accept reality

I’m not sure if this is the right words to describe what i’m trying to do, what needs to be done.

I need to move on. Cut the cords, forget the past, realize that i have no reason to feel the way that i do.

I need to accept that I am not that girl. That girl that every guy wants to be with, that girl.

That girl that any guy wants to be with. Highly depressing I know.

I want things, i know what i want. But I’ve realized that with him, I’ll never have what i want. It’s too late. Lines have already been crossed and too many time so to erase. The marks are embedded.

I’ve wanted to find someone or experience someone finding me and finding out within themselves that they want to be with me. But now it’s too late for that to happen with him.

I think that i may be in love yes, but, physically so. H…There’s no point to continuing that thought.

He doesn’t want to be with me.

At the end of it all, it really doesn’t matter why.

Maybe my thinking is naive, but i stand true to it.

I believe that if someone loves….who said anything about love….therein lies my problem.

I regress a bit…..

I believe…

....that if someone finds himself wanting to be with someonelse, then nothing would stop that person from being with the person they want to be with.

Is that obsessive

I believe that the person would….he would see my flaws, but the things that he likes in me would shine brighter, my negatives would not be a reason for him to not want to be with me. So the fact that there are reasons, regardless of the context of whom those reasons lie with, the underlying fact is that there are reasons. And this is the reality i need to face….accept.

.........but what are the actions that go together with facing, accepting something?

I am afraid to feel and react, because i am afraid that if i do that then nothing will happen on his end as a result to my actions….

I guess that that statement by itself exposes my inability to accept reality. I just don’t want to realize that it’s an impossibility.

A person said that the more you accept and understand reality, the happier you become.

I tend to always try to find THE best way to react to situations, bad or good. And by THE best I mean one that’s gonna make me look good or make me feel good the most.

But I’ve read somewhere that it can be a waste of energy, that somethings don’t need to be changed, just accepted. I think I agree.

I have a friend with gambling and alcohol problems and I know for a fact that I cannot change his habit, because I tried about everything for the past few years.

And I feel humiliated when people see me with him when he’s making a fool of himself. Well, I’m not the one making a fool of myself so I shouldn’t be ashamed of anything and I like him a lot as a friend on normal times. I should just accept him as he is and look at him make a fool of himself and still feel good about myself.