Have more self-esteem, self Confidence and assertiveness

how this comes and goes. I was feeling super confident for the last two days – I spoke up in the group without shaking! and last night i actually networked my name around my new job. things i would have died before doing a year ago! so a big pat on the back!

it’s a little long but I think it’s invaluable to anyone with low self esteem

Swallowing those negative feelings, rather then expressing them, can and does result in an array of unproductive behaviors including, but not limited to, health problems, difficulty sleeping, problems in relationships and, most of all, an eating frenzy.

When you let someone know your thoughts and feelings, you have a greater likelihood of being able to “work through” or “be done with” the feeling once and for all without stuffing it away. Hey, you actually might even get what you are requesting (and lose weight at the same time!)

If the person you have feelings toward is no longer alive or accessible, it’s still not too late to express them. You may communicate your thoughts and feelings by writing a letter.

To start nipping your passivity in the bud, you might want to follow a few simple steps.

1. Inform the individual, “I have something important to say to you and I would appreciate if you would make time to listen.”

This is important because your feelings ARE worthy of being heard. This intimate exchange of emotions deserves respect. If the person you are disclosing your feelings to isn’t truly ready to hear you, you are likely to leave the situation feeling misunderstood or discounted once again.

2. Avoid blaming or belittling the person you are addressing. The person you are addressing will be best able to listen to you if you give him/her the respect he/she so deserves. You cannot make the person responsible for your feelings.

3. Take responsibility for your own feelings. Use, “I” statements. The moment you tell someone, “You make me feel…” you put the other person on the defensive. It is understandable that you may want to blame the other person, but by using the “I” statement you’ll get your point across more effectively and you will most likely receive a more positive response.

4. Always refer to the other’s behavior rather than making a personal attack. State how the other’s behavior was inconsiderate, but not that their entire person is worthless. Too often we err by making a judgment about the person rather than the behavior that we do not appreciate.

For instance, rather than say, “You are such a jerk for not noticing my weight loss,” try restating it by saying, “I am feeling unnoticed because you haven’t noticed my weight loss.” In this manner, you are refraining from putting the other person on the defensive by not attacking his/her person, and you are taking responsibility for your feelings.

5. Feelings are not right or wrong, only the manner in which you choose to express them may be healthy or unhealthy, effective or ineffective. Referring your feelings to a specific statement or behavior lets other people know you are upset with something that can be changed, rather than who they are personally.

6. Never assume that anyone can read your mind. If you want something, you have to speak up!

7. Practice in a mirror, or rehearse your conversation with someone else.

8. Be clear and concise.

9. Use your social intelligence. Timing for you and the other person is everything.

10. Always remember that you, too, have the right to speak your mind!

Changing your style of communicating will assist you in ridding yourself of those burdensome emotions, allowing you to function more effectively in your own daily life.

If those strong emotions go unresolved, the result can be devastating to your overall health and well-being in the long run.

Here are 7 Body Language Tips that will help you when you’re interacting. Leave a lasting positive impression.

1- Always look at someone directly in their eyes when they
are speaking to you. This may seem difficult at first but
it’s definitely the #1 body language ingredient to make
you successful when interacting with others. Note: Do
not ever stare at someone.

2- Always stand up straight. You never want to slouch.
Not only does this make you appear shorter but it
projects an image of someone who has low self-esteem.

3- Smile. Smiling is your most powerful body language
signal. Though it is not recommended to smile
constantly (people will be under the impression you are
searching for approval), you should still make an effort
to appear happy and optimistic.

4- Do not make repeated, nervous like gestures. When
speaking to someone it’s important to use body
movements but never fast and repetitive ones (picture
someone who is nervous while public speaking; this is
exactly what you’re NOT aiming for).

5- Create your own personal space. Make sure you let
others know you have your own personal space and do
not let them walk all over you. Note: you never want to
invade someone else’s personal space.

6- Dedicate all of your attention to the person you are
speaking with. Do not constantly look around as if you
are uncomfortable or not interested.

7- Make sure to emphasize all of these tips when you meet
someone new. First impressions count for a lot. You
want to make the best impression you can.

http://www.epositivesolutions.com/233brim/send-right-signals.html

“Know that although in the eternal scheme of things you are small, you are also unique and irreplaceable, as are all your fellow humans everywhere in the world.” – Margaret Laurence

 It doesn’t matter what other people think of me.
 I always do the best I can.
 I am full of confidence.
 I am a loving person.
 I am not afraid of others.
 I am full of self-belief.
 I don’t care what others think of me.
 I love me.
 I forgive myself 4 past mistakes.
 I am loving.
 I am good at my job.
 I can be a winner.
 I am the best friend I have.
 I have solved problems like this before.
 I have the ability to handle this.
 I am a capable human being.
 I deserve to love and to be loved.
 I am a skilful and artistic person.
 I can show others a good example.
 Letting go is best for them and for me.
 They will thank me in the future.
 Nothing is worth losing my sanity over.
 I am responsible only for my own feelings.
 I owe no one explanations for my behaviour, which is legally, morally, and ethically correct.
 I deserve to have my rights recognised.
 I am a deserving human being.
 I deserve to enjoy the fruits of my labour.
 I deserve to be rewarded for what I do.
 I love myself for who I am.
 It is OK to be selfish if I don’t hurt anyone.
 I like the way I handle problems.
 I am able to handle any problem I face.
 I have the right to feel the way I do.
 I deserve to relax more and take it easy.
 There are beautiful things happening in my life daily.
 I experience the excitement of growth daily.
 Taking risks is the path to growth.
 I grow in love daily.
 I face each new day as a race to be won.
 I am winning in the race of life.
 I am a rich treasure ready to be found.
 Let others know who I am.
 Say hello to a new person today.
 Open up to be loved today.
 Be responsible. Relax!
 Letting go is loving
 Be free of guilt today.
 To be loved I must love.
 There are opportunities in life to be tried.
 My possibilities are endless.
 Success is to be enjoyed.
 Open myself up with one new person today.
 Belief in self is a step toward personal growth.
 I can handle all changes that come my way.
 There is nothing I cannot handle.
 Smile and let others in on the secret.
 I deserve to be happy and successful
 I have the power to change myself
 I can forgive and understand others and their motives
 I can make my own choices and decisions
 I am free to choose to live as I wish and to give priority to my desires
 I can choose happiness whenever I wish no matter what my circumstances
 I am flexible and open to change in every aspect of my life
 I act with confidence having a general plan and accept plans are open to alteration
 It is enough to have done my best
 I deserve to be loved
 I will address whatever fear or embarrassment threatens to shrink my world.
 I have earned the right to give only when it pleases me and to be selfish when it is in my best interest.
 I’ll say no when I do not feel like fulfilling another’s request because I have earned the right to be honest about my feelings.
 I am leaving behind negative hurts and anger to make my load lighter.
 I have a clear, detailed vision of exactly what I want to be, to do, and to have.
 I am defining my desires in clear and compelling detail.
 I am reconnecting with my personal passion everyday.

thanks in part to http://www.coping.org

I got this test when in rebab. i think it’s a good one…

Here’s a quick test. Just say TRUE or FALSE to the following statements.

1. My glass is always empty, not half full.
2. I’m always apologising for things.
3. I’m always telling myself I “should” be doing this or that.
4. I constantly criticise myself.
5. What other people think about me dictates how I feel about myself.
6. I am critical of my mistakes and relive them over and over.
7. I always let the people who love me down.
8. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
9. A partial failure is as bad as a complete failure.
10. I bend over backwards to help others.
11. I am not sure I’ve done a good job unless others point it out.
12. It’s hard for me to forgive and forget.
13. I have to work harder than others for relationships and am afraid the relationships I have will fail.
14. If I don’t do as well as others, it means that I am not as good as them.
15. If I can’t do something well, there’s no point doing it at all.

I’d be interested in your answers…

just not quick enough 4 my liking…

I’ll try repeating some positive affirmations. see if that helps.