take better care of my friendships

This is goal number 5 of “Dreaming It. Listing It. Doing It!”, my project to achieve all the goals listed in “Dream It. List It. Do It!”

My one friend got beaten up by her boyfriend. She called me crying at like 7:10 in the morning on Sunday. I was getting ready to go to church at this point, but I took the train and helped her get some medicine, watched Sex In The City with her two times, got her something to eat that she could microwave – and spent the better part of a beautiful Sunday indoors to help her with her situation.

I know I would want a friend to do the same thing for me.

In order to take care of my friendships that I have, that I have , I need to , because its something I need to do, so I came up with a plan every friday I’m going to call Lina and text her once in a while. I know its werid but the friendship that I’m worry about is Lina and I . We been friends for ever, so its going to take work but it is what it is

making all the other goals click! i’m really glad that i decided to do this. at the same time- taking care of my good friendships shows me how lame some of the wrong friendships i was trying to preserve really were….

at first i felt kind of bad thinking this, but now i realize that it’s only so much that i can do with some people. i also realized that i had my own growth to do. and while i’m growing- i’m trying not to forget who i am- not to grow into a different person- but to grow into a better person.

it’s labeled as gay- or feminine or not in the norm for guys to talk about these things- but this is what i feel- and i don’t feel like i should apologize for telling people that i really value my friendships wiht the friends i’ve made out here in sf- and at the same time- those i’ve always been friends with but lost touch with.

I don’t pay attention to details or people – and that kind of distances me from others. This needs to change.

I need to be open. That means I need to deal with rejection as well as acceptance.

I have been working on this during the past year, and feel that I can mark it as ‘done’, although I will continue it in the future. One thing I had to realize is that some friendships do drift away over time if both sides don’t devote time to them. Some people whom I used to spend time with, are now constantly busy and unavailable; others are delighted to hear from me, and when we spend time together, (even if we haven’t seen each other for a long time) it is a real treat. It’s unpredictable and often surprising… sure keeps life interesting! My door is always open to friends from the past.

Friends are treasures. They nurture and inspire, they give and take, share experiences and wisdom and laughs. I cannot imagine life without them.

I’ve made arrangements with my closest friend Linda to meet up once a week, so we can catch up.

Over the long haul, the only two friendships that I have really taken care of are with my two kids. They’re grown now (24 and 27), and I am super happy we are such friends. They choose to spend time with me all the time. It’s great!! Now I want to transfer that over to some other people, too.

However, I don’t really know that I need another new goal. I have quite a few already.

I see the quote on this page “Passion is about allowing yourself to get lost in something” by Gail Sheehy. She also said “You know you are passionate about something if it passes the time flies test.”

Linda

I have been fortunate in my life to have some very good friends. The friends have changed through the years and through the stages of my life. I have also suffered some very serious betrayals. These betrayals have taught me to wait in new relationships to check out the underlying agendas. I want to know if a relationship will be reciprocal. Can I ask as much of the other as they ask of me? Can I say no without an emotional blast? Can I protect my personal limits and still be present to my friend? I know that my marriage relationship died because we were so busy doing “good deeds” that we stopped being friends. Although I sometimes wonder if we ever really were friends. We are both first born rule freaks. I choke to say that we were probably approval junkies. I have always known that goal setting was important. I never took the time to do it before I joined this list. Thank you 43Things. I have learned so much from all of the wonderful people here and from the simple “cheer”. All of my goals have come out of this goal, because I have learned to be my own friend. “What do you need today?”; “How are you feeling?”; “Is there something special you need today?”; “I’m so sorry you have to go through that today, I’ll be thinking of you.” and “Do you need a pretty hankie?”. Thank you 43Things. Life looks good.

I went to the funeral today of a 22 year old young man that died tragically in an automobile accident. The comment made over and over today was how well he took care of his friends. He was always there for them. He remembered to call them. He remembered birthdays. He suffered with them. He laughed with them. No one could ever remember him talking badly about anyone. Everyone in his immediate circle of friends thought they were his best friend. There were over three hundred people of all ages at this young man’s funeral. Inspiring.