live a better life

Conditioning started a couple of weeks ago and its getting intense, but no matter what im not gonna quit. This is going to teach me discipline and persistence, and most of all, I will have another family and i will learn how to work in a team. no quitting. :)

Yay! I signed up @ my school to join the track team! It was pretty much a death sentence, but I’m really looking forward to it :D. Conditioning starts on Tuesday, but the actual season doesn’t begin until February…wish me luck!

There’s always a reason that people do things…and before you can judge them from it you have to know their intentions and reasons. I think if I can understand people more, it will make my relationships and interactions with them a lot easier and more true. I have no idea how I intend to do this without over thinking things, so i guess that’s the only way…oh, well.

It was 80Gigs. 3.2 in scratch resistant glass screen. Black. Touch sensitive control button. You can look it up. Most valuable thing I had to my name. My precious music. My escape, and release. It’s gone now. Stolen from right under my nose. I’ve tried not to be sad. And it’s been working. sorta. But it still sucks. You may be wondering how this will help me live a better life…Well, I just need to understand that I don’t need an expensive mp3 player to make me happy. I have to rise above this materialism. I have come to figure that God took it away from me because I was getting to attached, and putting it before Him, and all that stuff. There are more important things, and while I can understand that concept, I am still stuck on the fact that it is gone, and how much i miss it. There are way more important things and i have to realize that with all my heart.

So today I decided to see where I was in my physical abilities, and I went for a nice little jog around the neighborhood. O.M.G. I. Am. So. Screwed. Almost immidiately after I left the house I was out of breath. It was horrible! Muscle wise I felt fine, but I had to catch my breath avery 30 seconds. No joke. Even after 15 seconds of a paced (sorta sped up) jog, I could feel the effects. My lungs are so weak! They gave way every time. The longest I went without having to slow to a walk was one minute. ONE MINUTE! While jogging for petes sake! What is wrong with me? I was out for maybe half an hour, and now I am back, barely sweating, not physically exhausted at all. I feel so bad. AT one point I decided to close my eyes for a few seconds. I end up tripping over the curb face first into someone’s front lawn! It was actually pretty funny. Anyway, I had to recover my breath for almost as long as i had run. Perhaps I have a problem. At least I learned this now while I have months to train myself for the actual sport and not the day of track tryouts. So I need to buld my stamina, now. But you know what? As unsuccesful as I was, it felt good to go outside and do something. I feel like I am actually trying to make this difference in my life. So what if I’m worse off than I thought? As long as I don’t give up and don’t get lazy, I can dot this. I will do this.

I plan to join my school’s track team. I can barely run, nonetheless fast, but I have to be better to my body. I have to excersise and eat right and sleep well, and I know yrack will teach me how to do these things. I will get a wok out every day when I go to practice. I will have to eat right (not that I dont, but I could lay off some of the junk ;D). By having this commitment I will better my study habits and perhaps stay focused on my work, get it done, and sleep well. Who knows? I might do better in school (if that’s possible)! Hopefully joining a sport at school will help me make more friends, and teach me dedication and responsibility. I hope I make it. I also hope our choach won’t take any of my crap. I hope he/she will inspire me to do my best. I need to do this for myself.

I dont have much paitience. I need more.

I just really need to do this. I hate being confused. I mean, this is me! The person I should know the most. This isnt some shady character that I have trouble figuring out! Everything I think and feel is coming from me. Then why is it so hard to know exactly what it is sometimes?

I can snap at people. I’m usually never physicslly mad if you get what I’m trying to say. I try to stay calm and not yell, but sometimes I do, and sometimes it hurts people. A stranger I would never get pissed at, it tends to be my friends, which is sorta ironic. Probably because I know they will forgive me and love me anyway. Either way I have to stop. There is no point in getting easily pissed off or annoyed. I know that now.

I like to sing, and I have a relatively nice voice. Maybe if I sing more (especially meanignful songs) then perhaps I will be happier, and even manage to make others happy, too.