My daughter is now 25. She’s the mother of my beautiful grandson.
I was 20 when I had my daughter.
I was the oldest of 5, and I was often called upon to take care of my siblings, my mother had rheumatoid arthritis, which made it difficult for her to do much of anything. I didn’t want to be like my mother, overwhelmed. Though I always knew that she did her best.
I didn’t enjoy my childhood. I felt insignificant.
So, of course, I wanted my children to feel good about themselves, however, not at the risk of compromising what I wanted to do in life. I realized that more than one child for me was going to be too many. I had my tubes tied at 23.
She was always my priority and I always made sure that there were competent hands to help me nurture her.
My ex, her father, was in the Navy. Often away, my daughter never prevented me from doing anything I wanted to do. I wanted to work and go to college. In between work and school I wanted to work out – not walking yet, I’d take her under one arm and go to the pool on base and swim laps with her under one arm.
When she was about 8 we lived 2 miles from 6 Flags. I went to work at 4 a.m. and was home in time for her to get out of school and head to the amusement park. This was something I loved to do. I went because I loved to go.
When she was 14 I decided that I wanted to leave her father. And I soon had a boyfriend who was 13 years younger than me living with us (he too was in the Navy). I was a medical transcriptionist, and I was really good at it and made good money. I didn’t need or take child support from my ex, he’s always been a good father.
Although my youthful boyfriend could afford to help with bills, I wouldn’t let him. My daughter asked me why. My response was “I hope that when you’re my age that you can afford to do what you want.” I worked hard, I played hard, and I took care of her, but my life didn’t revolve around her.
She didn’t like to be at home, after all, I was always there. I gave her the freedom that she wanted. She carried a pager (the more feasible thing at the time), I had an 800# just for her. When I paged her, she had 5 minutes to call me before I went to hunt her down. There was NO EXCUSE not to return my call, wherever she was. I had caller ID, I knew where she was.
I was lost though when she “left” me. I let her go to lead her life as she wanted. I fell apart. My life changed drastically. Of course it didn’t help that my 5 year “affair” with the younger man didn’t dissolve because he was gay !!??? And the job that I did working at home now layed me off because I wouldn’t move back to Neptune, NJ to work inhouse.
I never recovered the person I was when my daughter was growing up. I may have spiralled into a different direction, but I’ve experienced new things and learned from them.
The best thing though – My daughter gives me a great deal of credit for the person who she is. We’re very close, though we live across the country from each other. She’s a strong woman. And as I learned from my mother from her shortcomings and strengths, my daughter has too.
And she’s a wonderful person!
Peace,
Grandma
www.GrandmasHeadShop.com
