be free

Don’t we all?

Free from low self worth in so many ways. Free from the constraints of modern society, religion, social norms, expectations from others. To love myself and to do what I know would make me the happiest. Free from my past and strong and intense words that have given me diluted and wrong views of myself. Free to be.

I want to put aside enough money to buy (and maintain) a flat or house. It could be the whole amount or maybe 50% or 75% of the cost. The idea is that I should be able to afford to live quietly and creatively without a volatile, oppressive, “demanding” job.

Better yet, enough money to not need a mortgage.

Right now, I have great ideas for things I could make, ideas I could explore, things I’d like to write and learn and places I’d like to go. I’m a virtual prisoner in a job I hate – can’t say or do anything without being micromanaged. By the time I’m done with work each day I have no time or energy.

Even a mundane job would be freedom compared to where I am. I’m not allowed to make any decisions and I feel like I’m in mind-prison. At least if I was stacking shelves I could switch my brain off during work and then do something stimulating after hours.

This simply must change… but at least now I have a clear goal.

I know what I want, but how do I get there? All I can figure out is that I need more money.

The world is moving in the exact opposite direction from how I want to live. Do I spit into the wind in defiance? Do I pack up my things and abandon the miserable life around me in search of something that may not exist?

I’m not sure. I’m at a crossroads. I think patience is the key here.

love

The other day, someone in my life made a comment about how I just don’t let myself be free to feel what I want… or something of that nature… and it reminded me of this goal that I added so long ago. I’ve kind of forgotten the meaning of it, actually. I mean, what is it exactly that I want to be free of?

I think, if I remember back to when I joined, I wanted to be free of things that were holding me back. A lot of things at the time felt like they were drowning me. Am I free of this now? For the most part… yes. I let go of people who were bringing me down. It was surprisingly easy, to tell someone I didn’t want them in my life anymore because I wasn’t willing to put up with them treating me like crap. I’ve never really discussed it with anyone, but it was certainly a victory in my life.

So, why don’t I have this goal listed as done? I guess every time I glance through my list, I think, I’m not free yet and I keep going. But what am I waiting for? What am I not free of? I’m not free of a lot of things. Which I don’t know if I ever will be. The only way I think I would be is if I gave up everything and became a crazy hippie chick. However, that’s not exactly a lifestyle I want…

If I can’t accomplish this goal, why keep it? But I don’t want to give up. So… despite not being able to complete it… I’m keeping it here because sometimes you have to have goals you can’t complete in your life. I don’t know for sure if this is one of them or not… but… it’s interesting to think about.

i just wanna be a free person.This fucked up society is in need of change.
ORGANIZE A//E//

where are you?? i dont understand i look and look but you seem so far away from me…i think its because most of the freedom i am searching for is the one within …but i feel like stuck…within myself…i will be set free though…because im tired of being my old closed minded self…i need to escape not only the negativity around me but the negativity within myself…and just …be free…

One day I will be free. Free from society, expectations, money. Free from everything artificial. Free from people and greed. One day, when I’m ready, I will run away and be one with the pure beauty of the earth.

I don’t know what this entails exactly, but I do know that I want it. I think it’s mostly a spiritual calling: spiritually free. The beautiful thing is that I already am by Jesus’ works. But what I’m looking for is complete freedom: rid of guilt, rid of agenda, rid of the need to please others, rid of living for the world, and instead, living in complete knowledge that it was for freedom that Christ set us free. Praise You, Lord, for this.