for me to be making decisions. You’d think, “Hey, someone beat you up. What’s the problem?”
I have to decide which legal avenue to take. Apparently, there are choices. And then there’s paperwork.
It sounds stupid, but I need to redecorate. I’m sitting in a crime scene. And I don’t like it. Also, PTSD is helped by changing the environment. I don’t want to spend too much. And I have ideas to do everything. So, we could do it all or any piece of it or nothing.
And just everyday things.
So, I turned it over to my husband. I am all over the place. Up and Down. At least I knew when to step back before I did anything with too many consequences 1 week ago

I tend to dwell way to much on past mistakes. Small, petty things that really don’t matter at all at this point, still find a way to take up valuable mental space that distracts me from what I want to do NOW! I need to learn to let these things go, I can’t change what has already happened. 3 weeks ago

... I know what it is, or at least I think I do. I will think on it, as it is no small decision. 5 months ago

every negative thought. anything that works against me. against us.

if it has already happened, and is done, and i cant change it, then why do i still cling on to the thought so much?
i need to let go. it doesnt matter. it over with. its gone.

things happen. sometimes there are no explanations. sometimes there are. but regardless, just let go.

accept what is happening right now.
stop questioning. trust. in yourself lelie. 5 months ago

I’m not sure if, at the time, I meant it this way. But I did let go. I took a leap of faith and it got me halfway across the country at an internship I never dreamed I’d be doing! Whether it works out perfectly or not, I have given myself a chance and I had to let go to take that chance. 5 months ago

I increasingly seem to dwell on my past experiences, especially my screw-ups and get incredibly angry with myself over being so stupid and pathetic. I know there’s nothing I can do now to change the past and that all this self-hatred really isn’t constructive, yet I continue regardless. I guess it’s habitual, but try as I might to focus on my present and future, I can’t seeem to break free of the cycle: low moods/self-hatred, then a stupid/pathetic action, followed by reminiscence, which brings me back to low moods/self-hatred. Over the christmas holiday I’ll try to turn things around, I’ll improve my appearance and join clubs and try to find a girlfriend. Then I’ll have more confidence and fewer negative things to keep replaying in my head and torturing myself with. 6 months ago