Live in a place where I feel comfortable making dinner and eating it

for the last couple of weeks…

my ‘new’ place is by no means perfect. (tiny room, tiny kitchen, closet on other side of apt from room, weird downstairs neighbors with yappy dogs) but as far as roommate situations go, it is as calm as I could wish. This new roommate is so much more mature, grounded, clean, and just plain considerate than the last. Plus, though it’s a tiny place, it’s still homey. And in a mellow neighborhood, which is nice when you’re in NYC.

While I haven’t cooked up a storm since I’ve been here, it’s mostly because of lack of time. But I’ve at least made some tasty quick bites to eat here, which I never did in the nightmare roommate place, even though that kitchen was much bigger and nicer in some ways.

Peace is so important.

i feel somewhat comfortable in my new place…

am hoping to feel more and more so.

is one to feel comfortable when one’s roommate puts one’s bag of granola bars (said bars, mind you, being the ONLY THING one feels comfortable eating/keeping around the house, since she is such a filthy slob) on. the. Floor.

she has almost ALL the space in the cupboard she’s designated for food. Because I just don’t feel comfortable keeping much food around. But now she’s apparently decided that my bag of granola bars was taking up too much room on the shelf. So without a so much as an “if you please” she dumped it on the floor.

granted, since she’s so disgusting herself, she probably has no idea that this would bother me, or why it would bother me.

breathe. breathe.

$675 Female Roommate Wanted – Your own bedroom in 2 1/2 Bedroom apartment (East Village)

Date: 2007-05-16, 8:49PM EDT

Furnished bedroom available in spacious 2 1/2 bedroom apartment. Doorman, high floor, city and sunset views, sunny, etc. Washer, dryer and dishwasher in the apartment. The apartment has good heat, is quiet for sleeping, has good air-conditioning, high speed internet and a spare computer for the roommate’s use. It’s an elevator building and there is a health club in the building. The room is about 200 sq. ft., has a double bed, dresser, desk, walk in closet and a window with a nice view. I’m looking for a female roommate who will occasionally not wear clothes when I ask in exchange for free rent. No sex whatsoever required. Otherwise the rent is $675/month, everything included.

my roommate and i have been getting along better, but this place is still not very comfortable for me in many ways. She constantly apologizes for not cleaning up after herself, but does not change her ways. (it’s fairly typical for her to cook up a storm, pile the dishes up in the sink, have food and dirty pots on the stove and counter, and then not clean it up for 3, 4, 5, or even 10 days.)

in the past i would get angry or passive-aggressive, which led to not being very comfortable even when i saw her in the living room.

now i try to pretend i don’t care. i just avoid using the kitchen as much as possible. i don’t even make tea at home. sometimes, i do wash a plate and use it for salad, or wash a glass and use it for a glass of water or wine, but that’s it.

i have stepped up my efforts to find another place… i guess that’s what makes it bearable. That, and also having conversations with my roommate. I realize she’s an interesting, funny, nice person, even with this major flaw. But not someone I can live with long-term.

since my roommate is a slob

is that too much to ask?

actually, sobering thought, for many, it is…

I was feeling a bit bitchy about my current roommate situation last night and this morning, but then, on my way to the train station in the a.m., i walked by a person who was sleeping on the street with just a comforter.

out. on. the. street.
with just a comforter.

so, i tell myself, “self, you can bitch about having such a pain in the a$$ time finding a decent living situation, but you REALLY don’t know the true meaning of real problems, do you?”

and then i feel a bit humbled.

but even given this knowledge, that in actuality, no matter how sorry i may feel for myself, that actually my cup runneth over, even so, at times i still persist in feelign sorry for myself, and so i do feel uncomfortable being in the place that i am, and i do wish i could move.

But. I take me with a grain of salt.