be more happy with myself

I don’t know whats wrong with me anymore, I used to eat healthy and like the way I looked when I was younger; but now I just hate what I’ve done to myself.. I keep gaining weight every week; I keep eating chocolate and all kinds of junk food due to my emotions… but now I don’t eat because of emotions, I eat for the sake of eating.
It’s destroying my life, and I don’t know how to make it stop, I can’t talk about it to any of my friends or family, cause they won’t help me, they are too busy in there own lives to see mine spinning out of control. I just don’t know how to cope anymore :(

I have anxiety attacks. Oh, god, do i have them. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders all the freakin’ time! I repress my feelings so much that i can’t even cry easily or when i feel like it. I haven’t cried in months and months and months and months. Feels like forever to me. ;_;
I’m taking medicine for the attacks, but it doesn’t seem to help me much.
I can’t give up hope!
I REFUSE TO GIVE UP HOPE!
I will make it through all of this.
I will make it through alive and better.
I have faith.
Heather

I made a little painting during the hurricane that’s just painted in red and it says: I get mad at myself for things that are completely out of my control.

And it’s very true. I do get mad at myself for things like that.
It’s kinda sad, and it depresses me.