96. And I have been much happier not having to call her. I truly believe I will not regret getting in touch with her these months. I regret not having a better relationship, but that is not my fault. 5 years ago

The Old Bat, my husband’s elderly mother, has ruined that. She’s selfish, manipulative and childish. In some ways I feel sorry for her (I do understand why she behaves the way she does) but it doesn’t make being with her any easier to cope with. Her two children (and the rest of us dumped into it by marriage) all tip-toe around her because it’s apparently “easier” to let her have her own way. So for the last 30 years she’s been emotionally abusive and throws temper tantrums and sulks (just like an 8-year-old) if anyone contradicts her.

She’s so unpleasant to be around, sometimes we sneak over to visit other family members who live near her without telling her. It lets us enjoy ourselves without her being there to ruin it.

Well, I’m sick of it. If she were my mother, I would have just stopped seeing her years ago. But my husband feels obliged to visit her and frankly, he’s too scared to ever say no to her. She’s in her 80s now and is never going to change the way she behaves. I love my husband, so I’ve been going along with this for years & years just to be supportive of him. But whenever we visit her I leave there feeling shattered, emotionally beaten-up and unhappy.

I live a long way away (overseas) from my own family. Last year after a particularly unpleasant Christmas with her, I said to my husband that I’m going to spend Christmas with my family every year from now on, and if he wants to join me, he’s welcome to come along.

I do feel sorry for the Old Horror but not sorry enough to ruin any more of my own holidays. My only regret is that if I stop going down to visit, she’s going to use that as an excuse to give my husband and her other child a lot of grief. 5 years ago

Even though we’re not speaking, she manages to hurt me.

For years now, my grandmother has said she will not come to visit me because she can’t travel anymore. She complains I don’t see her. I have offered to drive 2.5 hours to pick her up and the 2.5 hours back and vice versa. I have offered to pay train tickets that will bring her 15 minutes from my home. But no. She says it is too much for her.

Yet, it was not too much for her to FLY to Maryland to see my cousins.

Why do my parents share this info? Just to aggravate me? 6 years ago

I experienced a very similar relationship with my Grandmother while growing up and right into my early adult life. Although my Grandmother was also quite vicious both mentally and physically. I was the dutiful granddaughter. The one that did all her little chores. The one that took on the dirty looks and still kept my mouth shut. I married, had a child and moved to another city. She died when I was 26 years old and I cried when I heard the news. My brother said, “I can not believed you cried when you heard she was dead, after the way she treated you all your life.” I told him I didn’t cry because I would miss her in my life. I cried out of frustration that I never told her what a Bitch she was and what I really thought of her.
The point is, you never release yourself from the burden unless you do something about it. Don’t wait till it is too late. Tell her that her actions have hurt you in the past and that you no longer intend to let them. If she has nothing good to say to you then DNA is not going to allow you to be a victim of her hurtful attitude toward you. You deserve to be happy. She is robbing you of that. Tell her and then get on with your life without feeling guilty. 6 years ago

It’s that damn guilt. I should not feel guilty.

She called on my anniversary to wish me a happy birthday and ask when she’s going to see me again. Thank goodness for caller ID. I know I keep saying that, but it saves me. So she leaves these wimpy messages, like she’s trying to sound frail and sorry.

I’m sure she is. I’m sure she is. 6 years ago

Thank goodness for caller ID. I did not want to answer the phone. She has not called me in over three years.

My understanding is that after dinner Saturday night, my sister and father told her that she said some very hurtful things. They told her to call me and apologize.

I didn’t think she’d do it. Her voice mail sounded rehearsed, but I know it wasn’t. She said she loves me very much and she did not mean to say anything to offend me. The thing is, she’s so worried about offending. She didn’t offend me, she hurt me. Oh, and then she said how she hopes to see me again soon. When am I visiting? Please!

Ugh, it makes me nauseous. 6 years ago

I always get people telling me how lucky I am to have a grandmother who is alive. But let me tell you, I am not. Because each year or day she has been in my life is another year and day for me to take her abuse. I am done with it. I am tired of being the dutiful granddaughter who laughs off her comments and snide remarks, who ignores the very hurtful things she has done.

I may choose to delete this tomorrow, but I am done with her. I would not let anyone else in the world treat me like this. Just because I have her genetic material, I have always thought she had some sort of right and I had some sort of obligation.

I am going to be 33 next week. She has never called me on my birthday (that I remember) nor has she even celebrated my birthday. Her birthday is 2 days before mine. I am the only grandchild for which she did not attend my wedding, although she was invited and I called her twice to ask. Every time I speak to or see her she complains that I don’t visit her, when she has never visited me.

I have one fond memory of her. About 7 years ago, I took her to Budapest, where she grew up. For 8days she did not bitch to me once. She was appreciative of our time together and generous with her love and sharing. That’s it. In 33 years, that is all I have. And that is all I want from now on.

I don’t need to be treated so poorly. Nor do I need to subject my husband to her vitriol.

I know at some point, I am going to have that nagging obligation to see her or call her or send her a card. I just want to remember this evening, I want to remember how it feels to have 33 years of her words and actions come crashing down on me like a wave of regret. And I want to be able to say NO. 6 years ago