I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
/Edgar Allan Poe, from A Dream Within A Dream
We need to let go of more than just the pain, the emotional hang-ups, the clamoring of the ego. We need to let go of the illusions and our most dearly-held misconceptions. The projections and the expectations and yes even the dreams.
We need to let go of dreams, too, though people often say otherwise. We need to let go of what we love, and hope for. The other saying goes, if you love it, set it free; if it comes back, it’s meant to be. We can’t control it or make it happen. Neither can those things control us, ever.
Holding on too much is trying to control things, if only to stop things from changing. But, things still change. Everybody and everything goes on changing, growing. Sometimes we grow together; sometimes we grow apart. Holding on won’t change that-
and neither will letting go.
Love is a recognition of the innate connection you have with the beloved, whether it be a romantic partner, family member, true friend, or part of the universe/creation (animal, tree, mountain, ocean, galaxy). It’s an acknowledgment that we are all interrelated. It’s a sense of discovery, belonging, and togetherness, reconciled with the notion that each (the lover and the loved) still retains their individuality and uniqueness, that our uniqueness is only possible because of our differences, that this uniqueness is appreciated in context of our greater connectedness, and that this connection plays a part in who we are to begin with.
The only way to really experience that connection is to stop holding on, to let go. It’s like the story of the mountain climber who fell during a blizzard and was left hanging from his rope, terrified. When the storm cleared, he saw that he was only a few feet from the ground. If he had cut the rope, he wouldn’t have fallen to his death. And if we let go, we are not going to fall into the abyss, either. The rest of the universe is not going to careen off without us. The dreams that are meant to be are not going to slip away forever.
Those waves Edgar Allan Poe mentioned don’t just wash sand away; they also bring sand back in. Most of the beach is still right where we left it, along with some new treasures as well.
In fact, even if you let go of the lessons learned, the insight, the greater understanding, the knowledge that you go on and the world keeps spinning- it’s not lost. It will keep coming back in other ways again and again and again until you accept it and USE it in your life. Things are stubborn like that.
The things that you need won’t fly away. It’s okay to let them go. Let them be what they are, and what they are becoming.
Letting go is not giving up!
