learn to enjoy not smoking

I don’t suppose ‘not enjoying smoking’ is the same thing… (sigh).

Last night my brother, who i love deeply, asked me to stop smoking. Then this morning i got back from my trip to the west and there was a letter from a girl I worked with this summer asking me if i had stopped smoking yet. She had bought me a movie about a bloke who gets lung cancer in an effort to get me to quit. I feel quite low. its got to be done. Soon. Now? Oh god!

I had a furious row with myself today. I advised myself to stop smoking…again. At first i ignored myself. But I persisted. “You know its going to kill you sooner or later”, I said. I flipped out. “How dare i be so sanctimonious”, I said to myself, “If I’m so perfect how come my life is such a mess”. I felt that was terribly unfair and I haven’t spoken to myself since.

I’ve given up smoking a few times but fallen down each time. I stopped for two years. Twice. But if all you do is deny yourself you will fail sooner or later. I have to change the way I think about it and genuinely enjoy not having those bastard things in my mouth.