i do not know

I still don’t know. And I disappeared for so long with nothing to show.

So I failed this Analytical Chemistry quiz today. Not too big of a deal, but still really shitty. After that I went back to my apartment filled with rage and a desire to do something. BUT I COULD NOT THINK OF ANYTHING THAT WOULD SATISFY ME! And now that I have calmed down, I still cannot sleep. There is some hole inside me that cannot be filled with rigorous exercise or thorough cleaning or incessant masturbation. Alcohol sometimes seems to work, but that’s just because I start doing stupid things that I won’t remember and then I eventually pass out because it is doing its best to kill via exhaustion and poisoning.

I have no release…

Some kind of life plan seems to be falling into place…
Peculiar…
And then life came to a screeching halt for a few days. Family emergency kind of stuff.
Right now we’re tentatively saying that things might be ok….

This is a goal in which i have been sorely successful in lately.