be free

I highly respect the hippie lifestyle, and i try to follow certain aspects of it in my own life (no, i don’t do drugs). I don’t want to feel tied down because of my diabetes, job, anything. Well, except i want to stay close to all my friends and family because they made me. And if i didn’t have them, i wouldn’t have a reason to do anything, at all.
And if i haven’t already said it, i want to go all over the world and do everything i can, see beauty in the simplest of things. I’ve moved around a bit since my parents split up (but they’re currently back together and trying to sort out their differences), so i never really had a solid feeling of ‘home’. And i’m just currently having a sense that i belong somewhere. I want to have somewhere that i belong, as well as being able to travel,

and be free

I just wanna live in a van and travel with close friends anywhere we feel like and do whatever we want while enjoying life. =)

I feel like I am trapped inside a box with no where to run or hide.
I’ve been like this for a while now and sometimes suicidal thoughts pass through my head, but I know that isn’t the answer. If you truly want to be free, try to find yourself and do the things you love to do and don’t let ANYONE stop you. I feel at peace when I am at at the beach, but when it’s lonely or at a bonfire. The breeze and the southing sound of the ocean really calms my nerves and everything, all the anger that I have had disappears in that instant and all that matters is nothing. Absolutely nothing. I also been wanting to go on a hiking adventure and explore beautiful sites of many countries, but I have yet to go to college and get a job. Once I am financially stable I, myself along with some friends will one day be ourselfs as one with nature… will one day be free.

Don’t we all?

Free from low self worth in so many ways. Free from the constraints of modern society, religion, social norms, expectations from others. To love myself and to do what I know would make me the happiest. Free from my past and strong and intense words that have given me diluted and wrong views of myself. Free to be.

I want to put aside enough money to buy (and maintain) a flat or house. It could be the whole amount or maybe 50% or 75% of the cost. The idea is that I should be able to afford to live quietly and creatively without a volatile, oppressive, “demanding” job.

Better yet, enough money to not need a mortgage.

Right now, I have great ideas for things I could make, ideas I could explore, things I’d like to write and learn and places I’d like to go. I’m a virtual prisoner in a job I hate – can’t say or do anything without being micromanaged. By the time I’m done with work each day I have no time or energy.

Even a mundane job would be freedom compared to where I am. I’m not allowed to make any decisions and I feel like I’m in mind-prison. At least if I was stacking shelves I could switch my brain off during work and then do something stimulating after hours.

This simply must change… but at least now I have a clear goal.

I know what I want, but how do I get there? All I can figure out is that I need more money.

The world is moving in the exact opposite direction from how I want to live. Do I spit into the wind in defiance? Do I pack up my things and abandon the miserable life around me in search of something that may not exist?

I’m not sure. I’m at a crossroads. I think patience is the key here.

love

The other day, someone in my life made a comment about how I just don’t let myself be free to feel what I want… or something of that nature… and it reminded me of this goal that I added so long ago. I’ve kind of forgotten the meaning of it, actually. I mean, what is it exactly that I want to be free of?

I think, if I remember back to when I joined, I wanted to be free of things that were holding me back. A lot of things at the time felt like they were drowning me. Am I free of this now? For the most part… yes. I let go of people who were bringing me down. It was surprisingly easy, to tell someone I didn’t want them in my life anymore because I wasn’t willing to put up with them treating me like crap. I’ve never really discussed it with anyone, but it was certainly a victory in my life.

So, why don’t I have this goal listed as done? I guess every time I glance through my list, I think, I’m not free yet and I keep going. But what am I waiting for? What am I not free of? I’m not free of a lot of things. Which I don’t know if I ever will be. The only way I think I would be is if I gave up everything and became a crazy hippie chick. However, that’s not exactly a lifestyle I want…

If I can’t accomplish this goal, why keep it? But I don’t want to give up. So… despite not being able to complete it… I’m keeping it here because sometimes you have to have goals you can’t complete in your life. I don’t know for sure if this is one of them or not… but… it’s interesting to think about.

i just wanna be a free person.This fucked up society is in need of change.
ORGANIZE A//E//