stop drinking

This is my sixth day off the beer and I already know I am going to fail at this. I will not drink tonight (athough I am dying to head out with my friends for a few) but I know I will cave eventually. Why? Because I know I’m only 70% committed to it. I want both things, both the drink and the lack of consequences. It all depends on what I want more at the time I suppose. Right now I want to wake up having not drank tomorrow morning. But some day, I’ll think fuck it, whats a few beers. I don’t care what anyone says, this goal is the hardest by far…the sense of ambivalence is whats killing me now! Like I’d love for one of my friends to convince me, but at the same time I don’t. Its crazy.

Had a great vacation over the past 7 days. I decided I would temporarily suspend my ban on alcohol. We had a great time and I enjoyed our time away. A few evenings I had a little too much, but no hangovers or ridiculous messiness. I’m pumped to get back to my alcohol-free life; though this was a nice break to let go a little.

I promised to be really honest with this so while I made it through yesterday I had a drink with my friend last night at dinner. I realized that while changing my behavior at home is working, the socializing thing is not. I was oh-so proud of yesterday, then oh-so bummed this morning. BUT, I need to dust myself off and get back on the pony. The thing I am pleased with is that I didn’t come home and continue drinking and I didn’t stay out late drinking.

My next step is to figure out a strategy for going out. I have one in place for this weekend. It’s a birthday party and a friend and I are promising each other not to drink. That will help.

One other thing is that I am going to take the advice of Josh and talk to people at tomorrow morning’s AA meeting. They have it all set up and so easy to reach out but I have just been to shy and left right after the meetings. Not tomorrow. Tomorrow I am marching right over to the people in the front and talking to them and getting some names. I can’t do this alone.

One other thing I want to mention. I really beat myself up this morning and just had to stop it. Every step is a positive step and every fall is a lesson. If I sit and kick myself, I will just end up saying “to hell with it” and I don’t want to do that.

I beginning to think of my goals in terms of small, minute, tiny baby steps instead of these mad drastic extreme life altering crazy sweeping decisions.
I am the worst for doing this…I go on the most extreme diets, extreme fitness regimes, extreme work binges and all the time other people just putter around and end up getting more done consistently. I’m going to take small steps instead of big ones with regard to work and fitness etc. The smaller the better as long as its in the right direction.

As for drinking, I need to stop seeing it in such black and white terms. I know I need to quit, but I also need to acknowledge that this is not simply a decision. It is a process that takes time and again small , manageable steps. Even if it means taking “one day at a time” so be it. I don’t necessarily like living my life like that, but its fine for now because eventually all these small steps cascade into something much larger.

For today at least I’m taking it easy.

Good luck
TR

I went to an AA meeting today. I have been very resistant to go to AA meetings. I have gone in the past but never liked them or thought I didn’t. Today’s was different. A totally different group than the other meetings I went to and the topic of the meeting fit right into the way I think. I got a lot out of it. I think if I just let the Universe do it’s thing and trust it I can really stop drinking this time. I have a whole day ahead of me and am looking forward to it.

i am now three days into my personal campaign to stop drinking. i started with thinking that i wanted to stop drinking so much but am slowly coming round to thinking that i would probably benefit from eliminating it completely.

three days in and i can already feel my mood has lifted. having drunk heavily in my younger days working in the city to drinking to de-stress until my forties (two bottles of wine a night)- enough is enough. i realise that i have become a liability on a night out and i also have realised that i cannot really face people (including friends) without a drink. obviously bigger issues to look at in time but for the first time i feel really positive about this. here’s to day four.

Day 1 is complete with the help of some great people that really inspired me today. I am so grateful for the support. It was pretty hard making it through an entire day and night, but what a sense of accomplishment you feel once you have done it! I am rolling with the mood swings I am feeling and the cravings. Both pass. Tomorrow I am going to check out a meeting. I have been down this road too many times to think I can do it alone.

I am dedicated to doing this and succeeding. If I mess up here and there, that’s just part of life. The most important thing is to sincerely try and to be positive.

OK, This is day two now. Any of you conscientious mathematicians will realise that this should be day 3. But actually I screwed up on the first day because there was a birthday on and I could resist indulging. Anyway I’m more committed than ever now. So this is officially day 2. Good luck all!

So, once again I find myself back at this board looking for people that can relate what I am going through. I am tired of drinking. It’s been two years of my trying to stop and having lots of false starts and just going back to my old habits. I have lost interest in all activities and am way behind at work. I thought maybe I could try the “social drinking” thing, but then that just gives me an excuse to drink at other times. I have accomplished so much in my life and I see it just gradually melting away in a glass of wine.

So, while I can wallow in this I have decided that today I will make a change. If I have to go hour by hour I am not going to drink. I am sure it will be strange not to have my “wine companion” with me, but I bet it will feel better.