Yesterday was good too. I feel like i am getting the hang of recovery…. I’m starting to FEEL recovered instead of just acting like I’m recovered and still having all this shit in my mind. :)
If anyone else is reading this and feels like things will never get better…. THEY WILL! it just takes time… a long time! but eventually, with patience, you will get there. I know my journey with recovery isn’t over yet, but I’m confident choosing to get better, and fighting for that with everything bit of determination I could find, was the best decision I have ever made.
People who have done this
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How I did it: I left the country that was everything contributing to the illness to start a new life. It was hard but finally I met a person who changed my life and everything I used to believe in. It wasn't much of me who overcome the eating disorder, but the person who showered me with love and did everything to make me smile that did it. As the months and years went by, I finally started to feel beautiful and happy the way I am. One day I was start… Read how I did it…
How I did it: I spent about a year hiding the fact that I had an eating disorder. At first I just purged eventhing, then I started eating less and less. In the end it was helping a friend who I confided in me she was anorexic that helped me finally get better. Talking her through it and getting her to eat again forced me to deal with it. That was 10-11 years ago, just stick with it. Read how I did it…
How I did it: I have always been strange around food, since I was young, as well as generally fearful, obsessive and anxious. This led to me developing various eating disorders, anxiety disorders, chronic procrastination and major depression. The past couple of months I've done a lot of thinking. I was, like most of us, very fearful of leaving behind my behaviors, as they were my only tools of coping through stressful situations. But the most awful thi… Read how I did it…
How I did it: I went to Africa for 3 months!working in a village where they dont have enough to eat and still give you food, is really humbling. plus there were always people around so it was hard to find time to purge(i was still kind of binging at meal times so put on a lot of weight) and towards the end purging didnt even cross my mind.I know it isn't a convenient route for everyone, and by this time I'd lost the rush i normally felt when purging, i… Read how I did it…
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has felt so good and normal. yoga, food that’s healthy but what i wanted, listening to myself. :) i will keep this up
molco is thinking about the future
I’m not doing as well as I’m supposed to do. I’m struggling to find reasons to keep fighting. I’ve realized that I’ve stopped eating many foods and only eat the few that are “safe” over and over again, plus a lot of other distorted behaviours have come back. The fear of gaining and staying at a healthy weight stops all my attempts at trying to get better. I feel like I’ll go in circles like this forever. I have very little faith in myself that I’m strong enough to fight this eating disorder. It seems like I use up all my energy to be a likeable person and do well in school, and then let the eating disorder live its own life.
Okay, its a fresh new day. Yesterday is gone so no worrying about its relapses.
I’m going to tell myself, “Is my stomach REALLY hungry? And what do I REALLY want to eat? Nothing is off limits.” <—The last statement is what freaked me out yesterday & led me to a binge. But this morning, truly believing that NOTHING is off limits makes me crave more for healthy and whole foods that my body IS really craving… not binge foods just to rebel against my food rules. That’s crazy!!
10am- homemade burger made with vegetable pattie with avocado, jalopenos, onions, and lettuce inside, all in a whole wheat bun. ate and savored each bite in the kitchen, drank water, and back in my room again. no cravings for anything else.
10:40am- binging on family size chocolate bar… what the heck…
In today’s counseling session, we talked about my binge foods. One trigger is the pressure from my self-imposed laws, like 1) NO CARBS, 2) GO OVER-EXERCISE, 3) EAT MINIMUM AMOUNTS, 4) ALWAYS BE LOSING WEIGHT, 5) NEVER EAT DESSERT, etc. Then when I binge, guess what I binge on? Carbs & desserts & sweets.. the forbidden foods. So this week’s assignment is to LET GO of my laws, which makes me anxious just thinking about allowing myself carbs (even just 1 serving). But letting go is what will eventually rid the power that food has over me. When no food is forbidden, maybe one day, I’ll just crave what my body needs… like a turkey sandwich w/ salad… and not freak out about it.
So this is a scary but necessary step. I already binged immediately after I was assigned this homework cuz the thought of carbs freaked me out. But slowly but surely, I will get this someday with practice. I will keep practicing. If I fall, I’ll just get back up & try again.
NO MORE FOOD LAWS.
graciousinhighheels is inspired!
I want to be able to enjoy my food. I am neither Anorexic nor Bulimic. I’m a binge eater. I’m not a hardcore binge eater – I’m not obese and I can’t swallow 3 cheeseburgers at one go, but I DO eat even when I’m not hungry and I DO eat more than I should, which causes me to get a stomach ache.
I was hospitalized a while ago and while recovering, I was really careful with my portion size and with chewing. I realized that small but frequent meals worked better for me and chewing at least 30 times goes a long way to prevent bloating and indigestion.
But I seem to have fallen back into my old ways. I gorge on my food like nobody’s business. I feel like I keep shovelling it down, or I eat simply because I’m bored or I’m upset about something. So yes, I’m also an emotional eater.
I’m going to start by chewing properly again. Sometimes it’s difficult and you space out when you eat and then you tend to shovel everything down really fast again, but I’m going to try. Again.
I remember during that period when I ate right.. meaning I didn’t stuff myself, and ate small portions (albeit frequently), I had never felt better.
I want that feeling back.
molco is thinking about the future
I never want to believe that an eating disorder is the only way for me again, because it is so not. It’s a mental disease, and the more I tell myself that the more I want to distance myself from it, because I never wanted to be a sick person.
I want to healthy and do my body good. I am going to keep on beating this and hopefully soon good times will come.
mbk122 He wants to be free.
This is an addiction, one that i am going to face for the rest of my life. Sometimes i wonder whether i pushed it too far and it’s too late for me now, but i still have that tiny bit of hope, to be free and to recover, to not have to take pills everyday just to stay on my feet.
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Boise
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noana asks,
“What keeps people motivated when they just want to say f*** it and go back to their eating disorder?”
— 2 years ago |
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