get rid of bad friends

I got several texts yesterday from the friend Ive been distancing myself from. The fashion in which it was carried out was done sooo begrudgingly as a mutual friend of ours had obviously asked her to pass on the details of a drink-up. I know because I got said text.

Even though I cant make it, Id already made a decision only to meet her in group settings, when all our friends go out to avoid the strained, falseness that hangs over us when we go out alone. Its just sad its come to this, through all our history, good and bad, the friendship just feels hollow now…

Its in my nature to strive to be the best friend i can be to those i consider to be a friend to me but i think maybe something in me prevents that true bond from developing except with a select few and because it does take me ages to get to know people it encourages me to persist in holding onto these friendships even when I know they have run their course.

But Ive realised that over time these friendships do not mean as much to the other person as they do to me and as my self-esteem and confidence has grown Ive found that more ‘friends’ seem to distance themselves from me. Therefore I have never been popular and will never have a great deal of friends, so I just want to find a few true ones.

Which is why I cancelled the drinks with that girl. I grew alot as a person when we first became close friends and recently it has changed and i dont know the true motive. All i know is that i feel increasingly like she is treating me as the saying goes: ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer’ and that it would be better to put distance between us before one of us intentionally gets hurt.

There’s one friend Ive been debating for over a year now. I almost succeeded in ‘getting rid’ of her a couple months back but our mutual friends instantly got on my case and she acting the innocent clueless party meant i felt doubly guilty and even more unsure of my reasons behind the act. So we patched things up, moved on and i continue to be let down.

Its been a month or so since I last saw her or heard from her and so i thought it was about time we caught up for some drinks and a laugh, tis the season for it afterall. I text her to see if she wanted to go out on the upcoming weekend and although I wasnt expecting her to jump up and down with joy the reply I got was soooo utterly lacking in any enthusiasm I instantly regretted my decision and wished I hadnt bothered.

She didnt say no but she dint exactly say yes either, instead she said she may possibly blow me off to look after her fwb. But wont know till friday, in which case I really dont think I want to see her now anyway.

Im just really fed up caring about friends who couldnt care less about me. Why am i holding onto this friendship when it makes me so unhappy?

I still have a few bad friends I need to get rid of. But quite a few of them got rid of me. It was a terrible experience, the way it happened, but it made me see how awful of friends they were in the first place. I hope it’s as easy for me to dump bad friends as it was for bad friends to dump me.

I’m struggling with this. There are two I need to dump. One suddenly stopped talking to me for a month without letting me know why. He broke multiple promises with me in the process. Just yesterday, he contacted me talking about how terrible his life is, how it treats him so badly, and forgive him if I don’t hear from him for the next 6 months because he’ll be too busy hiding under a rock going ‘oh woe is me everyone hates me.’ You know, in the past, I would take this crap and see only his side of things, but now I think this is NOT fair to me, this is NOT being a friend to me. Why should I have to wait for months not knowing the true, specific reasons why my ‘friend’ is doing this to me?! He was SO nonspecific yesterday and tried putting the blame on me for me being such a “strong” person and other things that he tried making sound positive as to the reason why he “can’t face me.” WTF.

The other one has just been a jerk for years now. He used to be a mentor to me, and then he went off overseas for grad school and got a huge head and every time he’d email me back it just seemed like contempt for me because I was here finishing college and living in the U.S. still. All he did was criticize everything I was doing despite that he was being totally foolish in life. And I realized he has this completely wrong fantasy image in his head of who he thinks I am despite that I’ve told him so many things about myself. He wants to think I’m some ravishing sex fiend and a feminist, and I’m NEITHER. It makes me sick. And all he does is talk negatively about the area I still live in and looks down on all his OLD friends.

I just don’t know how to let go. The second one, I tried, but he threw a massive guilt-trip fit the last time. Bew hew, I’m the only friend he has that has lasted this long. WELL GEE I WONDER WHY! >:o

I hate the fact that my friend is taking advantage of me and she just doesn’t think that anybody else mattters. It’s just her and her only.

i’m tired of being thought of as a package deal with this friend i have! i want to be my own person, i want to be original, and i feel like shes kind of controlling my life. shes disrespectful to me when we hang out. when she doesn’t have any friends, she steals mine and jokes about me with them as a way to become the alpha of that group and get everyone to like her. she always talks about herself and her problems. she doesn’t seem to care much about anyone else. whenever i try and get away from her, she comes back around. its like she thinks i can’t have my own friends. she uses me to get thorough to other people to become closer to those people. I AM TIRED OF BEING USED.

I once sat down with this friend and talked with her about the way she acted and told her it was how she says things. It was always negative, and when it was positive it was always about her. She is so self centered she didn’t even see that I had become depressed. Everybody else did but not her.

I’ve been known to be the lively funny one. She invited me to a party of one of her friends that I’ve never met, I went because I said I would. I was having a good day, when dealing with depression it comes and goes. I was making polite conversation and doing my best to be somewhat chipper. At the end of the party she came up to me and told me “Be more animated next time” I was totally and completely floored. I had been trying so hard and she didn’t even know it.

And when this friend dosen’t get her way she throws a tantrum like a child and then everybody in the group pays attention to her. I am so sick of it. she is over 20 years old!

This will be very hard for me. One of my best friends is good hearted deep down but it rarely shows. Her constant lying, backstabbing ways,pesimistic views, always giving up goals, and carless ways are toxic. She always manages to slip a rude comment to everything she says to me. You think you can be rude to me but I’ll always still be here; think again. What I hate the most is she loves that that I’m turning into her. The sad part is that I kinda am and I abhor myself for it.

I have a friend who makes me insane. He is completely unreliable and always full of excuses for why he can’t do what he promised he would. He borrows stuff and never returns it, or else brings it back after months of my asking for it, and it’s broken or somehow messed up. He begs me to pay him to do jobs around my place, rather than hire someone else, but when the time comes to do it, he’s never able to fit it into his schedule. Or worse, begs me to pay him up front so he can cover bills or whatever, and then never does the job at all. After much begging and promising, I reluctantly allowed him to store some junked singlewide trailers in my rear pasture, on the condition that they ALL be gone by Sept 1st, 2008, and he had to fix the back fence and haul off all the trash back there. I had to nag the crap out of him for 4 months just to get the bulk of the trailers hauled off. Here it is Feb 09 and not only is the fence unrepaired and the trash still there and the frames off the trailers still there, but he tore up 2 more sections of my fence getting it all in and out.

The kicker came when I decided to sell my truck. A month after I posted it for sale, he comes to me wanting me to make him a deal. Essentially sell it to him for half what it’s worth, on payments. I had a buyer on the hook for cash, and he went off on me, how he thought we were friends and he thought I was a better person than this, and how obviously money meant more to me than our friendship. WTF? The one time I don’t let him walk all over me… and let’s face it I’d be 100 years old and still begging for the money before he paid off that truck… and he turns on me like I’m the biggest a-hole he ever met.

I gave him 30 days to come up with the money for the truck. I know he won’t do it. He’ll show up at the end of this month with half of it or less, and some sob story about how he needs more time. This time, however, I’m going to tell him, too bad so sad. Then I’m going to take it to my boyfriend’s house, out of town, and post it for sale there. And SCREW my so called friend. I am done with him using me and abusing our friendship like this.