reconnect

I sent Andrew a message on Facebook since I don’t have his address in Korea. It was really short. But what matters in the first step is just making that connection, opening a dialogue, having my name appear in front of him.

I mailed a letter to Anna that I wrote during my ENGL313 class that day the professor spoke harshly to me and I zoned out to spite him (which was ridiculous but felt good nevertheless). She called me today but I really couldn’t talk because of a huge test tomorrow but I think that means she got my letter.

Finally, I broke up with Ross and am happy to be single. I spend more time with my friends now both studying and “partying” and it feels really great to only have to take my feelings and my situation into account, what I want to do and when. It’s just me. And my friends are enough of a connection to keep me from feeling lonely.

I can’t believe I have done all the things I set out to do when I added this goal. What do you think- should I mark this as done?

I got on facebook and did some research and decided that might not be a good idea for me.

It is interesting to see those who are 2 degrees of separation from each other. I feel enlightened about some things and found confirmation of some things that before I knew only by instinct.

I think it would be difficult for me to remain more than 6 degrees from a stalker sooo I think I will just skip it.

Networking isn’t good for me.

i have grown. i find that reconnection is hard. it is hard for me to see myself through the eyes of someone else no matter what gender or age. i wrote about how self-criticizing i am. it is not good.

this reconnecting is almost complete. i find that i stand at the threshold of truth. truth has wonderful side effects! a good dose of truth heals all manner of issues. it is good to see things for what they are. i am beautiful inside and outside. i want love, but i am not willing to fork over myself…my confidence…my faith…my life for someone i am not to possess.

the pieces are slowly coming together. this is all through prayer and God’s truth! Five words this week made it all clear. God spoke. He said, “It is in my power.“

So simple. So true. So real. So peaceful.

This is a mental note, of sorts, to remind me to send Anna a letter sometime soon. Perhaps a postcard will suffice in the more immediate future but I want to send pictures and junk like I did back in the day.

Anna Boo I miss you so much, you have no idea!

It will make me feel more well-rounded. I can’t even remember what it’s like not to have a boyfriend to consider, and I think I kind of miss that.

I have been using this goal to chronicle reconnection that I never knew would happen. I am standing outside of my body watching this happen. It is weird how this reconnection seems to be disconnecting me from myself. Sound weird?

I don’t understand it myself. I have utterly become someone that I haven’t seen in about ten years. That young girl who found herself so involved that she melted away from the rejection, disappointment, and failure of love. I stood there with my heart in my hand watching it as the poison of youthful infatuation slayed it until it was barely beating. I could barely pick up the peices of me from the floor, but God was there. He took my hand and guided me through it all. After that, I declared I would never be in that place again.

But it is amazing that here I stand looking at my reflection as if I am unacquainted with the face that stares back. She no longer acts like the self-possessed, hopeful, faithful, confident person from six months ago. She is sad, lame, and only a fragment of what she used to be. She is that girl sitting on the floor from long ago, waiting to end it, crying for a Savior, crying to feel love, crying to know acceptance and friendship.

I need to reconnect with me. I want the real me to please stand up…please?

My friend Andrew from St. Mary’s saved my life and now, for some reason, he doesn’t speak to me anymore. I want to figure out why and make things right.

60 days is a lot of time to spend away from the boy. How can they reconnect in this time? She is totally vulnerable…he is sure about what he wants. Friendship is eminent, but she is not so sure. She is praying for a chance to see him, and he is annoyed at her neediness to be around him. Yet he wants to be around her too.

What can happen? What will happen?

so the girl spent the day with the boy. she cannot say how much more she knows about him, and he cannot say how much more he knows about her. they are still in a complicated state of existence. but each conversation leaves the other with a sense of connecting. they are much more alike than the other even assumed, but they must be careful. how does one get to know a friend without moving into some other place of existence?

there must be a steady reality check of facts. she wants his friendship. he wants her friendship. this is all that is possible. this is all there will be. reconnecting can be complicated, but it is definitely worth it.

it is easier to have someone in the way. i kind of do it too… this way facing reality is not what happens. how does she reconnect with someone who is so busy?