listen better

I think this has been a major issue to improve on. I have had trouble with being a more active listener in improv and onstage, and sometimes it might be that we focus too hard and end up not really paying attention.

I have had problems in relationships due to this because I am listening for an opportunity to help when someone says she is in bad mood or having trouble. This is rarely what is needed with women. Women tend to like to talk and connect with a person. I think this is a fundamental difference between men and women. Men see communication as task driven, or maybe more direct. Women I think tend to use communication as a more exploratory tool, where the communication is more collaborative.

I think I have only reached out to loved ones to give them updates, feeling like I have to prove that I am working hard or that I am doing okay. Your friends and loved ones don’t need you to win all the time, they love you for who you are—not who you are trying to be. I think this was a major failure with me and Lauren and other girls. I wanted to assure them that I wasn’t ditching them for work or gigs, but that these things were important and would payoff. Talking less about the things I’ve got going for the future, and more about what you have with someone in the now will assure that person how much you care or they mean to you.

Money and work will sort themselves out eventually. The economy is awful all around. Letting a person who matters to you know that she matters first, and then support this with actions more will lead to better relationships. Don’t be afraid to take risks, with the things that we love or especially the ones we love. Well with the ones we love the risk should be showing that they mean so much to us, I am not advocating juggling knives or sharks with them.

If you connect with someone through an art or interest, and they find this an attractive quality in you, or you find it so in them, find a way to make art with this person. Find away to make your interests collaborative. I feel that in an attempt to share I have come off as bragging or made a person unhappy because it made her feel like she wasn’t doing more challenging things. However, you shouldn’t let yourself get down if someone is unhappy or jealous that you have good things going on. If you try to share and reach out to someone, and they resent you—leave.

If someone constantly judges you and makes you resent the things that you love so much—take time away or cut this person out. This person is either trying to control you, or so unhappy that it will pull you down and make you feel the same. It might seem cold, but if someone can’t be happy maybe its best to let that person find his or her own way. Trying to find solutions or help, might make you look self-important or just push this person further away.

I want to partly blame this on my mom… she talks and talks sometimes and I space out. Now I take that and space out when others talk. I used to really care about what everyone said and through yrs of sales and listening to clients and frankly crap I didn’t care about, I lost interest and started tuning people out. I have my moments where I am so engaged but I need to be more consistent!

Instead of half listening while thinking about what I need or want to say I would like to be better at listening with my whole conciousness. Leaving time for the person talking to amend, extend, explain, find their own solution. Saying a problem or worry out loud is sometimes all you need to see the way forward. I tend to step in with my own solutions far too quickly. I aim to change.

^{im just not so good w/ the advice! :P}

but I do feel like I can stop and listen better to others. I feel it is a product of the hectic/busy life I’ve been leading…hmmm…I smell another thing for the list.

i want to be the person that people can pour their heart out to & they know i wont judge them.

I want to talk to people and REMEMBER THEIR NAMES WHEN THEY INTRODUCE THEMSELVES. It bugs me that I can’t seem to remember their names. It means I’m not listening well enough. I hate that.

i want to be a good listener to my friends and loved ones. i think that i am the one that does most of the talking and i don’t like that about myself. i want to ask them questions to show i care about what they are doing in their lives.

I know its always better to listen then to talk…. u learn a lot but sometimes…. i lose sight of listening and in the long run…. it hurts only me!

Breathe in, Listen. Breath out, Talk.

(Just make sure the air isn’t polluted before taking in too many deep breaths.)