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Stop being afraid of death

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Bartłomiej 2 years ago

ohdeeryme 2 years ago


I’m actually kind of glad that I’m not alone and these panic stricken middle of the night thoughts have occurred to others. Since the age of seven I’ve been fear stricken with not only “death”, but so many other multi faceted aspects of existence or worse; non existence. I lay awake at night, worried that I will be locked in an abysmal eternity in a self conscious viewpoint. Condemned to be alone in my thoughts, perceptions and existence; how ever could I fill a vast bottomless pit of eternity? What would I do? How would I stand being trapped with myself by myself? I so dread the dark and cold infinite unfathomable forever that has robbed me of sleep and normalicy since I was just a child. What would it feel like to feel my life slipping away into that cold dream-less state? I can’t stand to imagine it, I am so frightened. I have thought of seeking therapy but didn’t because I don’t want drugs, and doubt any therapist can help. After all, I’ve even questioned the very elderly in the attempt to gain some insight into how they planned to deal with their near impending death-and all I got time after time was disappointment. Things like “I’ll be in heaven with so & so” or “you’re to young to worry about that”.
I had a normal and happy childhood with Muslim and catholic parents who were open minded yet devout in their own way. I prayed my whole life and I do believe in God-rather, I want so much to FEEL God in my life. With all my uncertainty I question if I will ever know him, and that only adds to my misery.
I wish I could have the blind faith that so many have, I wish I could be certain that I would be in a cloud filled heaven playing a harp. But how? The faithful don’t have these horrible thoughts I have, and the faithful never doubt like I do.
The worst part is, I find rational and reason with religion and don’t think it’s silly at all-so why must I be butdened with this fear?
Sometimes I wonder if I’ll retain consciousness in the grave somehow-for an eternity nonetheless, and that drives me absolutely mad.
People say “imagine what it was like before you came into existence. That’s how it is when you die”. But how could it be? How could that be when I HAVE existed and later have ceased to exist. It’s not the same by any means. Not when I’m leaving a body behind. 2 years ago

Sarahahmad11 2 years ago

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