I feel so, so silly.
I’ve been having a difficult time for some days, feeling like even my increased walking wasn’t giving me the endorphins and serotonin I needed.
Today, I woke up, after a poor night’s sleep, no less, with a positive and grateful attitude. I was pleasantly assertive at work, an issue I had been struggling with prior to this, and felt good all day. I felt alive, awake, a spring in my step. I marveled at the change, so happy to be back to myself.
Then I realized- of course. I started my period.
When am I going to learn?
Every single month, I get a bit depressed and anxious. Every single month, even as I intellectually recognize that I am feeling this way because I am getting my period, I still get scared. Every single month, I worry that I’m getting (permanently) depressed and anxious, and every single month, I feel bad that I can’t just make myself be more positive and grateful like I usually try to be (which just compounds the unhappiness.)
Then, the very first day of my cycle, everything changes. I realize how ridiculous I’ve been. You’d think I’d figure it out by now, as it is always so clear after the fact, but it just feels so hopeless and permanent when it’s happening. I can’t reason myself out of it.
I have to give myself a break and stop feeling bad that I’m feeling bad. It’s okay. It goes away. I’ll start researching some things I can do to possibly alleviate things, but the reality is that I’m rather screwed up hormonally, and the main thing is to know that a) I will get through this, and b) feeling like it’s my fault for not being a more cheerful, resilient person isn’t going to help it at all.
It’s all about being kind to myself. 2 days ago