be a kid again

playing gangups, four square, intense basketball games on a 40 degree day in summer and filling my hat up with water like a basket and plopping it on my head! oh yeah, being a kid trumps all.

We’ve both gotten into Little Big Planet, it’s such a cute and fun video game that we can play together! It’s fun to be a kid when we have time :D

Sometimes this is rather depressing because I get further and further from this goal every moment. I have never felt right growing up and have always identified more with children than with adults. My body and my life do not seem to match what is inside of me. I am 23 now but would like to be a single digit in age.

Maybe one day technology will make it possible for me to return return my body to that of a child’s, or my brain can be transferred into a synthetic kid body of some kind. But for now I have to be content with what I’ve got.

It is not just physical, but the way I like to act too. Society is rather oppressive, and the working world especially. I do not feel free to act the way that I want most of the time. I would like to skip and run and around and play and color and finger paint and just generally feel free and happy! Some of these things I can do sometimes. Fortunately, I have a very loving and supporting girlfriend who understands my needs. She loves me for the way that I am. (=

I know that part of me will never grow up. I will never lose my insatiable curiosity or my playful spirit. I will never lose my ability to be mesmerized and entertained by the simplest of things. I will always have more to learn and areas to continue to grow in, people to look up to, and in that way, I will always remain a kid!

So my husband and I got inspired when we watched the toy count down on VH1, especially since we were kids of the 80’s! It was so fun seeing all the ‘old skool’ toys like G.I. Joe, Cabbage Patch Kids, play-do, Barbie… You name it, it was pretty much there! But our favorite was the Legos!! We both used to LOVE playing with those as kids, so we ran right out to the store and bought a bunch of sets (Star Wars for him, and Indiana Jones for me), and have been building away :D We haven’t played with lego sets for years, so it has been such a blast traveling back to childhood memories!

i want to tink santas real and the easter bunny and tooth fairy and all dat! .. Christmas and easter was so Fun .. ! .. haha x

My mom and I went to Corning today and walked across the walking bridge. They have a maze drawn in paint from one side of the bridge to the other. We navigated through the maze from one side of the bridge to the other, and swung our arms out like we were flying as we turned the corners of the maze. I really felt like a little girl again and it was great. There were people walking the bridge as we were doing it, but we paid them no mind. It is wonderful to be able to have fun and not have a care in the world. When we got to the other side of the bridge, we turned around and walked through the maze again. :D

After that, we headed over to Sperr Memorial, went to the playground, and slid down the slides. :)

this just isn’t going to happen. I can only act, and pretend to be one at heart.

I think it’s time to strike this goal off the list, seeing as 1) Physically, it’s impossible to literally become a kid again, but I am trying not to think about that part, and 2) Spiritually (is that the word?), I think I have actually achieved this. I try to inject childlike fun into my life whenever I can. (Childlike: not to be confused with “childish.”) I have Barbie dolls hanging out in my apartment and magnetic letters on the fridge. I eat peanut butter and fluff for lunch (my diet is extremely “Little Kid”). I made my My Little Ponies a dollhouse out of cardboard boxes and knick-knacks. I like the idea of playing. I like swing sets. I’m curious about new things. I stay away from strangers who I don’t know or trust. My friends think I’m selfish when I take Berenstain Bear books out of the library, saying that I’m depriving some three-year-old of their favorite books. I pine for the Scratch ‘N’ Sniff stickers I used to covet in first grade. I share a bed with Ling-Ling, my panda I had since I was seven. I read Archie comics when I eat snacks. I get cranky if I don’t have a nap.

I think one of my goals should actually be more mature. Although I’m actually very responsible and sensible (perhaps due to my paranoia), I think I could definitely afford to “grow up” in some ways concerning romantic relationships, and career-wise. But I always want to be learning, and I always want to be playing, and I always want to be intrigued. I never want to know it all. But I think it’s a good idea to start balancing it out.

I wrote this when a half hour before my 18 b-day on july 20, 2006. It’s kinda a reminder of what I wnat out of live and what I’ve learned in the 18 years of my life as “a kid”.

It’s just half an hour to my birthday. And I’m feeling a mixture of happy and sad. When I think of what I’ve accomplished this year? Not really a lot. I am trying harder. This year was the worst of em all and I’m not lying or trying to be dramatic. But it also changed me. I guess that this year really prepared me for becoming an “adult”. At heart I will always be a child and I’ll never forget the years as a kid. I’m not sheltered from the world anymore. Everything’s out in the open. I know more and I learned how to deal with a lot. Things I never thought I could handle…I handled. Not always the best way but I managed. I got my heart broken and I got several dreams chattered. The important lessons learned? Life is never what it seems and the world will crush you. It’s all about surviving. Never trust the people around you, but always be the one they can come to if they need someone to confide in. I learned that no matter how hard everything might be never take it out on others…It’s not a game of give and take and an eye for an eye will never satisfy your needs. Do upon others as you would have others do upon you. I’m trying hard to live by that rule…I’m trying. So as my journey of being a kid ends..And I step into the world of more mistakes, bigger dissapointments and harder decisions..I take all my mamories with me. The good and the bad…and I’m trying not to forget even the smallest one. I guess I’ve never felt more prepared in my life to continue what I’ve been put here to do. To change the world by just trying…and to be the best that I can be…while still remembering that life is all about learning and never dissapointing the kid inside.

-kate sontohartono

nothing beats to be a kid again.. [:-D]